The Misadventures of DJ
by solid poison
Summary: My name is Derrick Young but you can call me DJ. I was living a solitary, simple gamer life before I, how do I put this. Got transported to the land of Talking Magical Ponies? Yeah I know it's a lot to take in, but as much as I hate to admit it, it's true! And the worst part? They all think I'm cute like REALLY cute, its starting to scare me... Rated M for language, themes and ETC.
1. Act 1 part 1

Act 1: Part one I must be High...

I suddenly jerked awake and my eyes shot open. I looked around myself and I was in the middle of this huge dark forest that was eerily silent. I pushed myself upright with a lazy grunt and checked my pockets. With a sigh of relief I felt my phone in my pocket, good... Now I can call and get a ride outta here or maybe use the GPS to figure out where I am first... I thought as I put in my password.

I was also relieved when I saw that my battery wasn't completely dead, it was at 93%. It seems things are working out for me in this random god forsaken... Wait how did I get here? I don't remember anything that happened the yesterday... but the day before that I was just chilling in my apartment playing Video games... Then... It's just... Blank... Hmm... It doesn't matter I'll just use the GPS and...

"Oh shit..."

_**No signal.**_

Danm! Where the hell am I then? I must be in some deep shit if I have no signal.

"Dammit!" I yelled as I powered down my phone, it may be at 93% but I still want to save battery life...

I sat for a few moments still puzzled about the basics you know... Like... **What the hell, When the hell, Where the hell, and HOW the hell did I end up here... HOW!** Did I get drunk after my game session and wander into the woods? No... There are no woods near where I live.. And this is a big ass forest... I thought as I finally stood up and noticed something.

I feel... Really... REALLY good right now like fucking amazing...I feel Stronger.. Even Healthier! I thought as I flexed my arms. I was a pretty skinny guy but I still somehow managed a toned body despite the lazy office job, video games and junk food... I've always been that way.

I took a few steps forward and checked myself again. There were a few more things in my deep, black basketball short pockets, I had my keys, my wallet that had a few bucks in it, a led pencil and a pack of gum... That still had a few pieces to my suprise. I also noticed I had on my signature drawstring bag and inside was a notebook, pair of jeans, my phone charger, a large sports water bottle and a pocket knife, which I honestly don't remember owning... Probably belongs to my dumbass roommate and it just got in here somehow... Could come in handy though...

I take note that I'm wearing a black Nike hoodie, that had a pair of sunglasses tucked onto the collar. I even had that cheap ass sports watch I bought from...Walmart? I don't remember... Anyways I had some black and white Nike shoes, they were nice but still just plain and simple, I don't like shoes and clothes with all those flashy colors and such like other guys might, I tend to just wear 1 or 2 colors at the most, so right now I was mostly black and white. The funny thing about me is I always dress up like I'm going to go play basketball or go on a run... Even though I barely do either of those things... Meh who cares...

After staring at myself for a while, I eventually just shrugged and put my hands in my pockets out of habit and started walking... I didn't know where the hell I Was or why, but all I know is I won't get anything done while sitting on my ass. At first I thought I should probably go into survival mode and start gathering supplies... Like those nature survival shows or Minecraft... Heh... I wish I could punch trees with my bare fists, I thought as I passed through a thick bush.

A few feet ahead of me there was a gap that had at least a 10 foot drop leading to deadly looking rocks below. It was only a 2-3 feet gap give or take so I could probably just jump it. I looked down at the razor sharp rocks nervously.

"Nope nope nope!" I said quickly backing away from the gap. Wait... What the hell am I doing! I can do this! I thought confidently as I stepped back for a running start. Before I ran off I stepped back a few more feet, I mean... Better safe then sorry! I finally took off running, I quickly noticed I felt somewhat faster than I usual was but I ignored it. As I neared the gap I jumped up into the air... kinda higher than normal... Actually...**ALOT higher!** I was nearly 15 feet in the air! I over shot the gap easily and landed safely on the other side with a grunt.

"No way!" I muttered aloud as I stared at myself. I didn't LOOK any stronger then I normally was, but I felt stronger and I could run and jump faster and higher! OK as cool as this shit is... That should be impossible! Humans can't do crap like this! I thought as my mind raced. Do I have super powers? Am I dreaming? **Am...am I HIGH?!** I questioned as I continued to walk nearing the edge of the forest without noticing. There is some strange shit going on right now, I thought as I checked myself for head injuries. I was so busy questioning everything that I tripped over something.

I lifted my face from the dirt In anger as I saw the danm rock I tripped over. I quickly and angrily stood up and kicked the shit out of it. Much to my suprise it went really high up into the air. I stopped caring about the rock and just came to terms with these strange _"powers"_ I possessed now. Unfortunately before I could fully turn around I heard the telltale sound of a window being smashed, no doubt by the rock I just kicked.

"For fuck's sake..." I muttered in annoyance as i turned to see a large cluster of houses and town like buildings.

Wait... Buildings! Civilization! Although these houses were oddly colorful... Like Way more then I've ever seen.. I noticed something else also... They all looked a little... "_Primitive_" for some reason like medieval fucking straw roofs primitive. Some select houses where decorated in a completely different style than the others. like there was one house that looked like it was fucking **edible**, with all the candy, cake and chocolate bullshit all over it. There was another house that was tall like a tower and looked kinda fancy with its checkered patterns. There was this one house that reminded me of the houses that hobbits in Lord of the rings, lived in except a lot more elaborate. And... Is...is that a fucking Treehouse? No not the kind where you have a little house in a tree... This was literally a fucking house tree! raising my brow in suprise I facepalmed at the design choices. Who the fuck lives in this Town? Little girls? This is weird...

I shifted behind the bush I was hiding in uncomfortably. Who's window did I break? I thought as I scanned the houses and much to my dismay I saw that the busted window belonged to the weird treehouse. Part of me just wants to walk the fuck away and the rest of me wants to apologize. I checked my watch and it claimed it was 10 a clock at night... "Nope that's fucked then..." I thought as i questioned the time of day. The sun seemed to be coming up but it wasn't moving visably so I just assumed it was morning, that would also explain why I saw nobody outside yet...

"Fuck it.." I whispered as I started walking from my vantage point toward the weird ass Treehouse... Housetree... Whatever!

With my luck whoever owned the house would call the cops on me in anger over something as simple as a window.

As I drew near the house I noticed the door was way shorter then normal well what do ya know? Maybe hobbits _Do_ live here... I joked to myself as I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I was busy wondering just what the hell I was going to say whenever I heard a loud yawn come from the other side of the door. I should probably see if they'll let me use a thier phone... And I may aswell find out where the hell I'm at while I'm here... But that thought was interrupted by the door slowly swinging open to reveal... Nothing?

I looked around a few times before remembering the hobbit joke and I looked down. I saw a **Bigass, upright, purple and green Lizard! **It lazely rubbed its green reptile eyes with it's claw like hands. I was staring down at the thing and it finally looked up and both of our eyes widened. We both sat there staring at each other, frozen in place, no doubt thinking the same exact thing.

**"DAFAQ?"**

After a few more awkward seconds I took off running as fast as I could back into the forest, leaving the purple lizard thing behind. Did I just discover a small race of lizard men? Am I in some kind of fucked up **fanfiction?** Am I in a coma and this is all just an elaborate dream? Am I in some freaky alternate dimension where lizards over throw humans and inslave them? Did I somehow end up in the past? **Am I high?** Well... I Guess at least _one or more_ of those must be right...

I raced into the forest, never looking back to the weird town I discovered. I finally stopped running and took a quick breather. This was a lot to take in... Fucking bipeadel lizards, building fruity gingerbread houses. First the powers and now this? This is an odd day. I seriously bet it cant get **more** ridiculous then this...

"Um...Hello?" Said a female voice behind me. OK good maybe I could get some help.

I turned around and froze. you've got to be fucking kidding me... There was a **Purple Unicorn** staring at me in wonder.

"I'm high as fuck right now..." I whispered to myself, this pony _did not_ just say hi to me.

"Excuse me? mister... whatever you are..." The unicorn was interrupted by that weird lizard thing from earlier behind her.

"That the weird creature that knocked on the door Twilight!" The lizard said in a little Boy's voice as he pointed an accusing claw at me.

I took a few steps back before quickly turning away and running deeper into the forest, I _**did not**_ just see a walking talking Lizard and I certainly _**did not**_ see a fucking talking Unicorn!

"Hey wait!" The unicorn girl called from behind me, but I just ignored her and continued running. I needed to get away from this bullshit dream. This crazy illusion, or my worst fear... _This harsh new reality_.

I ran for a while before sitting and resting on a large boulder. Sweating from the excitement, I took the bottle out of my bag and I drank from it. To my delight it was full of Pink Lemonade. I drank about half of it before I lowered the bottle and took a breath.

"This is just a dream..." I kept saying to myself in denial. I finally decided to do the _pinch_ test.

"Fuck!" I yelled in disappointment as wasn't waking up in my apartment.

I just sat there huddled up, I was going to lay my head on my knees, but I stopped when I noticed my sunglasses were gone.

"Oh no..." I muttered aloud as I quickly searched the surrounding ground for my shades but didn't find them.

Before I could stand and curse whoever or whatever put me in this situation I saw my sunglasses, **Floating** in a purple Aura. I reached out to them and as I grabbed them the aura made me feel tingly. When I grasped the shades tightly the purple aura carrying them disappeared and I could feel the shade's weight now.

I looked up to see the unicorn from earlier along with the lizard thing hiding behind her. She had a confused, but kind expression while the lizard dude was staring at me with narrowed eyes, shivering slightly.

"You dropped your... Sunglasses when you ran off..." she said with a friendly tone.

"My name is Twilight sparkle! What's you're name?" She asked innocently.

I sat silent for a while. I was still fighting the urge to run away again but I wanted to see where this was going. Wait hold on... This unicorn is named Twilight sparkle? What the hell?

I fought the urge to laugh as I answered.

"My name is Derrick Young" I said uncomfortably, shifting my weight.

"Derrick? That's an odd name..." Twilight said raising her brow slightly.

Oh sure bitch... You can't talk when your name is "**Twilight sparkle**"...

The lizard dude thing decided this was a good moment to speak up and he tapped his chest proudly.

"I'm spike the _dragon_!"

I looked to the lizard thing in disbelief and deadpanned.

"What?" He asked nervously.

I busted out laughing, this lizard thing thought it was a huge, fire breathing, flying **badass**... He didn't even have wings!

"You're a dragon?! Can you even breath fire?" I questioned making the little lizard upset. He balled up his clawed hands and shook them at me and was probably about to say some kind of insult to me, when Twilight quickly gave him a stern look and he sighed in defeat.

" I _can_ breath fire but... I'm just a baby..." he admitted with sadness as he stepped back behind Twilight. I just nodded, I was looking at a talking unicorn, so Right now I was inclined to believe anything.

"Anyways..." Twilight continued, "I've never seen anything like you before... What are you?" She asked curiously.

I scratched the back of my head, wondering how she would react to my answer.

"Well I'm a Human..." I said carefully waiting for her reaction.

Twilight moved her head back slightly, she looked like she was going over something in her head. Suddenly her eyes widened and I swear I saw fucking stars in them, and her smile... Her mouth looked like it was about to pop off of her goddamn face.

Before I could react she zipped right up to me happily making me jump.

"Oh my gosh! a real human?" She said quickly in a squeaky high voice.

"You're a living legend! According to my books you're just an old foal's tale!"

Before I could say anything she assaulted me with more questions.

"How did you get here?"

"Are there more humans with you?"

"What kind of magic can you do?"

"Why are your legs so long?"

"What are this weird things on your forehoofs?"

She asked as she got closer with every question, her eyes sparkling with curiosity.

She was beginning to creep me out as she took more steps toward me with that freaky smile. Yeah I figured I wouldn't like this shit from the start... I'm going to **NOPE** the fuck away now...

Instead of answering her I just put on a fake smile and bolted away in a random direction as fast as I could... Which was actually quite fast because of the strange power boost i got from this place. But suddenly I lurched to a stop against my own will. Huh? Why can't I move? That purple Aura from earlier was surrounding me while I was frozen in place. Suddenly I was moved back in front of Twilight by the strange force, and her horn was glowing again. The aura faded from me and her horn simultaneously. What did this bitch just do?!

I narrowed my eyes and glared at her angrily.

"How the _fuck_ did you do that?" I asked angrily.

"Do what? Oh you mean my magic? Yeah sorry about that..." She said lowering her head slightly.

I sighed in annoyance, I'm pretty sure I can't escape now because this unicorn has telekinesis or something.

"I'm sorry if I scared you.. I was just really excited! I mean humans were just and old fouls tail... And now one is standing in front of me! Please don't run Derrick..."

I just sighed and shook my head.

"Just call me DJ... Anyways did you say **MAGIC?**" I said quickly changing the subject. Thus is definitely a dream!

"Yes magic! What's the matter? Can't you use object manipulation spells?" She asked innocently.

I scoffed at that question, humans? Magic? Hell no...

"Humans don't have magic..." I said flatly.

"Oh... That must be terrible!" Twilight said with slight disappointment.

I walked over to a pebble on the ground and lifted it up.

"Not really... Humans have hands for a reason.." I said as I played with the pebble in my hands.

"I see..." Twilight said as she watched me with wonder.

That made me feel kind of awkward after awhile so I dropped the pebble and folded my arms. I think its about time I got away from this bullshit... I'll take my chances in the forest.

"Look... I'm sorry I broke your window and stuff... but I really must be going..." I said as I slowly began to turn away.

"Wait that was _**you!?**_" The dragon said in outrage as he poked his head out from behind Twilight.

"Wait! Please don't leave!" She pleaded as she completely ignored the thing about the window.

"Nope...I've got places to be..." I lied as I slowly walked away.

Now I don't know why I did this but I turned my head and looked back... _**Big mistake**_.

Twilight had this look on her face that reminded me of that face dogs give you when they're in trouble or when they want something. Now I usually just ignored them but this was different. Her pleading, sad, cute eyes made me feel guilty... **Really** guilty... To the point where I started weighing my options again.

Let's see... Assuming this is all real...considering I'm talking to a fucking baby dragon and a godanm unicorn... There is probably WAY worse shit that could wreck me in that Forest... Besides... I have no basic survival skills anyway and I'm not about to eat insects... I'd be stupid to even try.

"Alright fine! You're lucky I don't have a godanm house..." I muttered as I quickly turned back to the unicorn.

"Great! Would you like to come over for tea? I'm pretty sure you have questions for me aswell!" She asked getting that creepy, curious look again. You know what? I'm calling that the **Science Face**... From now on because I knew this weird girl once back in highschool that had that same look whenever she did weird shit "_For Science_!". But I think she's in a mental institute now... Yeah so you can see why I'm at least a _little_ worried about this unicorn. Speaking of sanity... I have to question my own right now. I'm just going to assume all the dragon and magical unicorn bullshit is some illusion that will stop eventually... But for now I'll just " _Go with the flow_ ". Wait a sec... She said Tea? **I HATE TEA!** Well mostly the herb teas...

" I dunno... I don't like herbal tea... " I said to her. Unfortunately that only made her puppy eyes water more.

"Please? We don't have to drink herbel tea... I have some sweet nector tea!" She pleaded.

Hmm... Nector is OK... But... Ok fuck it! I can't take those eyes!

" Sure whatever ..." I muttered with a roll of my eyes.

And the strangest shit _yet_ just happened... Twilight smiled wide again like earlier but this time it made this weird "squee" sound like I am dead ass serious right now... This bitches smile **made a **_**noise**_** just now!** What the hell is wrong with this place?

"Alright then follow me!" She said happily as she turned and trotted back toward her tree House, followed by Spike. I just sighed and walked behind them. When we started walking spike turned around and glared daggers at me. He stuck out his claws and he pointed from his eyes, to me and back again...

"_I'm watching you..._" He muttered in a threatening tone, except it wasn't all that threatening because this guy only came to my knees... And I'm only "5,8".

He turned back looking confident about his "threat" but I just ignored him.

" Stay close everypony! The Everfree forest has really dangerous creatures in it!" Twilight warned us without looking back. Everypony? seriously?

As if on cue I hear a loud roaring sound coming from somewhere deep in the woods. Yep...this may be some kind of fucked up dream but the pinch test didn't work so I'm glad I didn't take my chances with the forest. The funny thing was Twilight told us to "stay close" implying that she would protect us... Heh I guess she's stronger than she looks...

After the roar we all silently picked up the pace, as we exited the forest. After a few minutes of walking we finally reached Twilight's house inside that strange town. Before I walked in I noticed a few ponies out and about, with various crazy ass color schemes, good... The place wasn't full of big ass lizards... Luckily they didn't see me slip into Twilight's place.

OK what? I knew this girl was kinda nerdy, but this house was **Full** of books... Like massive shelves of them...except... The shelves were carved into the side of the tree, which was an interesting design choice but it still caught me off guard. The suprise on my face must have been obvious because Twilight giggled when she saw it.

"This is a library by the way..." She said as she stared up at me.

"Right..." I said with uncertainty. I was kinda releaved that she didn't just own all these books... But I still find it odd how she lives in a library.

Well I guess I met this wacky town's librarian... Let's hope she's the most crazy pony I will **ever have to meet**... Because I'm not sure how I feel about more ponies giving me the Science face.

She leads me to a soft couch and I layed back with a sigh of comfort, this couch is awesome.

"Nice place..." I complimented with a smile.

Twilight smiled at me, thankfully it didn't make a weird sound this time...

"Thanks Derrick.. I mean DJ!" She said nervously, as she sat in a similar couch across from me.

"Spike can you put on some tea?" She asked the dragon and he quickly nodded.

"On it!" He said, giving a salute before running into another room, that I assume was the kitchen. Honestly I hate tea for the most part, but Twilight assured me earlier that it wasn't one of those bullshit herb teas.

" So... What is this place?" I asked curiously, slightly dreading the coming answer.

"Well this is the land of Equestria! Inhabited mainly by ponies and other magical creatures. ". So I'm in Equestria... Sounds like the name of a generic fantasy game to me...

" The town we're in right now is called Ponyville! " she continued.

"Hmmm... I've got to say that's the **worst** name for a town that I've ever heard...", I said bluntly, making Twilight pout angrily.

" What? Ponyville is a wonderful name! This town has a rich history spanning over 100 years!" She said in defense.

"That may be so, but we don't run around naming our towns Humanville..." I said with a chuckle.

Twilight just rolled her eyes at me.

"I guess i could see what you mean..."

After a few moments of silence I had another question. I assumed because of the primative nature of this town, this place's government was probably just some form of monarchy.

"Alright so who's the king?" I asked as I folded my arms. Since it was a possibility I could actually be stuck here, I may aswell know the asshole calling the shots, and I figure they'll know me too.

Twilight looked somewhat amused when she answered.

"Oh... We don't have I king. Equestria is ruled by the sisters, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna..." She said happily. My God... What's with the names here? "Twilight Sparkle", "Princess Celestia?", "Princess Luna?"... " Spike?" Well that one sounds more like a dogs name.. But danm... Am I in a god Danm Disney movie?

"I happen to be Princess Celestia's faithful student! I'm her personal _protégée!"_ Twilight said proudly pointing a hoof at herself.

PFF... More like her personal BITCH I joked to myself, but in all seriousness if this "Celestia" is Twilight's mentor then she must be really nerdy and talkative... And she must also have a... science face... Oh god...

My thoughts were interrupted by Spike yelling from the kitchen.

"The Tea is almost ready!" He called out to us.

"OK Spike!" She responded quickly before turning back to me.

"Speaking of Celestia... I should probably tell her about you.." She said as she tapped her muzzle in thought.

"Oh no no no no! Don't worry about it.." I said quickly with my hands in front of me, I was not about to have 2 bitches oggling at me with the danm **Science face**. I also didn't want to attract too much attention in general.

"Why not? She'll find out eventually anyways... and she's really nice!" Twilight said tilting her head slightly as Spike came out holding 2 fancy tea cups.

"Here ya go.." He said to Twilight kindly as she thanked him and held it in her magic. Then he came up to me with narrowed eyes.

"Here you go.." He said in an unfriendly tone... Making me hesitant to take the cup at first, I sniffed it suspiciously and... it actually smelled kinda good... **Really good!**

"Thanks" I muttered as I took the cup from him. Spike just narrowed his eyes even more and started to walk upstairs.

"I'm up Here if you need me Twi..." Spike said.

Twilight nodded and the dragon gave me a dirty look before going upstairs.

Twilight started to sip her tea and I stared blankly at mine. What if that little prick poisoned this? Naa... he doesn't have the balls... I would kick his ass across the room as I choked on the poison if he did.

Twilight looked up from her tea and motioned for me to drink mine.

I nodded and gulped nervously as I slowly brought the cup to my face. I have to say.. This stuff smells good! Danm... Said that already... Let me get on with this. I took a small sip from it and holy shit was it **amazing**!

I let out a sigh of delight as I sank into the couch happily. For someone who much preffered Coffee over Tea, this shit was good. However I doubt I'll even like any other flavors they may have here...

"Spike!" Twilight suddenly called out causing the dragon to quickly come downstairs.

"Yes Twi?"

"Take a letter!" She said with a smile.

Spike promptly pulled out a quill and paper out of nowhere, probably his ass and got ready to write.

"Dear Princess Celestia,

Good morning! Today has started off very interesting... A Pony knocked on my door this morning... Well he's not _really_ a pony... He is actually a **Human**! How exciting! Right now we are having tea and I was wondering if you would like to come meet him sometime! He seems like a nice fellow from what I can tell... A bit of a badmouth though...

You're faithful student, Twilight sparkle..."

After she was done telling Spike what to write, he rolled up the paper scroll and set it a distance in front of his face. A moment later this dumbass burnt the letter right in front of me... and it was gone.

"You're supposed to **mail** it you dipshit!" I yelled catching them both off guard. They looked at me in confusion.

"You can use magic to teleport letters directly to ponies..." Twilight informed me. Oh... Well shit! I guess that's the closest they'll get to texting then.

I just shrugged and took another sip of my tea. A few moments later, Spike magically burped up a response from Celestia I assume. He opened the Royal Seal and read it aloud.

"Dear my Faithful student,

I would like to request that you avoid sending letters to me so early, as your letter landed **in my breakfast**... But I need to ask you something... .

Are you certain that this "creature" is a Human?

You're Teacher, Princess Celestia... "

I laughed at the idea of someone having a big ass scroll materialize above them and land right in their pancakes.

Twilight cringed and narrowed her eyes in thought.

"OK spike write another letter..."

"Dear Princess Celestia,

Sorry i ruined your breakfast... Hopefully you were ready this time... But I am certain that this creature is a Human, he told me himself! He walks upright on two legs and wears clothes. He even has these strange appendages called "hands" that are similar to spikes claws in function...

You're faithful student, Twilight Sparkle...

PS: his name is Derrick

At this point I was ignoring them and just happily sucking down this **epic** tea.

A few moments later another response burped in.

Dear My faithful student,

You're brief description of him has me somewhat convinced. As I am very busy today I shall have My younger sister visit you tonight, and I shall follow the next morn. I look forward to meeting this... "Derrick"...

You're Teacher, Princesses Celestia...

PS: I was not ready the second time either...

Twilight and Spike giggled nervously after the last part, then they beamed happily while I just frowned.

"They're coming here?" I asked slightly annoyed.

Twilight nodded excitedly while I just brought my hand to my face. I haven't a clue how to act around royalty... I'm probably just going to end up pissing them off... It was then that I finished my epic tea.

"Oh my! I have to get everything ready for Celestia's arrival!"

"Celestia? What about Luna? Isn't She coming tonight?" I reminded.

" Oh I know.. But I just have to go to Surgercube corner and pick up cakes and snacks for them both... Celestia happens to eat a lot of cake... And she just LOVES tea!" Twilight said as she magiced our empty cups to the kitchen. Heh Celestia eats a lot? She's probably a fat princess... Wait thats the name of a game isn't it...ha.

At the mention of cake my stomach rumbled quite loudly, to the point where Twilight and Spike stared at me awkwardly.

"It seems your hungry..." Twilight said in thought.

I rolled My eyes as I thought "**No shit** Sherlock!".

She smiled when an idea popped into her head.

"OK! DJ how would you like to go with me today on my errands? I can give you a tour of ponyville and you can meet some of my friends! **you** **can** also **eat** while i pick up some snacks for the Princesses from **Sugar** cube corner! Come on! it will be fun!" Twilight said awaiting my answer happily.

The only words I heard in that sentence were: "you", " can" , "eat" and "sugar"... Fuck yes!

" Sure I'd love too!" I said with a warm smile taking Twilight by suprise.

At least I was going to get some food and maybe some chill time because her friends can't be _**that bad**_ right?...I guess I can us this time to get used to ponies in general before I have to deal with royal types. This Luna was really mysterious to me... Maybe she was... The quiet one? While Celestia was probably just an older Twilight who was thick from eating cake and drinking tea all day...

Looking back now... I couldn't have been more wrong...

Notes: I've been brainstorming this for like ever... To the point where it annoyed me that I wasn't writing it... What do you think so far? I'm not sure what kinda fic this will be in the future but I'm rating it M so I'm free to do what I want with it... (that doesn't mean sex..).

...

Anyways this is a side story so I won't work on this one too often after the first few chapters, because I'm currently writing another fic. Although this one will be great practice for when the characters in my other fic go to equestria as well as practicing 1st person writing.

The main character is more or less kinda like me but not really.. So this is far from a self insert... Anyways a bid you all ado...

PS: if for whatever reason this gets popular I might work on it more but I WILLL NOT abandon my other fic or this one for that matter...


	2. Act 1 part 2

Act 1 part 2: Welcome to Ponyville...

" I kind of forgot about this..." Twilight said as she examined the ruined window in front of the house. I cringed as she stared at it in disappointment, maybe she really was pissed.

After looking the window over Twilight closed her eyes. Her horn came to life and the window and its shattered Fragments glowed purple before quickly reconstructing before my eyes.

After her deed she smiled contently and I scoffed, fucking magic man...

"Ok let me just get my saddle bag and we can go..." Twilight said as she quickly went up stairs.

So I just waited patiently at the door. Spike was lazely sitting on a couch, so I guess i don't have to deal with him for a while.

He was tapping his foot impatiently with a look of annoyance, something tells me he's not usually like this, me being here is probably the reason. Twilight came downstairs her saddle bag, Which was just a brown purse thing that came to her side.

"Alright let's get going!" she said as she walked next to me.

I opened the door and we walked out. Before I closed the door Twilight called out.

"Spike! Make sure you clean up for Luna's arrival!" She said as the door shut, Spike groaned loudly on the other side as it closed.

I turned away from the door and looked toward the town. The streets were busy with ponies everywhere, going about their daily routines, it reminded me alot of human cities... Except... No cars... Or skyscrapers... Or billboards... Or planes... Or helicopters... Or huma... You know what? Never mind!

I quickly realized that if any of these ponies overreacted, I could end up burning on the stake... I'm going to be ready to bail at a moments notice But If Twilight's reaction was anything to go by, there shouldn't be any problems. And for the most part I was right! About half of them either didn't notice me or they didn't care. but the other half...

"Woah! What is that thing?"

"Why is Twilight with that creature?"

"That thing is tall!"

"Wow!"

That's the kinda crap I heard from the ones that stayed far and talked about me. Some of them just looked at me with a blush for some reason and Of course there were some brave enough to actually walk up to me, I just told all of them to fuck off.

I was being kinda hostile to most of them because I was getting sick of this attention... Twilight just watched my antics with disappointment, no doubt When the Princesses arrive, it'll be worse...

Stuff like that basically happened for a while before we reached the edge of an apple farm. Twilight told me earlier that we should pick up the cakes and stuff last, so we don't have to carry them everywhere with us. Of course I was pissed at first, but Twilight said we can probably get a snack or something to hold me over when we visit her apple farmer friend.

Now let me tell you... I have never seen so many apple trees in my goddamn life... They were **everywhere!** One side of the path we were on was full of trees with huge delectable looking bright red apples, while the other side had a bunch of appleless trees. I have to give credit to this apple farmer... They take good care of these trees...

After walking this path for another minute I started to see a big red farmhouse with a barn and a silo. It looked like your typical farm type place... Minus the huge farming equipment and tractors that a Human farm would have. This place was kinda big... I bet this farmer has workers coming from all over.

As we neared the house and came over the hill, I saw an orange pony with yellow hair that was tied in a pony tail... Ha get it because she's a pon...Shut up!

Anyway she had this big brown Stenson hat on which at first looked really ridiculous but then again I was dealing with talking ponies here... She was standing next to a bunch of buckets around a tree and looked like she was examining it.

"Applejack!" Twilight called out happily as we walked up to her.

The pony quickly turned and smiled at Twilight.

"Howdy Twilight! How are y'all tod.." The pony stopped in her tracks when she saw me. Her mouth began to slowly open wide as she stared up at me in silence. I just stared back at her raising my eyebrow slightly.

"Oh this is my Friend Derrick! He prefers to be called DJ..." Twilight said as she pointed to me.

Applejack's expression did a complete 180 and she walked right up to me and smiled warmly.

"Howdy DJ! Ma names Applejack! Welcome ta Sweet Apple Acres!" She said holding her hoof out to me. Did she want me to shake her hoof? They have hand shakes here?

After some hesitation I held my hand out and grabbed her hoof. Applejack then proceeded to almost break my arm.

"Ow! Dammit! Stop!" I said quickly letting go of her hoof... This pony was Strong!

"Er... Sorry if ah hurt ya there feller..." She said in apology as I just cursed her under my breath.

Applejack turned back to Twilight, and I noticed something. She had a tattoo of apples on her butt. I guess she loves apples SO much that she decided to get a tattoo? Wait no... Literally all of the ponies I've seen today had one in the **EXACT** same spot. I looked at Twilight and I noticed even she had one, it looked like a purple star with sparkles all over it... How fitting. I decided finally, that I was going to ask them about these tattoos, because if I'm to stay here for a while I have to know some pony culture.

Twilight and Applejack Nuzzled each other, was that supposed to be a greeting? How come they didn't shake hoofs? Maybe Applejack and Twilight agreed not to do that to avoid broken limbs...

"Uh... Question..." I said, making them turn to me.

"Yes DJ?" Twilight said looking at me curiously.

"What's with the butt tattoos? How come everyone has one?" I asked carefully, hopefully not offending them.

They looked at each other for a second then busted out laughing.

"Oh no no no, these aren't tattoos!" Twilight said as she pointed to what I was asking about.

"They're cutie marks!" Apple jack said. Cutie marks? I swear to god this is so girly... I don't think its healthy for me to hold in this many laughs... But for now its better that I don't offend them.

"A cutie mark is a symbol that ponies earn when they're young, that represents his or her special talent!" Twilight explained.

"So if I have this right... Your talent is... Apples.. and yours is fucking... Sparkles?" I said pointing to them both respectively.

Twilight's ears drooped slightly at the last part, "Correct... Partially... A cutie mark dosent necessarily represent your talent EXACTLY, for example mine is supposed to represent magic... " she explained with a huff, I guess that offended her a little.

Applejack giggled slightly before turning back to Twilight

"So what brings y'all here Twilight?" She asked.

"Well I was just taking my friend DJ here to meet everypony, we're supposed to get some snacks from Pinkie later."

"Really now? What's the occasion?" Applejack asked curiously.

"Well the Princesses are supposed visiting from canterlot! They want to meet DJ because, he's a REAL human!" Twilight said excitedly.

"Wait what? He's ah HUMAN?" Applejack said as she stepped back, looking at me differently.

"Ah just thought he was dressin up for Nightmare night early!" She said staring at me in awe.

"Yep... 100% homo-sapian right here..." I said with an annoyed sigh, I guess nightmare night is some holiday or something.

"Is that the scientific name for humans?" Twilight asked as I could see signs of the science face approaching.

"Yes...um Applejack?" I said quickly turning away from the crazy unicorn.

"Yes sugar cube?" She said kindly.

"Your an apple farmer right?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"Ah sure am! The best apples in Equestria come from sweet apple acrs!" She said proudly.

"Ma family and I are the best around when it comes ta applebuckin!".

"What the fuck is **applebucking**?" I blurted quickly without restraint, Applejack didn't seem to care though.

"Here I'll show ya!" She said as she walked back over to the buckets around the tree she was standing at. She carefully adjusted one of them and nodded to herself. She then turned back to us with a smirk.

"This is how we get things done in Sweet Apple Acres!" She announced, before she leand forward and proceeded to kick the fuck out of the tree. It made a loud **thump**...so loud I was surprised the tree wasn't snapped in half. The tree shook for a second then every single apple on it fell into their respective buckets, not a single one hit the floor.

"Woah..." I said in suprise as a looked to the farmer in disbelief. How did she know where do put the buckets? How did she know how much force to kick it with? Yeah... I'm not going to ask...

"Well I'm impressed... No human could _**EVER**_ achieve something like that.." I stated simply as nodded my head.

Applejack looked somewhat surprised at my statement before her face morphed to curiosity.

"Really? How do humans farm anyway?" She asked curiously.

We then got into a long interesting conversation as we walked toward the house. I basically just told her about the huge machines that farmers used to harvest things. Unfortunately for me describing them was tough, because they had almost no concept of large machinery. Luckily they apparently had trains, so I just told them they were large train like machines that weren't restricted to tracks and could harvest massive fields in short amounts of time.

"Wow that sounds mighty impressive! But I imagine they don't taste as good sense there not handled with loving hoofs." Applejack said in slight disappointment.

" Not really... The taste gets ruined by chemicals that humans put into them, to make them last longer without spoiling.." I said flatly as we reached the house.

"Hmm... Interestin... anyhow are you two hungry? Granny should be making breakfast about now and we love havin guests!" Applejack said with a smile.

"We would love too!" Twilight answered for us as we walked up the porch of the house.

"Alright come on in and meet some of the Apple family!" She said happily as she opened the door.

Inside the house was pretty stylish, it had that country feel to it without looking too run down. She lead us to the dining room where two ponies were carefully setting up the table. One of them was about Spike's height and she had a yellowish coat with a bright red mane and tail. She was also wearing a large red bow. She was quite small so I assumed she was just a filly and Boy was she cute! In the small kitten kind of way.

Now the other one was different, I think this was the first guy I've seen in this whole danm town. He was **HUGE**... Well for a pony... He was almost to my eye level and he had thick workhorse legs he even had one of those workhorse collar things! he was red with orange hair, his mane and tail was a lot shorter then the rest of them aswell.

These two were happily setting up the table as we walked in.

"Big Mac! We're a havin guests! Add two more plates to the table!" Applejack yelled making the two ponies look up.

They both smiled widely when they saw Twilight and they waved to her, and she waved back. Their faces changed when they saw me unfortunately, the big tall one which I assumed was Big Mac looked confused while the small little one froze.

"Where did ya find that human Applejack?" Big Mac asked with a deep southern voice and puzzled expression. Hmm that would make him the only one besides maybe Twilight to immediately recognize what I am.

"His name is Derrick and he came here with Twilight.." Applejack said as she pointed to me.

Big Mac just nodded and walked up to me and stretched his hoof out to me, oh god... **He** wants a handshake too? I'm going to lose my arm! I thought as I hesitantly streched my hand out.

"Howdy there Derrick! I'm Applejack's older brother Big MacIntosh, but you can just call me Big Mac if ya like." He said politely as we shook hands... Hoofs... Whatever. Unlike Applejack, Big Mac didn't rip my godanm arm off, whether it was from restraint or him simply not being as strong I didn't know, but regardless I was grateful.

"Uh... just call me DJ.." I said as we stopped our hoof shake. I then noticed the little one was hiding cowardly behind him.

"Applebloom... Introduce yourself..." Applejack said sternly making the little one come out. She gulped nervously and walked up to me. I looked down at her and realized my height may be scaring her, so I knelt down to her level and gave a warm smile.

"Um...Howdy... Mr...DJ...ah... ahm Applebloom..." She said shakingly.

"Don't worry Applebloom I won't hurt you... I promise!" I said feeling a bit sappy about it. This made her calm down somewhat and she smiled back.

After the basic introductions we all sat down at the table except Big Mac, who went into the kitchen to help granny or something. Twilight and Applejack were talking about something and Applebloom was just sitting quietly.

I was bored so I decided to ask her something, because I noticed the apple family all had apple cutie marks except her.

"So... You haven't found your talent yet?" I asked.

Applebloom suddenly looked sad at My question, maybe I shouldn't have asked that? She sighed and answered.

"No... Apples run in the family... but that doesn't mean ma cutie mark has to be one... Me and mah friends are the only ones that don't have one yet.." She said sorrowfully.

I cringed slightly, yep shouldn't have asked that...

"Well...uh I'm sure you'll get one... Pretty soon.." I said reassuringly.

She suddenly brightened up and smiled at me.

"Mister DJ... Do ya think you could help me get mine?" She asked with hope in her eyes.

I raised my eyebrows, humans don't have cutie marks so how the hell would I help her?

"Uh.. Sorry applebloom... Humans don't have cutie marks..." I said honestly, making her sigh in disappointment, something tells me she asks everyone that same question. I was so distracted by this conversation that I didn't notice Big Mac carrying food from the kitchen, followed by a green old looking pony.

I Quickly turned to see a few apple based foods like pies, cakes, cobblers you name it and it was on the table. Oh god it all looks... amazing! And Twilight said a SNACK! Big Mac sat across from me while the old pony sat on the far end of the table. The old pony looked wrinkled and frail, she was green with white hair and she had an orange bandana with apples on it around her neck...

"Howdy there Sonny... Its nice to have guests.. Especially such handsome ones like you! I'm granny smith by the way!" She said kindly. Whoa that was weird... She said i was handsome? I figured I would appear ugly to the ponies because I was so... different... Then again.. This ones probably kinda weird, because she is old and all. She basically proved my point by falling asleep right then and there, prompting a giggle from everyone while I just smiled nervously.

"OK let's eat y'all!" Applejack said as she pointed to the pies. Twilight used her magic to divide up everything at the table and put food on everyone's plates, I must say magic must come in handy... Too bad I don't have it.

After everyone got there food, the ponies dug in... It was kinda messy. They didn't have forks or spoons, so they just stuck their faces into the food and went to town, while I picked some of it up with my hands and watched them eat. After a few bites they all began to talk among themselves while I just sat back. I looked up and noticed big Mac was giving me a sideways glance. I raised my eyebrow and he quickly went back to eating. After a while I decided to say something.

"So... Big Mac... What do you do around here?" I asked curiously.

He took a bite of his pie before answering.

"Well besides apple buckin with my sister ah usually do the heavy liftin around here..." He said. Hmm makes sense... He is pretty big after all...

" It's mighty hard work sometimes... Plowin those fields.. " he said as he gazed out the window.

"Wait you do it... By yourself?" I asked urgently, there is no way! They must have a work force!

Big Mac shook his head, "Nnope! Just **me and ma sister**..."

"Danm.." I muttered as I leaned back, these farmers are _**GOOD**_ !

" Ah also do repairs, you'd be surprised how much stuff breaks around here..." he said with an annoyed look. Gosh it must be hard to fix things with just your mouth and hoofs... I have to give him props.

"Then of course I hafta watch Applebloom... or she'll burn down the barn..." He added as he glared at the filly who was listening to Twilight and applejack. We both shared a quick laugh as we ate more pie.

"Um... Is it OK if I just call you Mac? Its kinda odd for me sense were both guys..." I said with a nervous smile. The real reason was because everytime I said his name I would crave McDonald's and I don't think I'm getting meat again any time soon...

"Oh that's fine ah understand..." He said with a laugh, and a bite of apple cobbler.

We sat silent for a while before I spoke up again.

" Hey... can I ask you something?" I said carefully.

Mac just nodded as he took another bite.

I leaned in and whispered to him, "You're the first guy I've met here so far and in town all I saw was a bunch of girls... Competition for guys is high here isn't it?" I asked quite bluntly taking Mac by suprise.

He then leaned closer and whispered, "It sure is! That's why ah avoid leaving the farm... The mares give me naughty looks..." He said. He then whispered the next part to me extremely quiet.

"I would watch yourself out there partner, ponies date **OUTSIDE** of their species... So don't be surprised if they give _**YOU**_ naughty looks too..."

He shuddered as he said the next part "Especially with **MATING** season in a few weeks..." , His warning made my heart go cold. I was going to have to look out for that because I attracted _quite_ the attention in Town already, and we were going to go back soon, hell granny even said I was handsome.

"Thanks for the warning... I'll lookout for that" I said awkwardly making Mac nod.

"Eyyup!"

After a while we finished eating, cleaned up and left. We waved to the apple family as we went back on the path to ponyville, Twilight trotted happily while I followed nervously.

"Hey DJ? What were you and Big Mac talking about? You look kind of pale.." She asked, turning to me and breaking my train of thought.

"Oh...uh...Farming..." I lied, Twilight looked suspicious.

"Really? Why do you look so worried then?" She asked slowing her pace.

"I guess I'm just nervous... I'm in a new world after all and I have no clue how I got here or if any of this is real..." I said rubbing my head.

"Oh I see..." She said, seemingly satisfied with that answer so we kept walking.

"OK now we should probably go see Rarity next... Her place is pretty deep in town..." Twilight muttered.

"Yay..." I said sarcastically. I wasn't looking forward to going back into town after that WARNING Mac gave me.

We finally reached ponyville once again except this time I paid attention to the enough I spotted some mares staring at me with a blush on their faces looking at me in a lusty daze. Back home I was considered an above average face but you'd think it wouldn't translate well to a ponie's eyes. This is way to weird for me... I urged Twilight to walk a little faster and she complied with little suspicion.

Eventually we finally arrived at that weird tower looking house from earlier. As Twilight knocked on the door I saw a sign that said "Carousel Boutique". Huh... This place kinda does look like a carousel...

"Rarity is the best around when it comes to clothes and fashion!" Twilight said to me as we waited.

Hmm... That's weird... I haven't seen any ponies with clothes... Oh and that's another problem with this place! Besides their tails covering it at some angles, you could see _**EVERYTHING **_! Thankfully it seems the guys here have a sheath or something so I won't have to see any _meat_ dragging across the floor...

My mind was pulled out of the gutter when the door swung open.

"Twilight darling! Its good to see you!" A voice said from the other side of the door. I couldn't see who it was from my angle so I just waited.

"Hi Rarity! Do you have a few minutes? I want you to meet somepony..." Twilight said happily.

"Who is it? Did you finally meet a nice young stallion?" The pony said as she opened the door wide.

The pony opened her eyes and froze. She was a white pony with purple curly, neat hair and very pretty eyes. She stared up at me in silence.

"Who...who is this?" The pony stammered, her face still expressionless.

"This is my friend Derrick! He's a HUMAN!" Twilight said with a grin but the pony just blinked.

Twilight started to look concerned as she tilted her head slightly.

"Are you OK rarity?"

"Yes im... Quite alright... Its just... Your friend... His clothes... They're absolutely _dreadful _!" She said as she looked at my clothes. You know what? I don't like this bitch already...

" What's WRONG with my clothes? " I asked sternly as I narrowed my eyes, all I had on was black and white nike.. What's so _dreadful_ about that?

"They're simply too Dull and Dark! And they're covered with that horrid check mark! We must get you a new set immediately!" Rarity said as she grabbed me with her magic and rushed inside, followed by Twilight.

Sigh... This telekinesis bullshit is really pissing me off! I'm pretty much at the mercy of any unicorn I come across! First thing on my list to do is to find away to prevent ponies from grabbing me. I was expecting to like Twilight's other friends because of the impression Applejack gave me but this _"Rarity"_ was quickly getting on my bad side.

The interior of the boutique was incredibly fancy and neat. There were various materials lying around with a few sowing machines and some pony manikins there as well. I got my hopes up with charging my phone when I saw the sowing machines only to see that there were no wall outlets, Danm...I guess they're magic powered, and Until I find a way to charge my phone, I'm not cutting it on.

Rarity magicked some measuring tape over from somewhere and a look of determination crossed her face.

"These simply won't do darling! I'll make you some NEW clothes!" Rarity said as she measured me and the so called Dreadful clothes.

"Let me go!" I snapped angrily

"Oh no.. Darling I'm not done measuring yet!" She said as she ignored my request and continued.

"Put me the fuck down!" I yelled making her drop me in suprise.

"I don't want any godanm new clothes!" I snapped angrily at her.

Rarity gasped and held her hoof to her mouth in shock.

"My my... such _L__anguage _! You should be ashamed of yourself!" Rarity said sternly pointing a hoof at me.

"Bitch you're not my mother! I can say whatever the fuck I want!" I yelled at her, now I was really mad, within 15 seconds of meeting me this pony managed to insult my clothes, force me into her shop without asking and she even tried to tell me how I should speak.

I stared the pony down angrily and she stared back up at me with narrowed eyes.

"You Brute!"

"Shut up Cow!"

"No good Ruffian!"

"Your CRAZY!"

"You smell FUNNY!"

We exchanged a few more insults before Twilight interrupted us.

"Stop it you Two! It was just a simple misunderstanding!" She yelled making us stop. Rarity held her nose in the air and looked away with a huff while I just crossed my arms.

"Rarity you shouldn't have insulted DJ's clothes and you DID force him into getting new ones and DJ you didn't have yell! You could have been less harsh!" she said looking to us sternly. Rarity lowered her head in shame while I just clenched my fists. I was about 101% done with this shit so I walked back toward the door.

"I'm going to let myself out... I'll be outside when you're ready Twilight..." I said coldy as I left and shut the door, no I didn't slam it... That's that immature shit... OK I did a little... A lot...

I ended up just sitting on the porch with my head on my knees and waited. I looked at the crowd of townspeople's or I guess townsponies. Eventually i stared into space in boredom. Suddenly I heard a loud boom sound and a bright Rainbow bullet landed in front of me. The rainbow blur created a large cloud of dust that swirled around it. Eventually it faded to reveal a blue pony with messy Rainbow Hair and her eyes were a piercing red. the thing that I noticed the most about her however were the wings that this pony was now folding to her sides neatly, this pony was a PEGASUS!

Alright so let me see here...

DJ's checklist of bullshit:

Talking technicolor ponies:√

Talking technicolor ponies with HORNS: √

MAGIC: √

Talking technicolor baby DRAGONS:√

Shity Broken Physics: √

EVERYONE is naked:√

**Talking technicolor ponies with WINGS:√**

OK just had to add that one...

" I can't believe this shit..." I said as I brought my hands to my face. The Pegasus heard me talking and walked over to me.

"Whoa...what are you?" The Pegasus asked as her eyes widened in awe.

"Who wants to know?" I responded sternly hoping the pony would just think I'm a jerk and go away.

"The amazing and totally awsome Rainbow Dash wants to know!" She answered with a smirk.

"Sigh... I'm a Human... Happy now? Good now buzz off..." I said in annoyance as I lowered my head again.

"Whoa a real human?!" She said excitedly as she got closer.

I stood up and walked down the porch and stared down at the pony angrily.

"Gosh...you're almost as tall as Princess Celestia!" She said staring up at me in amazement. Wait what? I'm _ALMOST_ as tall as her? Nope that's impossible... Big Mac was a big stallion, and he only came to my neck. Celestia was probably short and she just had herself portrayed to be tall... Like Napoleon...wait he wasn't actually short...just forget it. The thought of one of any these ponies being taller then me kinda terrified me.

"Alright whatever... Just go away! You're pissing me off!" I snapped angrily. Rainbow dash narrowed her eyes at me and stepped closer.

"What if I don't want to? You can't tell me what to do punk!" She said sternly. OK didn't expect that... this one is kinda fiesty.

I opened my mouth to respond but nothing came, she was right after all because I wasn't going to stoop so low as hitting a pony... Besides isn't that animal abuse? Well they are sapiant... So im Not sure if they count... Nevertheless this bitch insisted on not leaving and there wasn't a thing I can do about it.

So I just frowned and turned back.

I sat back down on the porch as Rainbow Dash trotted up to me looking victorious.

"I'm so awesome... I'm the fastest flyer in equestria!" She said proudly getting into some corny looking pose.

"I don't care..." I said bluntly as I glared at her.

" I find that hard to believe anyway... How can you even fly with those tiny things?" I added as I pointed to her wings.

She looked to her wings and stretched them out.

"Hey! My wings aren't small! And I can fly just _fine _!" She said as she hovered in the air to proof her point.

"They're still tiny"

" No they're not!"

"They really are... It should be _**impossible**_ for you to even take off with those stubby things... You're wings span is pathetic.." I said, making her coat bristle in anger.

"Well... What about you? You don't even have wings!" She said pointing at me.

"Humans don't need wings, we've built machines to do the flying for us.." I said casually.

"PFF... So did we! hot air balloons are slow anyways!" She said waving a hoof.

"We have machines way faster then those..." I said shaking my head, a few planes coming to mind like a f-35 or the R-77 blackbird .

"Yeah right!" She said dismissing my statement.

I looked up into the sky and saw a few Pegasus flying around, before they disappeared behind a huge cloud...

"Man its cloudy today..." I muttered to myself

Rainbow dash looked up into the sky and saw all the various clouds.

"I'll get rid of them.." Rainbow dash said confidently making me stare at here puzzled .

"What do you mean... _I'll get rid of them_ ?!" I asked as I narrowed my eyes, what is she thinking? She says like that like she can control the weather...

Rainbow dash suddenly soared into the air at alarming speed, she left a brilliant rainbow trail behind her as she zipped through the sky, busting clouds apart into nothing as she flew. After about 10 seconds the sky was clear and she landed in front of me wearing a smug grin.

"Told you I'm awesome!" She said as she flipped her rainbow hair with a smirk.

I... I have no words for this... She broke... _**All the physics**_... I'm...so...confused...**FUCKING PONIES!**

I stared blankly at her and I just put my head down slowly in defeat.

Eventually she started going into this long speech about how "Awesome she was and how she was going to join the Wonder bolts and how she could do Sonic rainbooms or some shit I don't even know anymore...

A minute later Twilight finally emerged from Rarity's house.

"Finally!" I sad in relief as i stood up again.

Rainbow dash looked surprised as she pointed to me.

"You know _him _?" She said in shock, Wait a second...

"You know _her _?" I said pointing to Rainbow dash.

Twilight just nodded with a nervous smile.

"Rainbow dash meet Derrick, Derrick meet Rainbow dash!" She said pointing to us respectively.

"Hmm... It seems you to are already acquainted.." She said as she looked between us.

Rainbow dash pointed to herself proudly. "Yup! I was just showing this guy how awesome I am..."

"By stroking your ego? We heard all of it from inside..." Twilight said as she deadpanned.

Rainbow dash just snorted angrily and folded her hoofs.

Her attitude changed when she suddenly remembered something.

"Oh hay I forgot! I need to ask Rarity something!" She said putting a hoof to her face...kinda like a facepalm... But with hoofs...sigh...

"Sounds like a personal problem..." I said slyly as the rainbow Pegasus ran up to the door pushing past Twilight.

"Gotta go! I'll see ya later Twi!" She blurted before disappearing inside Rarity's house.

I stood up and began to walk away.

"Let's Go Twilight!" Muttered waving to her to lead the way and we began to walk again.

After some quiet Twilight spoke up.

"You should really apologize to Rarity... She feels terrible about what happened earlier.." Twilight said with her head down.

I just scoffed, I hope I _never_ see her crazy ass again.

"Why should I apologize? I did nothing wrong! Besides she didn't even apologize to me!" I said in outrage.

"I know... But she said she would apologize later at a more appropriate time... Whatever that means..." She said looking a bit confused.

I just shook my head and looked away... Hey there's that hobbit house again... Oh looks like that's our stop, Twilight's headed there.

She knocked on the door of the hobbit house and we waited... And waited... And waited... Knocked again... And waited... _And waited_... Ok we're done here.

"Looks like Fluttershy isn't home..." Twilight said as she turned back to me and I sighed in annoyance.

"I guess it's off to Sugarcube corner then!" Twilight said happily as we walked back Toward the gingerbread house. Something was off though... The streets were... Empty... There wasn't a single pony on the street.

"Where is everypony?" Twilight asked as she looked around worriedly.

"I don't like this... Something is up..." I said suspiciously. Where they fuck was everyone? This was beginning to creep me out...

After some walking we finally made it to the edible house or "Sugarcube corner".

"Well we're here! Let's get a cake from Pinkie and go to my place..." Twilight said as she opened the door.

Unlike the other places we visited, this was a Restaurant, so it was a bit larger than you're average house...

As Twilight opened the door she gasped.

"What is it?" I said as I stuck my head through the doorway. Literally a second after I did that, the room lit up and there were ponies... ponies as far as my eyes could see. Most of them were just random towns ponies, but I actually recognized some of them. Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Spike and even _Mac_ was here! There was also this yellow Pegasus with pink Hair standing with them. They were all staring at me with warm smiles. So many ponies staring at me got me nervous, I would have retreated if Twilight wasn't standing behind me.

They all took deep breaths at the same time, then they all Screamed at the top of there lungs.

**"Suprise!"** They all yelled in unison.

Sigh... Whos idea was this? I was hoping to be done with ponies for a while after we came here but Nnnooooo some bitch had to throw us a suprise party! and for what? By the time this is over I'm going to have a huge headache...

My thoughts were interrupted when I looked to my right and saw a pink pony with blue eyes, giving me a smile so wide that it actually _DID_ pop off her face. Oh god that's **worse than the Science face**! Who is this?

"Hi I'm Pinkie pie!"

Notes: you all knew that was coming! I'm liking this so far, the story is practically writing itself! (Of course I still have some stuff planned out!) Anyway sense I am enjoying myself with this , I'm going to focus on this story for a while, I guess a break from my other fanfic...

The party and meeting with Pinkie,Fluttershy and Luna should follow soon...

Thanks for reading!(I think I'm gonna stop saying that.)


	3. Act 1 part 3

Act 1 part 3: a party and a princess

"Hi! so you're the new pony in town? Well your not exactly a pony... what are you? " Pinkie pie blurted loudly into my face. Sigh...

"I'm a HUMAN!" I said loud enough for everyone to hear, there... Maybe I won't have to keep saying it now...

The crowd of ponies gasped in suprise, and the room fell silent. I HATE silence!

I slowly started backing away, only to bump into Twilight, who just nudged me forward again. What do they all want? They're just staring at me! Hmm...I know how to end this...

"My name is Derrick, but just call me DJ, as I've said before I'm a human. Don't annoy me and maybe you'll stay on my good side...now start you're party or whatever..." I said loudly before retreating to an empty corner of the room, sitting down and putting my hood on.

At first they all looked puzzled then they did what I said and started the party. It wasn't that complicated after that, normal party stuff happened like ponies laughing and socializing, while others embarrassed themselves dancing to some music, heh you'll never catch me dancing... I think I'm just going to sit here and nap until this party blows over... Or not... Here comes the pink one...

" Do you like the party?!" Pinkie asked with a hopeful grin.

I took my hood off and deadpanned, I would be miles away right now if Twilight didn't stop me. Back home I avoided most parties because I was really awkward at them... Especially around girls... I was just HORRIBLE.

"No..." I said bluntly

Pinkie's crazy mane and tail practically deflated and her physics breaking smile disappeared.

"Why...why not?" She asked with a quivering lip and watering eyes, holy shit! That look... Danm these ponies and there cuteness...it's not gonna work this time.

"I didn't want a party... Nor did I want to be around so many ponies at once... Plain and simple..." I said flatly.

"But you're new here! I have to plan a welcome party for new ponies in town! I do it for EVERYPONY!" She said with a smile. Huh... All of them were treated like this? Yeesh...

After she said that Twilight walked over with all of her friends, I was kinda happy to see Applejack and Mac but the rest of them can fuck off as far as I'm concerned... Wait what about that yellow one? Since Im probably going to be around Twilight for a while I'm probably going to meet her anyways... Let me just get this over with...

I walked over to the yellow Pegasus that seemed to be hiding behind the rest of the group.

"Hey you're one of Twilight's friends right?" I asked as I folded my arms. The pony just yelped and hid behind her hair, shaking nervously, the hell is her problem?

"Well are you?" I asked again raising my voice slightly and she just nodded sheepishly.

"You probably know my name already, so what's yours?" I asked, this is probably Fluttershy, but I don't know if Twilight has other friends so this could be anyone... Besides if this IS Fluttershy then the irony couldn't be worse...

"I'm...Fluttershy..."

"What?"

"My name is Fluttershy..."

"I can't hear you..."

"My..name..is..Fluttershy!"

"For fucks sake speak up!" I said with an annoyed tone making her shrink even smaller.

"Her name is Fluttershy..." Rainbow dash cut in as she saw that this introduction wasn't going well. I just stared at them both with a blank expression...

Wow... Really? The names fit WAY to fucking well here... Applejack is good with apples, Rainbow dash is fast and she's rainbow colored, Rarity... Well I'm not sure there... But Pinkie pie is pink and probably bakes pies, Twilight is good at magic and sparkles and shit, and Fluttershy is...Shy... Props to the parents of these girls for epic foreshadowing...

Speaking of fitting names... I wonder what Celestia and Luna will be like... Apprantly Celestia is taller than me... So if that's true then she's on HORSE status... I think if she is I would officially be intimidated, because horses kick HARD! But I don't really believe them for a second... Mac is probably taller than them both anyway...

My thoughts were interrupted when Rarity walked over to me, Oh god what does this bitch want...

"DJ? I'm Terribly sorry for my immature behavior earlier... I shouldn't have acted that way..." She said looking Down in shame, I just nodded.

"Especially to such a Handsome fellow..." She said with a nervous blush. OH god...no...just...NO! Ponies are not FLIRTING with me! I'm not getting dragged into this! This is the second fucking time! I swear watch the princesses say something like that... I will go drown myself!

"Yeah...uh...its OK..." I said quickly as I looked away. I looked up a second later and I noticed all the girls were blushing while Mac and Spike were facepalming. Alright I got the message guys...CHANGE THE SUBJECT! Let's see... I could show them my phone...nah they're not ready for it... Besides Twilight would go INSANE! I might show the princesses or something, maybe that would freak out less. Eh...I'm just going to ignore them for now.

I casually pulled up my left sleeve and checked my watch, I should probably get this thing set to the right time... I'll use that wall clock over there...

Before I walked even an inch Twilight ran up to me.

"DJ what is THAT?" She said pointing to my watch... What.. they don't have watches here?

"My...watch?" I said nervously as the Science face revealed itself.

"How come it...glows?" She asked curiously, her eyes sparkling. Oh... They don't have DIGITAL watches here...

"Its just a digital watch..." I began but was interrupted by Twilight's horn glowing. Then right before my eyes my Watch deconstructed itself to the point where its components could be seen clearly. OK that was cool...HOWEVER... if this can't be reversed, I'm gonna have to choke a bitch. Twilight's friends crowded around us In awe.

"I don't understand... How does this watch work without gears?" She said tilting her head in confusion as she stared at the parts.

"Its powered by electricity..." I said making her gasp.

"What? That's impossible! How can this tiny watch hold an electric charge that long? And I don't see any magic orbs..." She said in disbelief.

"Maybe...but this thing can..." I said as I pointed to the tiny cylinder battery.

Twilight looked like she was about try open it to my horror.

"No don't! There is ACID in there!" I said quickly.

"Cool..." Muttered Spike and Rainbow dash.

"Wait really why?" Twilight asked stepping back slightly. Shit...I really don't know why batteries have acid... I did at one point but I guess its one of those random facts you forget when you need it.

I sighed and shook my head.

"Look I didn't invent this thing! Just know that the battery powers the screen and the screen is just a bunch of tiny dots that light up to make a picture! And the green chip thing controls it all and tells time!" I said slightly annoyed in a attempt to explain.

She nodded and reversed the "deconstruction" spell and I was relieved when my watch was put back correctly. The battery was disconnected when she took it apart though so it was back to the default time setting, a flashing "12:00" which was still wrong.

"What else can it do?" Twilight asked curiously.

I just shrugged and pressed the buttons.

"It tells time and the date, Has a stopwatch, an alarmclock and it's waterproof.." I muttered as I flipped through the features that I remembered.

"Neat! We have similar devices but they are just powerd by magic stored in small orbs, converted to electricity, not electricity directly..." She explained. Huh... It just sounds like an over elaborate battery to me...

I walked over to the wall clock and adjusted my watch, it was about 5:40 pm so I assume it'll be dark soon and Luna will be coming later. I decided to not bother setting the date because thier calanders probably work differently anyways. After that I decided to go get a snack or something, Because I may aswell enjoy this somewhat...

As I walked over to the snack table the ponies politely moved out of my way and honored my request.

"See! I told you humans were REAL Bon-Bon!" A bluish unicorn in the crowd said, she looked like she was gonna come over or something but her friend stopped her.

"Come on Lyra... Honor his request and leave him alone... for now..." Her friend said making me smile on the inside, yup just keep that awkwardness away...wait for now? What the hell does she mean?

Anyway I got to the table and there was all kinds of cakes, cookies, donuts, pies, iceream and brownies up there and oh my god...they taste so good it's like sex in my mouth! After grabbing a few snacks, I went to the drink stand which was oddly close to where the DJ was. The ponies seemed to have some kind of technology, because they had a nice set of speakers blasting music... I'm not sure how to describe the music really... Its.. Just party music I guess.

As I was getting a drink the DJ pony called out to me. She was white with light and dark blue hair and she was wearing shades.

"Yo! I know you wanted to be left alone but, You're kinda stealing my thunder dude..." The DJ said, I couldn't read her expression because of the danm sunglasses.

I looked to the pony in confusion, what does she mean?

"You're DJ...I'm DJ-Pon-3..." She said waving her hoof, oh I see where she's going with this.

"Heh... Don't worry I'm not really a DJ... I don't know shit about music or how to work any of that equipment... Its just a nickname..." I muttered and she nodded.

"The names Vinyl scratch by the way.." She said as she changed records with her magic, Danm... If I had magic I would be one lazy motherfucker, I probably would have had all the snacks floating to me instead of walking over here.

"Nice to meet you Vinyl... You seem pretty chill, but right now I'm just trying to get a drink..." I said pointing to the drink stand trying to escape the conversation.

Vinyl raised her sunglasses revealing her red eyes.

"Alright dude I'll see ya around or something..." she said with a wink and a smile, before putting her shades back on. I gulped nervously and walked over to the drinks. They had a bunch of lemonade, and jucies that I kinda recognized, but I decided to play it safe and get something basic. Hmm...I wonder if they have alcohol? Meh probably not, I shouldn't worry about something like that when I have to meet important people later...er ponies.

I got what i assumed was fruit punch and I returned to the corner where Twilight and the gang were. Apprantly while I was gone they decided to have a chugging contest, because Rainbow dash and Applejack were struggling with huge pitchers of dark liquid.

"Come on Rainbow dash you've got this!" Spike cheered.

"Yeah come on!" pinkie chanted

"Ah know you can beat her sis!" Mac encouraged.

"Chug Applejack!" Twilight yelled.

They were both about half way done before Rainbow dash started to choke a little, but she kept going. Honestly I was betting on Applejack to win because she looked way calmer then Rainbow dash did, I guess people challenge her a lot... and I was right! because she slammed her cup on the table that they pulled up, a full 3 seconds before Rainbow dash did.

"Ha! Ah won!" Applejack said with a smirk.

Rainbow dash slammed her cup down a second later.

"No fair! I choked!"

Applejack shook his head," That's not ma problem... If you're gonna challenge me yur gonna have to get used to losin! " Applejack said confidently.

Spike facepalmed and slammed what looked like golden coins into Mac's waiting hoofs, making him smile victoriously.

"I warned you spike! You keep making bad bets!" Twilight said, looking disapointed.

Spike folded his arms and pouted angrily, muttering quietly to himself. Ha that's what you get little guy.

Everyone noticed I was back and they smiled at me, oh god what's up?

"So DJ...I bet you couldn't beat, BIG MAC in a chugging contest!" Pinkie pie said with a smug grin.

Mac smiled nervously and waved his hoofs in protest.

"Now I'm Sure DJ here wouldn't want to get **embarrassed**..." He said smugly.

"You saying I would lose?" I said, narrowing my eyes suspiciously.

"Ah might be..." He said looking up innocently. Oh you're **ON** motherfucker!

"Challenge accepted!" I said more confident then usual,

"Alright... What are we drinking?" I asked, stepping up to the table and staring him down.

"Ah dunno...Pinkie?" Mac said as he turned to her.

"Golden Bud Cider!" Pinkie said cheerfully, as she slammed two large pitchers onto the table, OK I have no idea what that drink is but all I know is Mac is going down.

"Alright hand it...er...hoof it over!" I said as she slid the cup to me, then she slid Mac his cup.

Mac and I glared at each other, determination burning in our eyes. We waited for Pinkie's signal as everyone got quiet to watch, hell even the ponies partying stooped and looked over to our chugging corner.

"Go!" Pinkie yelled and Mac and I started chugging.

Back home I was actually pretty good at chugging drinks, but I've never done it around so many people... Ponies before (man I'll never get used to that...). As the first drop of "Golden bud cider" reached my tounge I almost spit it out immediately and I had to stop myself from tossing it across the room... But no...I had to beat this guy! He Thinks he show me up!? Hell no!

So i maned up and just kept chugging, fortunately it looked like Mac was having a hard time with the stuff too because he scrunched his face up in disgust. After a few more seconds I slammed the cup on the table with a proud burp, way before Mac to everyone's suprise, well I guess they didn't expect the human to beat "Big" Mac. heh I should call him little Mac from now on... No that's that dude from punch out isn't it?.

Mac just glared daggers at me without saying anything while everyone else cheered, after some time the other ponies went back to partying.

"That was the worst fucking drink I've **ever** tasted!" I muttered as I shoved a pie in my mouth to alleviate the horrible taste, making everyone laugh.

"Ah...ah think I'm gonna hurl..." Mac said as he held his stomach and mouth with a sad groan. Danm I feel it too... What the hell was in that drink?

Pinkie looked puzzled for a second, she then examined the large barrel she got the drinks from and started sweating and smiling nervously.

_"Oopsie..."_ Pinkie muttered, guilt written all over her face.

Twilight magicked the barrel to her to see for herself. She was reading what was probably the ingredients or something whenever her eyes suddenly shot open wide, and her pupils were tiny dots, OK what the HELL is in the drink?

"What's wrong Twilight?" Rainbow dash said as she flew over to read the barrel, then she gasped and looked at Mac and I, what the hell? are we poisoned?

I got tired of this shit and just walked over and read the barrel for myself. On the ingredients section in Bold red letters was the word ALCOHOLIC. Ohh no... I just chugged down a shit load didn't I? Oh god... I have to meet Luna while drunk and Celestia with a hangover? FUCK MY LIFE!

"You got the wrong barrel Pinkie! You were supposed to get the NON-alcoholic cider!" Twilight yelled in outrage.

Mac's ears drooped and the hair on my neck stood up.

"Oh my..." Rarity said bringing a hoof to her mouth.

"Uh oh..." Spike said nervously.

"Not good..." Apple jack said with a hoofpalm.

"Eeep!" Fluttershy said as she his behind her mane.

Mac and I slowly looked at each other with sad expressions, we started to feel abit... Woozy. A moment later Mac passed out on the floor, and then everything went black as my body hit the floor...

...

I woke up sitting on a coach, feeling like a train ran me over. What the hell happened? Oh yeah... Mac and I passed out...

I looked around the room and I saw Mac sitting next to me, still knocked out and drooling, snoring quite loudly. I heard Twilight and her friends talking about something downstairs. But my drunken mind couldn't pick out what they are saying. A few moments later Mac shot awake and cringed.

"Ma head... DJ what happened?" He asked rubbing his head in pain.

"Got...wasted..." I said in confusion as I stumbled to my feet.

He tried to stand on his hoofs but he collapsed a few times.

"I recken we should never do that again..." Mac said with a frown as he came next to me.

"Agreed..." I muttered as I walked around trying to get my bearings.

"Ah think we should go downstairs..." Mac said as he drunkly stumbled to them and I followed.

He was about to go down the stairs but he suddenly froze in place when he heard a voice that I wasn't familiar with downstairs. Unfortunately my dumbass kept walking so I ran into him, knocking him over. Then both our dumbasses came crashing down Twilight's stairs, bumping around, loudly cussing like sailors.

When we were at the bottom of the stairs Mac and I slowly turned ourselfs upright, giving up on standing temporarily.

"Why the hell did you stop? I said in annoyance, glaringly at Mac who smiled nervously.

" Ah just thought I heard a familiar voice..." He said with a shrug...well the pony equivalent of one, sense their shoulder are different.

"Seriously fuck equestria and its godanm beer..." I said angrily.

"Ah have never had it before... Ah can barley even see straight right now..." Mac said as he slowly stood. It was then that we both realized that the room was really silent. We slowly looked around it.

Twilight was glancing around with a nervous smile, Spike was about to bust out laughing, Rainbow dash was snickering, Rarity looked horrified, Fluttershy just hid behind her mane, Applejack was staring at us blankly and Pinkie pie was giving us her signature physics breaking smile. They were all looking from us to the door and back, who the fuck are they looking at?

Mac and I slowly turned our heads toward the door and our eyes widened.

There was a dark blue pony with a HUGE mane that looked like it was part of the night sky itself and it was **flowing**... Somehow. She also had on these weird slipper thingies that looked like they were iron or something, she also had this black chest piece with a crescent on it and on top of her head was a black **crown**, oh shit that's **Princess Luna **isn't it?

Her expression was mix between amusement and downright confusion with a hint of excitement. She slowly walked over to us looking down on us as Mac and I looked up, sweating nervously as she stood over us.

"Uh...howdy there... Princess..." Mac said with a slight bow, his ears drooped and he was smiling nervously.

The Princess then gave a huge grin before snatching Mac off the ground into a tight embrace. OK this is hilarious! She is crushing him to death! Mac must be weaker than he looks or Luna is just strong as fuck...or both...

"We have missed thee Macintosh! How come you haven't written to us?" Luna said cheerfully as she Nuzzled the stallion.

"Ah have been...uh..busy..." Mac managed to say as he was still getting crushed. She seems to talk with old English or something... Maybe its a royal thing?

"Well make sure to... We very much enjoyed thy company last season..." She told him making him shudder, oh my god... Mac was... With... Luna last season? Sheesh... This guy must get ALL the mares! Judging from all the looks around the room I'm completely right. Fluttershy shy especially poked her head out with narrowed eyes.

"Mac what happened last season?" I whispered to him.

"Later!" He said back with a wave.

Luna finally stopped squeezing him and let him breath some, he gasped for air as she kissed him on the cheek.

"We look forward to seeing thee again... this season..." She added with a wink and a seductive smile. I busted out laughing but she quickly turned and glared at me and I stopped.

"Sup..." I said awkwardly.

"So...this is the... human?" The Princess asked as she looked to Twilight for confirmation and she nodded back.

She looked back to me and just stared. I got tired of sitting on my ass so I tried to stand again, stumbling backwards slightly. When I looked at Luna again, I noticed that she was about an inch above my eye level. Well crap...I liked being able to look down on all these motherfuckers, something I didn't get to do back home. This chick is actually Kinda scary, she is stronger than Mac and her horn wasn't short and stubby like Twilight or rarity's, pointy things make me nervous...

My thoughts were completely shattered by an ear splitting yell.

"GREETINGS HUMAN! WE ARE THE MOON PRINCESS, LUNA!" She screamed into my face, almost knocking Mac and I back, holy shit this bitch is LOUD!

"Oh god...never do that again.." I said, clutching my ears in pain, Mac was doing the same.

"Relax Human! Tis just the Royal canterlot greeting!" She said dismissing it like it was nothing.

"Ah...ah think ma ears are bleedin..." Mac said as he held them worriedly.

Luna giggled, "oh always such a joker Macintosh..." She said with a smile, um...I don't think he's joking... Then again his fur is red sibi can't tell...

"We are quite impressed! Golden bud cider is among one of the strongest beers in equestria! Thee should be greatful that thy have awakened so quickly... **Or at all**..." She said with a nod before her face turned grim.

"However unlike other equestrian beers, Golden Bud will not leave thy systems through natural means like regular alcohol...especially sense thy consumed so much in one sitting..."

"So we're gonna stay drunk...**FOREVER**?" Mac asked with concern as he burped.

"Nay...there is a detoxification facility in canterlot..." She said with a shake of her head, fuck... That means we have to go to canterlot doesn't it...

"I have arranged for thee to go to it tomorrow to get...cleansed." She said with a smirk.

"I've also informed my sister, so thy will be meeting her in canterlot rather than here..." She added, great now I get to be intemedated by this bitch In her CASTLE, and if I'm this scared of Luna then CELESTIA might make me flip.

Mac and I groaned with annoyance, I don't think he likes this either.

"Thankfully while the effects of Golden Bud are long lasting, they are not as... potent as other bears... So you're drunken behavior will fade in and out at random." She said hopefully.

"What do ya mean fade...eegaaaaaaaa..." Mac said as he trailed of into a slurred unintelligible speech as his mouth drooled.

"Like _that_..." Luna said with a giggle.

"OK...this is nice of you and all... But I don't know my way around canterlot... And you're probably too busy to guide us..." I said with a raised brow.

"And that's why **I'm** coming with you!" Twilight cut in with a smile, wonderful... More science! Ugh...

"I used to live there after all... Besides I want to check the canterlot royal archives, and see what they have on **HUMANS**.." She said as the Science face appeared.

"Cool..." I said as I stumbled, I think the drunk is "fading in" right now... OK Derrick... Don't say anything **stupid**...

"So Luna why the fuck is you're cutie mark an **ink stain** with a moon on it? I said pointing to her flank. yup...Totally Nailed it...

At first she looked embarrassed then all the anger surfaced. Mac slowly scooted away from us as Luna's frown grew and her eyes turned white.

" Twilight? "

"Yes Princess?"

"Please inform the human that we are about to Royaly **kick** thy plot!" She said as she glared at me. Godanm what did I get myself into?

"Er...DJ? Ah would start runnin partner..." Mac whispered. I only got about 5 feet before I tripped on the floor drunkly, it didn't matter though because in a split second Luna was on top of me.

...

Yeah... so... I woke up with a black eye and I can't feel my ass...so... danm... She literally kicked it! Everyone was staring silently except Spike and Rainbow dash, who thought this was funny as hell.

It was at this moment that I finally realized for the first time that this WAS REAL. I'm not in a coma, I'm not having some kind of dream and I'm not HIGH. All this magic pony bullshit was REAL and as far as I know I could be here **FOREVER**. All of that hit me like a speeding bullet.

I slowly stood up and walked straight out of Twilight's door without saying a word. I walked away from her house to a nearby hill, contemplating this new harsh reality. I sat atop the hill sorrowfully, the sun was still out but it looked like it was going to set, I guess Luna came early... I sat there thinking... am I ever going to adjust to this place? Is it possible that I can go back to my old life? These were the things I pondered as I threw a piece of gum in my mouth, in an attempt to lower my stress.

However I swallowed it painfully when i heard a **voice** behind me.

"Human?" Oh shit its **Luna!**

I quickly stood up and was about to run until I was stopped by magic...sigh...

"Calm thyself human... We will bring no more harm to thee"... Luna said as she walked up me with an annoyed expression. She let me go and I smiled nervously.

" We... apologize for lashing out at thee... Sometimes it is hard for us to control our anger... " she said lowering her head in shame.

I just sighed and folded my arms.

"It's OK..." I said with a weak smile, I was still in pain after all. I sat back down slowly, but this time I just layed on my back. Luna sat on her haunches next to me with a smile, well I guess she wants to talk? Ugh...

"Does thy know how thee have arrived in equestria?" She asked.

I shook my head, I still don't remember what happened yesterday...

"My sister has some theories... But we shall discuss those later..." She said looking somewhat troubled.

Suddenly I felt I slight gust of wind whenever Luna stretched her...wait what?

"You have **WINGS**?" I asked sitting up nervously.

The Princess looked amused at my reaction and chuckled.

"Why are thee surprised? Rainbow dash and Fluttershy have wings..." She said raising her brow, Well at least she has a better wingspan...

"But...but... You already have a **horn**!" I said in outrage as I pointed to it.

Luna just looked at me like I was crazy, as I tried to comprehend this shit.

"So you're a...pegacorn?" I asked in confusion

"Nay we are an _Alicorn_... A rare pony with Earth pony strength, Unicorn magic and Pegasus flight!" Luna explained. So Apple jack is an earth pony? you've got to be kidding me... Sigh... This just keeps getting better and better...

I facepalmed right then and there with an annoyed sigh.

"What is troubling thee human?" She asked innocently.

"All this **magic** bullshit..." I said bluntly. Making Luna look confused.

"What bull manure magic are you speaking of?" She asked tilting her head.

"Nevermind.." I said as I buried my head into my hands.

Luna just shrugged it off, she looked into the sky.

I could feel the drunk coming back as I asked my next question.

"So what the hell does your cutie mark mean anyways?" I asked without restraint.

I saw a flash of anger appear before it quickly faded "Well we are responsible for raising and lowering the moon..." She said casually. I swear... Who do these ponies think they are? All this telekinesis and controlling the weather and shit... I'm putting my foot down right now.

"No..."

"Excuse me?"

"**No**!"

"No what?"

"You can't move the fucking **moon**!" I yelled in drunken outrage, Luna looked FURIOUS!

**"HOW DARE YOU..." **She quickly stopped herself and calmed down.

"How dare thee question the power of the Princess of the night?" She said, still angry but quieter.

"I don't care! Just because your named after the moon doesn't mean you can **move** the danm thing!"

"Fine..."

"See I knew it was a..."

"We will _Prove_ it too you!" She said with a confident smirk, As she stood up. Alright I have to see this shit...

By the time we finished the sun had set... Quite fast actually... I guess we've been talking for a while...

"Prepare to be proved wrong human..." Luna said with a smirk as her magic lit up. Then a second later the moon started moving up into the night sky and all the stars revealed themselves. No...no...just no! There is NO WAY! This bitch is faking!

"You're faking it! You're just pretending to do it as the moon comes up normally!" I yelled as I pointed an accusing finger at her.

Luna's smirk only got wider as she shook her head in disappointment.

Then all of a sudden the moon started zipping around the sky and the stars aligned into a a pattern that said,**"Yes I can!"**. Sigh... I _hate_ this place...

I just silently lowered my head in defeat and plopped onto the ground. Luna stood over me with a smug grin and I frowned.

"Fuck you..."

"Thee may be quite cute...but we do not wish to mate with thee..." Luna said, her smug grin not moving an inch.

" That's not what I..." I said before burying my head into my hands again.

"Just...**shut up**..."

"It would be wise for thee to watch thy tounge... For thee will **lose it** quickly if thy don't show respect..." Luna said in a dark threatening tone that caught me off guard. OK message received...

I just sat there wide eyed and nodded slowly.

"Good! Now come! Let us indulge in cake and icecream!" She said in a cheerful tone as she trotted back to Twilight's. She quickly stopped and turned around suddenly.

"We have forgotten..." She said slowly.

"Forgotten what?" I asked, curiously.

"To heal thy wounds..." She said looking at me as if I knew...wait seriously?

"Waa?" Was all I managed before her horn glowed and I felt my pain go away...well except my stomach and drunken mind.

Luna just watched me Waiting for me to say something as I sat with my deadpan expression.

"Human?" She said looking slightly worried.

"_Derrick_..."

"Derrick?"

"That's my name..."

"Oh We apologize..." Luna said looking ashamed, hell she should be! Walking around calling me by my species... Its not like i just call her "_pony _"... Well that wouldn't work sense there's so many of them...

" Alright I guess we should go now..." I said pointing to the tree. And with that we headed back but of course It was mandatory I update this first...

DJ's checklist of bullshit:

Talking technicolor ponies:√

Talking technicolor ponies with HORNS: √

MAGIC: √

Talking technicolor baby DRAGONS:√

Shity Broken Physics: √

EVERYONE is naked:√

Talking technicolor ponies with WINGS:√

**Talking technicolor pony that can move the moon, has wings and a horn, and hair with no physics whatsoever:√√**

Notes: hope you guys enjoyed! This one was kinda hard to write because I kept thinking of better ways to do it, so lots of rewrites!

Also those "extra ponies" you saw at the party will get more screentime (you know what I mean...) Along with some that haven't been introduced yet! So quite the cast indeed!

We are coming up to a VERY important plot point in canterlot so get ready!

I do have a mlp question however (I don't watch the show).

Do shining and Candace LIVE in canterlot? Or the crystal empire? I'm confused because in a lot of fanfics or even what I've seen from the show have them just chilling around the castle...I don't even know...

PLEASE answer in a PM! Don't put it in a review!(because what will likely happen is you answer the question but then say nothing else about what you think of the chapter) I want reviews do be...you know... reviews! Tell me what you liked!

On another note I plan to replace the cover art for this story with one I draw myself (probably just DJ) or something. So the one on right now is sorta a placeholder until I either I draw one that I deem good enough or when I find a better picture of celestia... So far all I can draw is sonic and ponies... Not humans... So who knows when that'll happen... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

One final note... This is MY story so that means it won't be 100% accurate to the show but some things will be... So don't yell at me because "its not supposed to do that" and stuff like that...(now that doesn't mean I'm going to go crazy with this thing though so don't worry!). For example... Ponies do have digital watches... But I find it odd that they have stuff like video games yet they lack TV...

I hope you all enjoyed... Because I sure did...


	4. Act 1 part 4

Act 1 part 4: Meet Celestia

Going back to Twilight's was a bit of a drag, because halfway there my drunk ass tripped and fell, so Princess Luna had to Carry me the rest of the way. Then when she set me down in front of the door I bumped my head on the short ass doorframe, right in front of everyone... Yeah... Saying I was embarrassed would be an understatement... So after the laughter faded we all sat down and... Indulged In cake and icecream.

I thought I should find out some more about this little "trip" Mac and I were about to go on.

"Hey Princess... When exactly are we leaving for canterlot?" I asked curiously. Luna turned to me and put here food down.

"Well it is up to thee really... We can leave tonight or tomorrow, whichever is preferred."

"Well what do you think?" I said as I looked at Mac and Twilight.

Twilight sat in thought while Mac spoke up almost immediately.

"Ah say we just leave tonight... No use waitin around.." Mac said with a shrug.

"Well I'm not bringing much... So we can leave tonight..." She said with some uncertainty.

Spike quickly jumped up excitedly.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Can I come too?" He asked as he ran in front of Twilight with a pleading smile.

"Sorry...I don't think so Spike...somepony has to watch the library while I'm gone. Princess, how long do you think we'll be gone?" Twilight asked.

"Hmm...we are not sure... It should only take a few hours... But the doctors may make thee stay longer..." Luna said.

Spike's face fell and he returned to his seat and shoved cake into his mouth.

"Well I haven't slept at all sense I got here so... If I try and sleep before we go then I Know I won't even bother to get up in the morning..." I said honestly with a shrug.

"Hmm...it seems thy should leave tonight then..." Luna said as she summoned a scroll and quill to appear in front of her, yet another example of how useful but physics breaking magic is.

"We shall inform the guard to have a Carriage arrive in one hours time..." She said as she wrote the letter. When she sent it off it kinda just flashed away instead of her burning it... Huh.. I guess everyone does it differently?

Everyone finished their food quickly, because most of us didn't get too much in the first place because of eating at that lame party.

Applejack cleared her throat before standing up and stretching.

"Well ah think I should start headin out... Gotta wake up early in the mornin... And work will be a might harder without Big Mac around.." Applejack said with a sigh. A few moments later Rarity stood up and stretched too.

"Well it is getting quite late and I have many orders to fill tomorrow, I also must get my beauty sleep..." She said. Spike suddenly looked up from his cake He was giving Rarity this weird look... What's his deal?

"I have a bunch of parties to make, sweets to bake and frowns to break!" Pinkie said cheerfully as she started to hop around the room. This bitch doesn't walk like the rest of them... She hops around like a fucking rabbit... Something is definitely OFF about Pinkie...

"I really must get home.. Angel must be starving without me..." Fluttershy said in a barley audible tone. My god this Pony should take lessons from Luna... She's so quiet... Which is funny because Luna is so loud... Maybe they can learn from each other...

"Eh... I'm bored...this lack of awesome is making me sleepy... I'll see you ponies around..." She said with a casual shrug.

After that they all stood up, then they started...nuzzling... It was really awkward, is that like hugging for them? Seems way too personal for my taste. Thankfully, nobody here was tall enough to nuzzle me besides Mac and Luna, and I knew there was no way in HELL Mac would nuzzle me, and Luna... Well there isn't much I could do to stop her but I'm pretty sure she's too into Mac anyways.

And with that they wished Mac and I Good luck and then they disappeared out door, leaving Me, Luna, Mac, Twilight and Spike sitting awkwardly.

"We believe the Royal carriage should arrive soon so just Relax..." Luna suggested as she layed back on the coach. Her and Twilight started talking about something while Mac and I just sat a few feet away silently. Spike walked over to us and sat. We kind of just ignored him for the most part until he started whispering something.

"So Big Mac... What DID happen last Season?" Spike asked curiously, making sure the girls couldn't hear.

"Ah said later!" He whispered sternly.

" Besides... You're too young to know anyhow!" He added.

"Aw come on! I know what happens during mating season... I'm not stupid..." Spike said with a roll of his eyes.

"But..you're a baby! How the hell do you know that?" I questioned.

"I live in a library... You really think that I wouldn't get curious one day and read about it?" Spike said, folding his arms.

"Besides..." He said, a confident smile crossed his face.

"Everypony calls me a baby, but really I'm more of a teenager!" spike said pointing a proud claw to himself.

"But... You're tiny..." I said with confusion.

"It's true! I just know I'm getting a growth spurt soon!" Spike said as he looked to Mac hopefully.

"Ah still AIN'T gonna tell you Spike..." Mac said as he folded his forehoofs.

"Come on Big Mac! Did she get you in your dreams?" Spike asked curiously as he pleaded for some kind of answer.

Mac held his hoofs together nervously as he answered.

"Sorta..." He said with a nervous Smile.

"Wait what the hell do you mean by _she got you in you're dreams _? " I asked, confused.

" Princess Luna has the ability to enter other ponies dreams..." Spike explained.

I just starred at him with a deadpan expression looking between the two of them in disbelief.

"Really?"

"Eyyup!"

I just kept staring with a blank face, not buying any of this shit.

" Go home Mac you're drunk... "I said with a roll of my eyes.

" Huh?"

"Never mind...", he probably won't get that joke...

A few silent minutes passed, well for us anyway, Twilight and Luna were still happily talking away. Mac started to fall asleep and i almost dozed off too before a pony knocked on the door. Probably the carriage...

Twilight happily answered, sure enough this male Pegasus pony wearing armor was at the door. This was the only other male pony I've seen so far...up close... I saw a handful In ponyville. To be honest this guy isn't that big... Maybe pegasi are just smaller than regular ponies... Or maybe Mac is just making him seem small. Something was different about him though... He looked like a...bat? Or a vampire? Or both maybe? I guess that's just how the guards Dress here? If its supposed to intimidate people than it sure didn't work...

"Greetings Princess Luna.." The pony that looked like the leader said as he and the other 3 guards bowed respectfully.

"Greetings Black dusk... We trust thee have had a fine night thus far?" Luna said as she acknowledged the guards with a friendly nod. Black dusk? Seriously? the names here...

"Indeed I have Princess..." He replayed plainly, his face showing barely any emotion whatsoever, I think he takes his job too seriously...

Luna cleared her throat and turned back to the rest of us.

"Is everypony ready to depart?" She asked.

"I'm ready!"

"Eyyup!"

"Sure whatever..." I said with a shrug that made Black dusk raise his brow slightly. I guess the guy isn't used to anyone talking to Princess Luna like that.

A moment later we all walked out the door, "See ya spike! I'll be back soon!" Twilight said with a wave, he waved back and shut the door behind us.

The guards led us to what looked like a long, sleek, night themed carriage with a large green eye on the front... These ponies have design issues... Why the hell is there a big eye instead of something more relevant to Luna like oh I don't know...**THE MOON!**

The guards attached cables to themselves and got into formation while everyone got into the carriage. Mac and I sat first, we each sat on the far ends of the comfy seat. Twilight then sat next to me while Luna sat in between Twilight and Mac. Mac started to fidget nervously while Luna signaled the guards to take off.

I noticed Mac looked really stressed out, and it doesn't look like Luna is the cause...

"What's your problem Mac?" I asked worriedly.

"Ah...ah kinda...hate flyin..." He said with a nervous gulp.

"Ha! Flying is fine! Come on don't be a wuss..." I said with a laugh. It was kind weird... I was really afraid of heights but I never had problems flying back home.

Luna suddenly grabbed Mac into another crushing embrace.

"Tis alright that thou art afraid... We shall comfort thee.." Luna said with a giggle as the poor red stallion struggled for air. Jesus girl let a guy breath! She eventually loosened her grip and just settled with nuzzling Mac affectionately while he sat with a sheepish and I just looked at each other with deadpan expressions.

I looked over to the guards and they were all watching the scene and snickering behind thier hoofs except Black dusk who gave them all a stern look, making them nervously snap forward.

They all started to run and the carriage lurched forward slowly. We began to pick up speed, and eventually the Pegasi opened their wings and we were in the air, accelerating quite fast through the night sky.

The wind was blowing through my face and I looked below to see the tiny dot that was now ponyville. Honestly I was getting kinda nervous now... This is kind of... Different...

"I thought you said flying was fine..." Twilight said with a smug grin.

"I know but this is way different compared to human air transportation.." I said with a cringe as I felt a pit in my stomach.

"How so?" Twilight asked curiously.

"Well for starters they are completely closed off and airtight, So no wind blowing in your face and no chilly night air. Also you can't see as much on a human plane, they just have tiny little windows." I said sheepishly.

"Hmph... Whatever you say..." Twilight said as she turned away from me. I got that drunk feeling again and I suddenly had the urge to yell strange things.

"Yeah! I'm Santa motherfuckers!" I yelled suddenly, making everyone stare at me wide eyed in confusion, even the guards turned back to my little outburst. I'm guessing they also have no clue who Santa is either so they wouldn't get the reindeer pulling a slay thing.

The guards slowly turned their heads back with worried expressions. Then it seemed like it was Mac's turn To do some stupid shit, because He was slowly scooting away from Luna to the edge of the carriage. Unfortunately he somehow managed to forget where we were and he fell right off the edge... Yeah...good thing Luna has magic...

The guards were now looking back, even more concerned this time. Twilight noticed their troubled gazes and spoke up.

"Heh...You know how it is... with Golden Bud Cider!" She said dismissing them with a hoof. Their mouths were small "o's", as understanding suddenly dawned on them and they turned back, well I guess this Golden Bud stuff is a common problem. I'm pretty sure beer NEVER worked like that back home, so I can barley imagine the other crazy ass food and drinks they have in equestria.

After a few minutes, I started to doze off, but Twilight suddenly jerked me awake. I put my head up with an annoyed sigh.

"What is it?"

"That's Canterlot down there!" Twilight said as she pointed to a nearby mountain. My jaw dropped, this place was...amazing! It was a fancy white marble and Gold city with a large castle on the far edge built on the side of a big ass mountain. My amazement turned to anger when I realized the whole thing was held up by only 1 support. I deadpanned and folded my arms. Luna raised a brow at my reaction.

"Do you not Like my sister's fair city? She has worked very hard on keeping it the way thee see it now..." Luna asked.

"No its great and stuff but...wait I thought you rule the place too?" I said as I narrowed my eyes.

"We do but I was not around for the citie's initial construction... We had...er family issues at the time..." Luna said with a nervous smile. Normally I would have gone further but I was too drunk to care anymore, so I just nodded and sat back in my seat.

...

"DJ wake up!" Twilight said as I jerked awake again. I turned to see everyone staring at me, except Mac who was just waking up too. It was then that I realized I was leaning on Twilight and I quickly got up, It was odd that I somehow wasn't crushing her.

"Er...my bad..." I said quickly with a nervous smile.

"Oh don't worry about it..." Twilight said with a blush, ugh... not her too! I can't be that good looking to them...

I looked around and we seemed to be in a landing area behind the castle, it had a few other carriages, a place that looked like a repair garage, and some more bat pony guards.

"My sister should be waiting in the throne room, however it is quite late so you're meeting will be quite brief." Luna said as we followed her through a few guarded doors, I was too drunk and tired to care about anything else at that moment so I just blindly followed her, it seemed Mac was in a similar boat because he was moping around next to me. We passed through a gigantic set of doors, then I looked over to Mac

"You hanging in there Mac?" I asked worriedly, the golden bud seemed to be hitting him hard.

"Hagin in there... Ah think..." He said with a nervous laugh.

"Yeah i hope we don't have to deal with this shit for too long..." I said with a sigh.

"Ah agree partner, its mighty annoying how it fades in and out..." He said, nodding.

"Let's hope the Golden Bud doesn't make me look like a jackass in front of Princess Celestia... " I said as I rubbed my forehead.

"Ahem.." Someone far in front of us cleared their throat. Mac and I looked around, apprantly we were already in the throne room. So my eyes trailed from the red carpet to a large throne chair, to a...horse?

A large white pony wearing golden...slippers? With wings and a long mane that flowed somehow like Luna's, except it was a lot longer and it was multicolored, thankfully the colors weren't ridiculous like Rainbow Dash's mane.. I think i would throw up rainbows. She was tall and slender and she had on a chest plate, necklace...thingie? It was similar to Luna's except it was a lot fancier and it had a purple jewel in the center, and atop her head was a golden crown, oh...that's Princess Celestia...danm...just...danm...I have to admit... She is one majestic looking motherfucker... Whoa... Where did that come from?

"Ah... Hello friends!" She said as she walked up to us, I quickly noticed 2 things about Celestia. #1, she is tall as FUCK, she is literally a head above me... Not even including the horn and crown and all that...which brings me to #2... That horn... Is really...REALLY long! It looked like it was around the same length as my forarm, or maybe even my whole arm! it was pretty hard to tell at the time because of the golden bud...

I kind of dwelled on the horn thing a bit to long. Thankfully, Celestia was greeting the other ponies standing next to me first.

"Tia! Tis great to see thee! How art thou?" Luna said cheerfully as they Nuzzled, jeez...ponies are really touchy feely...

"Oh I've been better... I am just a little drowsy is all!" Celestia replyed with a soft voice and a kind smile. She then moved onto Twilight, lowering her head slightly.

"Hello my faithful student! Have you had a good day?" She said with a kind smile.

"Oh yes! I didn't write a letter about it because I was coming here and it would be easier to just...you know... tell you about in person...if that's OK..." Twilight said with a nervous laugh as she Nuzzled Celestia.

"Oh it's quite alright! I would love to hear about you're day, perhaps in the morning..." She said with a giggle. Then she moved onto Mac who was looking at Celestia with narrowed eyes Ever since we got here. When she looked at him she snickered slightly.

"Hello Big Macintosh! How's the foreleg?" She asked making him narrow his eyes even more.

"Its fine..." He said as he rubbed his right foreleg with his hoof.

"Still holding a grudge are we?" Celestia asked, as she snickered again, a sly grin across her face.

"No..." Mac said sarcastically.

"Oh...well it happened so long ago... I didn't think you'd still be upset about it..." She said, looking up innocently.

"Ah know ah know..." He said with a weak smile. He then leaned in close and started whispering.

"We need to talk you're highness..." He whispered quietly.

"About?" Celestia said with a suspicious look.

"About HER..." Mac said as he gestured toward Luna, who was none the wiser.

"What do you...oh I see..." Celestia said as she realized. And smiled at her sister who just waved. She then nodded toward Mac and raised her head, then she walked in front of me... Oh shit...

"Greetings! I am Princess Celestia Ruler of Equestria! What was you're name?" She asked kindly. Unfortunately for me my brain decided at that moment to bring up a scene from a movie called the cabin in the woods, where a Unicorn brutally kills a guy by stabbing him in the chest with it's horn...yeah that helps with my fear of pointy things... It also didn't help that her height and importance was scaring me either.

"Uh..." Was all I could manage making her raise her brow.

"His name is Derrick..." Twilight said for me as I stood there nervously.

"Derrick? That's an interesting name..." Celestia said as she kept staring down at me. I could feel the drunkness coming and my fear disappearing as I talked again.

"You're really tall..." I said bluntly, Celestia just sat there blankly.

"Yes...I am..." She said after a moment, she tilted her head slightly in confusion.

"And...you're horn is...long..." I said as I stared at it.

Celestia deadpanned and leaned forward.

"Yes that's an interesting observation...but I"

"Is it a bone or something?" I interrupt.

"What?" The Princess asked, looking confused and annoyed.

"You're horn... Is it a bone?" I asked again as I examined it closely. Before Celestia could respond, I did something that in another situation I would never even think to do. I reached out and touched the tip of Celestia's horn.

I felt a slight tingle as Celestia's eyes widened and her cheeks turned as red as a tomatoes, her wings slowly stretched out until they became stiff. Mac was cringing, Twilight's jaw was on the floor and the look on Luna's face could have killed Chuck Norris.

What? I said innocently as Luna slowly stomped over to us, Twilight and Mac quickly moved out of her way.

"Unhoof Her...NOW!" She boomed at me and I quickly removed my hand, making Celestia's wings fall, she slowly regained her composure, but her nervous expression stayed the same.

"What's the Big deal?" I asked honestly as Luna stepped closer, each step made the pit in my stomach deeper.

"HOW DARE YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY SISTER HUMAN?" Luna screamed in my face, her eyes glowed white as she powered up, making me tremble in fear, seriously I just might shit myself.

Suddenly some guards rushed into the room.

"Is everything alright you're Highness?!" The lead guard asked, it was Black dusk again, I guess he's like Luna's Right hand..er right hoof man..er..right hoof pony.

"NAY! SEIZE THIS HUMAN! HAVE HIM EXECUTED!" Luna boomed as she stomped her hoof loudly, welp shit just got real.

"Uh oh..." I muttered as I came out of my drunken daze, the guards rushed up to me and surrounded me, I just stepped back slowly with my hands up. They were about to tackle me whenever Celestia spoke up.

"STOP! That will not be necessary!" Celestia said sternly making the guards stop in their tracks.

"I'm sure Derrick was not aware how sensitive and personal a ponies Horn is. I also must remind you that he is still under the effects of Golden Bud Cider, which effects his Judgment and decision making..." She said calmly.

Luna sighed angrily and calmed down slightly, making her eyes return to normal.

"Fine...return to thy duties Black dusk..." She said quietly.

"Of course Princess..." He replied obediently, as they backed off and swiftly left the room, leaving it completely silent.

I quickly let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, making Luna glare at me again angrily, this time I tried to ignore her.

"What the hell is the big deal? All I did was poke her horn!" I muttered in frustration. At first nobody said anything, so I just scoffed and turned away from them all.

"Great...here in equestria you get excuted with out knowing what the fuck you did wrong..." I said aloud to Myself. Twilight cringed and cleared her throat and I turned back.

"Well... A unicorn's horn is very...sensitive to touch...it is the center of our magic after all... Touching one is considered taboo unless you're an intimate couple... " she said awkwardly. Wow... I managed to violate her... Within 30 seconds of meeting... Danm... I'm really bad at introductions.

"God Danm it..." I muttered to myself as I facepalmed. Twilight started to talk about the specifics on how contact with a ponies horn could..."arouse" a pony and what not, but I stopped listening because I noticed something.

The finger that I used to touch her horn went numb... Like completely. My hand was also shaking uncontrollably, what the hell?

Then I started to feel woozy, significantly more than before. The numbness, and shaking started on my other arm and I felt it spreading up them slowly. I stumbled backward a step in confusion, making Twilight stop her awkward rant that nobody listened to short.

"DJ are you...feeling OK?" She asked worriedly as she took a step towards me. Everyone was deep in their own thoughts so they all looked over after she said that, unfortunately I could barely even stand at that point.

The shaking spread to my entire body and the numbness overwhelmed both arms, my head now pulsed in pain, and I felt something in my nose...it was...**blood?** I started to breath heavily as I feel to one knee, Mac, Celestia, Twilight and even Luna quickly rushed over, what the hell happened to me? All they're eyes widened even more when they saw my nosebleed.

I slowly lost my bearings and fell forward, I heard voices calling my name before I was knocked out.

...

"Derrick! Wake up!" I heard someone scream, I suddenly jerked awake.

I slowly pushed myself upward only to realize that my forehead ached really badly.

"Thanks for catching me assholes..." I muttered angrily as I dusted myself off. I looked around and I was getting an assortment of looks, Celestia stared at me with a worried expression and she looked a bit flushed. Luna still looked somewhat angry but she couldn't hide her concern. Twilight looked speechless, she sat there completely emotionless. And Mac just cringed as he looked at me, they were all staring silently.

I then remembered the pain and numbness I felt before I passed out, and realized it was gone... well mostly. My hands still felt...tingly. The ponies blank stares started to annoy me.

"What?" I asked as I folded my arms.

"Your eyes..." Twilight said quietly.

"What? What's wrong with my eyes?" I asked worriedly.

"They're glowing..." Celestia said with a cringe.

"What the fuck do you mean?" I asked as I looked suspicious, Celestia motioned to a nearby mirror and I walked over to it.

I haven't looked in a mirror sense I got to this place, I noticed that a few things were different, all blimishes, freckles and and other skin imperfections, were now completely gone. I mean... I barley had that in the first place but still, my skin was completely clear and smooth now. Unfortunately, The main thing I noticed about myself, was the fact that my eyes were glowing a brilliant golden color.

When I saw this I jumped away as my golden eyes widened in horror. I gasped as I stumbled back and fell on my ass, staring at myself in horror.

"Oh...my...god..."

We all sat quietly as I took in my appearance. I stood up again, still staring at myself and clenched my fists.

"Is...is this a side effect of Golden bud?" I asked shakingly.

"No...this looks more like..." Celestia started, but trailed off.

"What? It looks like what?" I yelled as I turned and walked up to her angrily, she stood there silently with a worried stare.

"Magic..." Twilight cut in and we turned to her. "It looks like Princess Celestia's to be precise..." She added with a calm and serious tone.

" Wait how do you know it's even hers?" I ask.

"Well Princess Celestia's magical Aura is golden...just like yours.." She said as she pointed to me.

"Don't be ridiculous.." I said as I looked down and froze. Much like my eyes, my hands had a strange golden energy flowing from them... They glowed like unicorn horns did when they use thier magi... Oh fuck...

I waved my hands around and watched the energy flow from them, this was unreal!

However, despite all the evidence before me I was still in denial about this.

"Come on its not like I can shoot lasers now or somth..." I was interrupted by a large beam that shot out of my right hand, Luna quickly stopped it with her magic before it hit anything.

"Derrick! Thou should not be so reckless!" Luna said angrily. I turned to her and narrowed my eyes.

" How the fuck was I supposed to know that I could shoot lasers with these magical bullshit powers that almost killed me less than a minute ago!" I snapped at her.

"Thou art lucky we didn't slay thee for Laying a hoof on ROALTY!" She shot back as she stepped closer.

"I'm sorry for touching her and all but I wasn't even thinking properly at the moment because ya know... Equestria's crazy beer! I yelled as I took a step forward.

" Thou will NOT speak to ROYALTY In this manner!" Luna said sternly, taking another step.

"You can take your royalty and shove it up your ass!" I said defiantly. After that I heard something audibly snap as Luna's eye twitched.

"That's it..."

Luna growled angrily and charged at me, but before she got to me a wall of gold appeared in between us.

"ENOUGH!" Celestia yelled with a stomp of her hoof, louder then I've ever heard Luna yell.

Both Luna and I froze in our tracks as the golden wall faded away. Celestia walked up to us with an angry look of disappointment.

"Cease this useless banter! It's not going to get anypony anywhere! You can not change the events that have transpired already, so just calm your self's and accept it!" Celestia said as she scolded both of us. Luna lowered her head in shame, and I just scoffed and looked away, she may be right but right now I'm still struggling with the fact that I now have magical powers, I mean what's next? Am i going to morph into a fucking pony?(no)

Behind us Twilight and Mac let out breaths that they were holding as they wiped sweat from their foreheads.

Eventually Celestia sighed and her eyes softened.

"Look...it has been a long and stressful day for everypony... Let's all get some rest and sort this out tomorrow..." Celestia said as she glanced at all of our tired faces. Princess Celestia looked tired, Twilight and Mac were tired, hell I was tired too...after my body stopped pumping gallons of adrenaline into my veins whenever Luna was about to rip my head from my shoulders. Everyone was tired... Except for Luna... It might just be the excitement of the moment but she looked like she could stay up all night, What's up with that?

Celestia walked over to her sister who stood with a sorrowful expression.

"Goodnight Lulu... I hope the rest of the night will be good for you... And don't worry about me, I'm fine..." Celestia said kindly to calm Luna who just sighed.

"Come my ponies... I will show you where you will be sleeping tonight..." She said as she started to walk away with Mac and Twilight following close behind. Luna looked like she was about to say something to me before being inturrpted.

"You too Derrick..." Celestia called out. I just gave Luna a quick wave before jogging to catch up with Celestia and the others, she just watched me go with a sad troubled expression, as Celestia used her magic to Open the Two big ass doors.

As we passed the doors I saw the 4 guards from earlier waiting outside eagerly. Three of them immediately rushed inside while the last one, Black dusk glared daggers at me before running inside, bitch I'm not scared of you...

We passed a few more guards, some more doors and some other stuff that my drunk mind didn't pick up on before we arrived on the guest hall. it reminded me of a hotel hallway, except it wasn't super cramped and narrow. Funny thing about hotel hallways... You always seem to run faster in them...

"Wait here Derrick..." Celestia said as she and the ponies walked toward the various doors, and I just sat with my hands in my pockets and watched.

After Celestia showed them to their rooms Twilight and Mac waved to me and I waved back before they each disappeared into a separate guest room. then Celestia walked back toward me.

"Come Derrick... You will be staying in a different room..." She said calmly as I followed her sheepishly. What did she mean? Was she actually mad about this and this "different room" was actually the dungeon? Or is it some EXTRA fancy room that's for VIPs? Or maybe even...her room? No no no... I'm pretty sure she's not that fast...wait the hell am I thinking?

We walked in silence for a while, I made sure to keep next to her so we could stay in each others vision so she knew I wasn't going to try anything. Eventually I sighed and stopped walking, the Princess turned quickly looking puzzled.

"Derrick?" She said as she raised her brow.

I just looked down and fiddled with my still glowing hands.

"Look...I'm sorry that I...touched your horn Princess... I don't know what possessed me to do that but it was a stupid decision..." I said as I looked back up to her with a weak smile, she opened her mouth to speak but I countiued.

"So I completely understand if you throw me in the dungeon to rot for eternity..." I finished as I looked back up. Celestia had a kind motherly smile on her face, she sighed and walked up to me, she saw me craning my neck to look up so she lowered her head, then she put her hoof on my shoulder.

"Don't worry I'm not mad at you Derrick... And I won't be throwing you into the dungeon" she said with a giggle.

"However I wouldn't be surprised if my sister tries to..." She added, making me shudder.

"So where are we going then?" I asked, feeling somewhat relieved that I wasn't going to rot in jail.

"To my private quarters..." She said, my eyes widened and I stepped back slightly. Celestia saw my reaction and just laughed.

"You will be staying in Twilight sparkles old room, its right next to mine..." She corrected with a grin.

"Oh.." I said simply, stepping forward again.

"You seem to have quite the dirty mind Derrick..." She added with a confident grin, Making me deadpan.

"Hey its not my fault mares have been giving me... Naughty looks ever sense I got here..." I said flatly.

Celestia got a mischievous look.

"I can see why they would..." She said in a seductive voice making me jump.

"I'm just kidding!" She said as she laughed at my reaction.

I just deadpanned again and waited for her to stop.

"Are you done?"

Celestia just nodded and cleared her throat.

"What do you think of Twilight and her friends?" She asked curiously as she waited for my response. Oh boy...I'm not holding back on this one!

"What do I think of them? Hmmm let's see here... I thought Twilight was alright at first but then she got really creepy and annoying when we started talking about magic or science.. She even gets this weird face when we do..." I said with annoyance.

"Hmm...she does do that a lot.." Celestia said with a nod, cringing slightly.

She leaned in and whispered to me.

"Honestly I think she needs to get out more... Maybe even find a nice young stallion..." She said and I nodded slowly, suppressing my laughter.

"Please don't tell her I said that..." She added quickly. I nodded and continued.

Then there is Spike... I met him first so he had me thinking equestria was full of talking lizards..." I said, shaking my head. Celestia just giggled as I countiued.

"He's OK I guess... I don't think he likes me very much for some reason but that's irrelevant... I still have a hard time believing that pipsqueak is actually a dragon..." I said with a scoff.

"He is indeed a dragon... Just give him time. He may one day surpass us both in height..." Celestia said with a grin.

"Then there is Applejack... Her and her big brother are actually alright I guess, I could consider them friends... Especially Mac..." I said with a shrug.

"Good! Its always nice to make new friends..." Celestia said with a nod.

At this point I was just ranting.

"Then there is Rarity...oh god... She's insane! She made fun of my clothes and tried to force her's onto me! Then when she apologized she flirted with me and creeped the fuck out of me!" I said with a shudder.

"That seems like something she would do..." Celestia said as she cringed again.

"Then there is Rainbow dash... Besides her annoying colossal ego, she OK... But she just pisses me off because of the impossible things she does! How the fuck does she fly with those tiny ass wings! How can she even touch clouds and bust them like they were solid objects? Fucking physics breaking magic!" I said as I folded my arms.

"She does brag about her weather control... A lot... But you have to give her credit... I'm pretty sure she could beat me in a race.." Celestia said as she smiled sheepishly.

"Then there is Pinkie Pie and...I just don't understand her...like at all...how does she even...I don't even know... She threw me that dumbass party that caused the golden bud incident! But...I can say she makes the best cake I've ever tasted!" I said with a shrug.

"To be honest.. fully understands her... She's just Pinkie pie!" Celestia said with a nervous shrug.

"Although... She DOES make some of the best cake in equestria..." Celestia said with a nod, and a silly smile.

"Then there is Fluttershy... The only annoying thing with her is how silent and scared of things she is, I don't know anything about her besides that." I said as I rolled my eyes.

" I don't know much about her either... " Celestia admitted.

"Then there is your sister..." I said as I folded my arms again. Celestia had this look that said "oh here we go..."

"She speaks in this weird old English or something, she's REALLY loud, her wings actually make sense unlike Rainbow dash... She is super bipolar, I mean before that little incident we were on good terms, She seems to have a thing for Mac aswell..." I said as I rubbed my Chin.

"I think they look cute together!" Celestia said with a warm smile.

"You see a cute couple, I see a horrible case of pain suffering and torture..." I said bluntly making Celestia laugh.

"She can be quite rough at times... Alicorns are incredibly strong after all..." Celestia said as she Flexed her forehoof, it seems the fur covers most of the muscle because her and Luna don't look as buff as Big Mac... Maybe it had something to do with magic though... I wouldn't be surprised.

"Yeah... I learned that the hard way..." I said as I rubbed my face. Celestia looked at me curiously, before she sighed in annoyance, covered her face and shook her head.

"What did you do..."

"I told her that her cutie mark looked like an ink stain..." I said carefully. When I looked up Celestia was struggling to hold in a laugh. I just deadpanned and tried to change the subject.

"Anyways... about Mac... He seemed angry with you about something? " I said as I put my hands on my hips. Celestia just smiled smugly.

"Oh I just beat him in hoof wrestling at last year's ponyville fair..." She said with a smug grin.

"How bad?" I asked curiously, if Luna can drag him around like a ragdoll I can only imagine what Celestia can do. She had a nervous smile as she tapped her forehoofs together.

"Well I kind of... broke his foreleg...accidentally..." She said nervously. I just looked at her with a deadpan expression.

"Did he cry?"

"A little..."

"What did Luna say?"

"We didn't tell her... I don't think she would ever forgive me..."

"Was it worth it?"

"Yes"

"You should be ashamed of yourself..." I said as I shook my head in disappointment.

"He was so asking for it..." She said in her defense.

I kinda just stared blankly at her, then we both busted out laughing. I could only imagine his face after he lost! Well I guess it would be filled with pain and suffering... But it was still probably priceless!

Eventually we stopped laughing and I continued with my rant.

"Well the thing that bothers me about Luna the most, besides her almost having me executed, was the fact that she could move the fucking moon at will..." I said with deep disdain.

"Really?" Celestia said with a hint of sarcasm.

"Yeah she actually has the power...to fuck with the celestial bodies!" I said with a shake of my head.

"She has the powers to do WHAT to my body?" Celestia said, blushing and looking horrified.

"That's not what I ment... Humans call the moon, the sun, the stars and any other planets out there the celestial bodies!" I explained quickly.

"Oh..." Celestia said, her usual calm composure returning.

I then sighed and stared down at the floor.

"The thing that bothers me the most about this place is all these bullshit magical powers everyone has..." I said sadly.

"What's wrong with magic?" Celestia asked innocently.

"You don't understand... All the magic crap, Pegasi, Unicorns, even pegacorns..."

"Alicorns..." Celestia corrected.

"Whatever... Where I come from its all just a fiction, a dumb legend! some humans try to trick others into thinking they can really use magic, but its always just a lame trick or illusion." I said shaking my head.

" And now... There is living proof in front of me that it is real..." I said as I pointed to her. She just nodded and touched my shoulder again.

"I'm sorry that you feel this way Derrick... It must be hard for you being in a mysterious place alone..." She said with a look of understanding, I just sat there with my head down.

"I feel that maybe if you just give Twilight and her friends another chance...if you give equestria another chance, you won't feel as bad. Friendship can make a lot of things easier... Including you're time here in equestria..." She said as she removed her hoof and rubbed her chin in thought.

"Tell you what..." She said, as I raised my head curiously.

"Tomorrow after your procedure, what do you say about me showing you around canterlot? We could have lunch a nice lunch together, and perhaps forget about this incident." She said kindly.

"Oh sure...taking me to see more magical ponies will definitely make me feel better about... Seeing magical ponies..." I said sarcastically, a deadpan expression.

"Perhaps not... But it will at least get you used to seeing them because until we figure out how you got here... You may be here for a while." Celestia admitted with a nervous smile, making be groan.

"You might even make some new friends..." She added with a look I couldn't read.

"Also I fear for your health and safety... The magic I gave you almost killed you after all. So for the time being I will be keeping a close eye on you..." She said making me groan again.

"So that's the reason why I'm sleeping in the room next to yours..." I realized as I facepalmed.

"Indeed it is... Besides my sister and maybe Twilight sparkle, I have some of the most potent and powerful magic in Equestria... And it looks to me like our...contact... May have given some of it to you..." Celestia explained. I just stared at my glowing hands.

"Is it temporary?" I asked.

"This has never happened before... So I wouldn't know..." Celestia said with an honest shrug.

"Do you THINK its temporary?" I asked, just wanting a guess from her at this point.

"No..." Celestia said, making me sigh in defeat.

"Um...so... How do I turn it off like yours?" I asked as I snapped my fingers in an attempt to make it go away.

"You just have to relax Derrick... Magic is primarily controlled by thought, so if you focus on it too much it won't turn off..." Celestia said plainly. I tried to concentrate on other things but I couldn't... I mean my fucking hands were glowing gold! Celestia sighed in annoyance as she watched me attempting to suppress my magic.

"It's not working..." I muttered in frustration as I sighed in defeat.

Then Celestia leaned forward and **Nuzzled** me, what the actual fuck?

"I...you...what? You can't just..." I stammered as I sat there flushed and confused, Celestia just giggled at my reaction, and a second later the glow from my hands disappeared.

"See? Just relax..." Celestia said with a confident smile, I just backed up in confusion.

"Anyway you still haven't answered my question Derrick.." Celestia said, looking somewhat impatient.

"Yeah... We can hang out after my treatment or whatever..." I said with a simple wave of my hand.

"Wonderful! It's a date then!" She said cheerfully as she turned again.

"What?" I blurted. "You...me what? How the...huh? We just met..." I stammered again in confusion. When I looked up Celestia was staring at me with a deadpan expression.

"Are you done?" She asked.

"Yes?" I said with uncertainty.

"Good...I was joking about the date, it's just a quick tour of the city along with a nice friendly lunch...nothing more..." Celestia explained calmly, few you had me worried there...

"Oh.." I said simply.

"Now come on...the Princess needs her beauty sleep!" She called out to me and I quickly followed. We went up a flight of stairs before we got to what I assumed was Twilight's old room. There were a few guards around but they seemed uninterested.

"This is the room..." Celestia said as she gestured to it and she opened the door with her magic. It was pretty dark in here besides the light coming from the window. As we walked in Celestia zapped a few candles and they sparked to life. There were a lot of book shelf's around aswell as a large amount of scrolls and quills... Yep definitely Twilight's room.

There was a comfy looking bed in the corner and I immediately sprinted and jumped onto it with a loud plop. I looked back to Celestia who looked somewhat disturbed.

"OK..." She said backing up slightly. She then regained her composure and smiled.

"Well goodnight Derrick... Sleep well! See you tomorrow!" She said with a kind smile, I returned it with a wave.

"Good night, Princess..." I said casually as I watched her leave. I got a good look at her cutie mark as she walked out, it was a sun. Heh sunbutt... I'm definitely going to call her that if she ever makes me mad.

I relaxed and sat back in the bed and thought about my first day here. It could have been worse I suppose... I could be locked in a dungeon, accidentally killed, or worse... Forced into interspecies mating, good thing that's not for a few weeks though...

Then of course there is this magic bullshit... It's probably still going to be there when I wake up... Despite my deep disdain for the shit I'm actually kind of excited about using it... I wonder what cool stuff I can do now! And of course I got it from the best, the most Potent and powerful around! So the possibilities could be endless.

I'm actually kinda looking forward to tomorrow, I have magic to experiment with, I'll finally be rid of this golden bud crap and I have a date with Princess Celestia... Uh I mean...were going to hang out and eat lunch... Celestia seems like the chill type but I still feel like everything that can go wrong will go wrong tommorw.

My dirty mind and my drunken mind collaborated to bring an interesting observation to my attention. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have nice plots... Whoa... OK... I'm just going to pretend I didn't just think that... Then again... They are kinda cute...Celestia even does that thing where she covers one eye with her hair, I always liked it when girls did that...holy shit! What am I thinking! They're fucking ponies! Touching Princess Celestia's horn may have done more to me then just give me magic...

After that VERY

disturbing thought I finally drifted off to sleep...

Notes: well that meeting went well... Barley... So that concludes Derrick's first day in equestria... And so far he kinda hates it... Let's just hope that Celestia can show our pal a good time! Anyways Act 1 ends whenever I get everything established so that means 2-3 more chapters.

Unfortunately. For me I am doing 2 stories with the same characters simultaneously so if any of you out there read BOTH my stories then they could get abit dull. So I'm going to try to make character different. Across both stories.

I originally planned to save meeting Celestia for the next chapter but that would mean I would have had to have 7000+ words of them sitting at twilight's and flying to canterlot, which I thought was unnecessary. So that's why this chapter is so long.

Please leave me you're reviews! Its all the input/reward I get, besides watching bar graphs raise slowly!


	5. Act 1 part 5

Act 1 part 5: impossible magics!

I woke up pretty easily, having slept peacefully throughout the entire night completely undisturbed. I sat up in bed and stretched, hmm... that's weird... The ceiling looks a lot lower than usual. I noticed the sun wasn't up yet for whatever reason as well... I guess I got up early... I also noticed my hands were glowing again, danm... the magic didn't go away... Well I guess im kinda glad I still have it because now I get to screw around with it today! Sigh... Guess I should get up... Hey wait... is my bed glowing? Na just golden bud fucking with my head...

I processed to lazily roll off the side of the bed, expecting to fall a foot to the floor. So you can imagine I was surprised when I turned and saw the floor 15 feet away from me...and...Fuck my life...

I slammed into the floor face first with a loud bump, a painful grunt, and a few creative curses. I eventually rolled over onto my side to see Princess Celestia poking her head into the room looking worried.

"A..are you OK?"

"Yeah...I just fell 15 fucking feet face first...I feel amazing!" I muttered, the sarcasm practically palpable.

"You don't look that hurt to me..." Celestia said with a giggle.

Wait a second... She's right! That fall should have broken something... But instead I was slightly bruised... I can definitely conclude now that physics here simply aren't as harsh as back home, and something about this place just naturally reinvigorates my body... I feel stronger, I can run faster, take more damage and my skin cleared up! Not entirely sure if that's a positive but I'm gonna roll with it.

"Yeah something about this place has made me stronger... I should have broken bones right now..." I said with a shrug.

"Perhaps the magic has strengthened your body?" Celestia said.

I looked to my hands with a frown, the bed was still floating in the air, I must of somehow did this in my sleep.

"Yup...accidental levitation while you're sleeping... Oh the joys of having magic...who knew?" I said sarcastically as I lowered the bed to the ground softly, making Celestia giggle. As she did I got a wiff of my pits and boy did I sweat last night!

"Hey is there a place I can wash up?" I asked, I felt kind of filthy right now, guess that's what happens when you wear a warm hoodie to sleep.

"There's a bathroom right there Derrick..." Celestia said with a deadpan expression, as she gestured to the far wall. What? How silly of me to not notice the fancy door with the big ass sign that says "Bathroom"... OK that actually was a silly of me... shut up.

I quickly stood up with a nervous smile.

" Uh yeah... Too busy...falling and being drunk... You know how it is.." I said in an attempt to explain my stupidity.

Celestia just shook her head with a chuckle.

"There is a fresh Toothbrush, Washcloth and Towel waiting for you inside already. Just knock on my door when you're finished.." Celestia said as she closed the door and left.

"Mkay..." I said simply as I went into the bathroom. Not much to report here... It was pretty much like a regular human bathroom except the lightbulbs weren't as fancy... Wait lightbulbs? I guess some places have those weird magic candles and some just have electricity... Twilight said they use those weird magic orbs instead of batteries... Uh it doesn't matter too much, I don't really Care as long as the place was lit.

I looked at myself in the fancy mirror and thought, let's see what hygiene products do they have? I don't see a razor, or a nail clipper here, so I guess that'll be fun to deal with in a few days...and I don't see any deodorant either...sigh...

I angrily flipped my bag over my shoulder and stuffed my hand into it, let's hope I brought some deodorant, i tend to carry it around just incase, and I did! I had a stick of Axe deodorant (I don't fuck with the spray...that's for scrubs who want cold armpits and wet clothes!). Thankfully these ponies had showers...so at least that will save some time...

Then again, how long will Celestia wait for me anyway? She must be busy because she rules the place and all, and I do want to get this procedure over with ASAP. So I decided to skip the shower, I ended up just taking off my undershirt (which had most of the sweat on it anyway), washing my armpits, and throwing my hoodie back on.

I looked in the fancy drawers for toothpaste and I found a tube. Please let this stuff not taste weird I thought as I put some onto the toothbrush. Luckily it tasted just like your average minty toothpaste! As I brushed I looked more closely at the tube. The brand was "Coltgate" instead of Colgate... Yeah... puns... I feel like this will become a vey annoying trend here... Unless they have some sort of horse pun for Xbox, or Reese's, or even the internet, im probably going to pry my hair out when ponies talk about their products.

After washing my face and doing all the standard wash up things, I marched out of the room and looked around. Let's see which room would be Celestia's... Hmmm... Maybe its the one with 4 guards and a Gigantic door...

I approached the door and the guards straightened up. Two of them moved to block the door and the other two walked up to me and stood in my way.

"What's up fellas?" I asked, wondering why they were blocking me.

"You cannot enter the Princess's private chambers without being searched first!" one of them said. Huh...well they have female guards here too... I should have known considering the gender ratio here is like 1:4. Regardless though, what the fuck! I hate it when people go through my shit... I feel like this is going to go badly.

"Remove everything from your pockets and take off your bag..." The girl guard said.

"Um how about no..." I said as I crossed my arms.

"Well then your not going anywhere!" She said sternly, OK... they're pissing me off now.

"I don't have any weapons!" I said with a frown.

"Then what's this?" A guard behind me said as he held my pocket knife out of my bag.

Son of a bitch... Kinda forgot about that thing...curse my roommate...

"That's my pocket knife I said, "It was a gift from a friend!" I said as my eye twitched slightly.

"Looks like a weapon to me..." The batpony guard behind me said, as he shook his head in disappointment.

"Such a shame... you just said you didn't have one... What a lie... " the girl guard said with disgust.

"I may have... forgotten..." I said as I rubbed my neck nervously. Ugh... come on give a guy a break?

"You forgot? What a lame excuse..." The guard with the knife said behind me.

"Take him away..." The girl guard said as the guy guards pounced on me.

"What the... Hey get off me!" I yelled as they grabbed my arms and legs. OK... Ponies are kinda strong... And heavy... This may be harder then I thought...

"Sorry human, No exceptions..." She said with a grin, I started to get really pissed, I clenched my fists and I felt my magic slowly powering up.

Luckily before I hurt any of them, Princess Celestia swung the giant door to her chambers open and rushed out.

"What is the meaning of this!?" She asked with a frown, yes! Call off your dogs please!

"Bullshit..." I blurted quickly, the girl guard scoffed in response.

"Your Highness! this human had a WEAPON in his possession!" She said pointing to me accusingly, I just sat there with a deadpan expression, hopefully Celestia wouldn't freak about this...

"Really? Is that the weapon in question?" She asked gesturing to the small knife. The guard brought it closer so she could see, then Celestia took one look at it and deadpanned.

"Have you all forgotten? " she said as she facehoofed. All the guards sat confused, even I was, What is she talking about?

She sighed In annoyance and walked up to one of the guards holding a spear to my neck.

"May I see your spear for a moment..." She asked kindly.

The guard hesitated for a moment and brought it closer to himself, when the Princess gave him a stern look he submitted.

"Of course Princess..." He said obediently as she grabbed it with her magic.

She then made sure everyone was looking before she jabbed the spear into her side, wait... what the fuck?

Before anyone said anything she withdrew the spear and showed it to us. It was completely bent flat as if it was made of something weak like tinfoil, and there wasn't a single wound or drop of blood to be seen.

"Conventional blades cannot harm me..." she said with a bored expression, geez... Why does she even have guards?

"Right...I forgot your Highness we are terribly sorry..." the girl guard said looking embarrassed as her ears drooped.

"You forgot? What a lame excuse.." I teased making the guard glare at me before turning back nervously to the Princess.

"I forgive you, Derrick does not have bad intentions, he will not hurt anypony..." Celestia said looking at the guards with disappointment, yeah you're right Celestia, I won't hurt you... But those guards? I might break a few noses...muzzles...whatever...

"Now release him at once and return to your posts..." Celestia ordered.

"Yes your Highness!" They all said simultaneously, I shoved them off of me the second they did. After some more silence i followed Celestia into her room and the guards just sat at the door looking scared and embarrassed.

"Fucking guards..." I muttered angrily once we were inside, making Celestia giggle.

"They may have been wrong to stop you, but they were just doing they're jobs..." She reasoned.

" Well you could have told them I was coming! " I said with a frown.

" I did in fact tell them you were coming, however I was not aware you were carrying a weapon..." she said with a raised brow.

"It's just a pocket knife...I forget I even had the thing..." I said with a shrug.

"Besides its not like the danm thing could hurt you anyway..." I said as I pointed to her, making her smile confidently.

I started to actually look around the room and holy shit it was HUGE! Her bed looked like 6 Celestia's could sleep in it, the windows were big and they let in a lot of light, the curtains and furniture was fancy, everything was shiny... I guess this is what you except from the co-ruler of Equestria's room. I looked at the window again and noticed the sun STILL wasn't up, pretty sure it's time for sunrise...

"Wait a moment I must tend to something..." Celestia said as she walked over to her balcony, it overlooked a good amount of the castle, aswell as some of canterlot itself.

She took a deep breath and her horn started to glow, and I should have seen this bullshit coming MILES away... This bitch just moved the sun...she just reminded me why I hate this place...

She turned back to me like nothing happened.

"What were you saying Derrick?" She asked, I folded my arms and deadpanned.

"Derrick?" She said looking at me, puzzled.

"Is something wrong?" She asked, I just sat there in silence, eventually she just sighed and waited for me to speak.

"So... you move the sun..." I said blankly.

"Yes?" She said, unsure where I was going with this.

"You can effortlessly control a collosal sphere of plasma with a surface temperature of over 5,778 Kelvin, that is easily hundreds of thousands of miles away?" I said with narrowed eyes. Celestia just nodded, I don't know know if ponies measure temperature or distance the same as humans, but she seemed to understand.

"Yes..." She said again with a sheepish smile, at that moment I laid my head In My hands with an annoyed sigh.

"If my little sister can control the moon and stars, then it isn't much of a stretch to say I can control the sun..." Celestia said with an annoyed glare. I just responded with an grumpy groan. Celestia shook her head slowly in disappointment.

"Well you do realize what this means right?" I said, the drunk feeling coming in again. Celestia turned to me curiously.

"I'm afraid I don't..."

"I'm going to blame you for every single case of sunburn, heatstroke, dehydration and especially when its too danm bright outside!"

I paused for a moment and added, "I'm also blaming Luna for any werewolfs and the tide ruining sand castles..." I added, Celestia just giggled like I was joking, what do you think this is a game?! I have my serious face on! Take me seriously dammit!

"Well Derrick... it is not my fault that ponies don't wear enough sunblock and stay outdoors too long, or that they exhaust themselves in the heat, or that they don't drink enough water, or that they don't wear the proper eye protection..." She said innocently.

"However... I cannot speak for my sister regarding wereponies and ruined sand castles.." She added with a giggle.

"I'm going to sue the fuck out of you when I get sunburn..." I muttered quietly, Celestia rolled her eyes.

At that moment a random book decided it was cool to smack the shit out of my head, what the hell? I looked down and my hands were glowing again.

"My gosh... I've never seen someone's control over magic so..."

"So?"

"Random..." Celestia said with a cringe.

" Well it probably has something to do with the fact that sometimes I can't focus on anything that well, because of golden...oh look a bird!" I said as I was childishly distracted by a red, orange and yellow bird that landed on my shoulder.

"Oh... she's my Pet Phoenix Philomena!" Celestia said as the bird moved to my outstretched hand.

" A phoenix? Ha!... She's not even on fire... You almost had me there..." I said with a yawn. The bird turned around and glared at me like it understood what I said. Then something crazy happened, the bird burst into flames in my hand.

"Oh look she's on fire..." I said calmly before I realized my motherfucking hand was burning! I proceeded to scream like a little bitch and run around the room flailing my arms around screaming.

"Get this thing off of me!" I yelled as my dumbass ran straight into a wall and fell on my ass. After that, the bird finally extinguished itself and jumped off of me looking satisfied with itself, then it disappeared just as suddenly as it appeared, this shit is going on the list...

"Princess?"

"Yes Derrick?" She respond, holding in a laugh as best as she could.

"I'm going to murder Philomena and eat her for dinner..." I muttered angrily, after debating on wether or not I was serious I guess she thought this was funny and she started laughing her ass off...er plot off...SAME THING!

"Hey! 3rd degree burns aren't a laughing matter!" I yelled as I waved my arm in front of her, making her pause.

"Instead of standing there you could like... Do your healing magic thing? I said in annoyance.

"Oh please its just a minor burn..." She said with a smirk.

"Now...please..." I said with a slight cringe.

The Princess chuckled as her golden magic healed me, man that feels really good...

"Not sure if gusta..." I said.

"What?"

"Forget it..."

I stood there staring at my hands now, since we apprantly had the same magic, maybe I could do things she could?

"I wonder if I can just heal myself..." I said aloud, prompting Celestia to clear her throat.

"Well that brings me to the first reason I brought you in here..." she said as her face got serious.

"If I really did unintentionally give you magic then you should be able to at least use some of the basic unicorn magics..." She explained.

"Like moving objects..."

"Check"

"Shooting lasers of varying strength..."

" Check "

"Sensing the magical aura of other ponies.."

"Che...uh no..."

"Wait I can do that?" I said in suprise.

"You should be able too...give it a try!" Celestia encouraged as she waited patiently.

"I have no clue how but OK..." I said with a shrug.

"Just remember... magic is primarily controlled by thought!" Celestia reminded with a tap to her forehead. OK so I guess I just think about sensing power aaaaaaaaaand... HOLY FUCK! I fell backward because of the massive sensory overload I just received.

"What happened?" Celestia said as she quickly rushed over.

"Your power level...its over...whelming... (ha you thought I was going to say 9000)" I said looking horrified.

"Yeah...I get that a lot..." Celestia said with a nervous smile.

"Jeez... and you're not the only one... I sense a few more..." I said as I rubbed my forehead.

"One is kinda close... It's pretty close to you in power..."

"That's my sister..." Celestia said.

"And there is one that is quite a bit lower than you two, but still significantly stronger than all the tiny ones I can feel."

"My faithful student, Twilight sparkle..."

"Then there is one more that's higher than Twilight's, but is a little farther right now..."

"Perhaps it's Shining Armor... I'm not sure if he is on duty at the moment..." Celestia said with slight uncertainty. What? "Shining armor" what the hell? Is that seriously a name?

I then proceeded to laugh my ass off, Celestia looked confused.

"What's so funny?" She asked, narrowing her eyes on me.

"I swear you ponies have some weird names..." I said as I finally finished, Celestia however did not look amused at all.

"Do not mistake my kindness for weakness... I do not appreciate you making fun of my ponies so often, I would appreciate it if you ceased..." She said sternly making me choke. She basically said "Shut the fuck up or I'll shove a sunbeam up your ass!" in a polite way...

"OK...I'll try..." I said nervously as I looked up to her.

"Good... Now maybe we could discuss other important matters..." She said , her eyes softening.

"Like?"

"Like How you got here perhaps? Or where you'll be staying as well as citizenship and future employment to name a few things..." Celestia listed.

"Right... My future..." I said as my joy faded. We realized that we'd been standing up for a while, so Celestia layed on the edge of her bed while I pulled up a random fancy chair.

"Now for the matter of how you got here..." She said as she looked into my eyes. I gulped nervously.

"Do you remember ANYTHING that happened before awakening here?..." She asked, her eyes not leaving mine. I thought for a moment before answering.

" I remember leaving my place, going somewhere I wouldn't usually...then it all just goes blank..." I said truthfully.

"Hmm...that.. complicates things..." She said as her face fell.

"We can't even begin to figure out how to send you back if you can't even remember what caused your arrival in the first place..." She said with a shake of her head, well I guess going back is a dead idea for now... I didn't mind too much... Nobody back home would be worried and I wasn't dating anyone at the time, so this was just a vacation in magic hell for me, although I might lose my job...eh I have money saved if that happens.

"Alright then... I guess I'm staying for a while..." I muttered in disappointment.

"Which brings me to my next point..." She said as a large scroll and quill appeared in between us, ugh... PAPERWORK? Dammit...

"The Equestrian foreign policy only allows up to 5 days to visitors before they must either leave or become a citizen..." She explained. Danm only 5 days? That's super short... I think you can stay for a few weeks back home, or something... Suddenly I felt the golden bud kick in again.

"You wouldn't kick ol DJ out for staying to long would you?" I said as I gave her a lustful stare and wink, Marking the first time I've ever flirted with a pony.

Celestia just stared at me, unfazed at my attempt to be "sexy" she raised her eyebrow.

"No exceptions... In 4 days you will either be a citizen of equestria or be kicked out..." She said sternly, well shit! I guess that doesn't work on her, I don't think anything can faze her when she's serious.

" Why is the visiting time so short anyway? " I ask curiously.

"Not many visit Equestria, because they either end up loving it here and staying anyway, or they just come here to become a citizen in the first place.." Celestia said, looking somewhat proud of herself.

Well let me think... I don't see why not... Besides its not like I'll be sent back anytime soon, because I don't remember anything, also I'll be too lazy to sign up in 4 days anyway...

"Alright..." I said as I leaned forward in my chair and scooted close to her.

"Where do I sign?"

...

After a few minutes of signing paperwork (which I honestly never bothered to read because meh) we eventually got to the part where I'm supposed to say an oath. We both stood up for this.

"Repeat after me..." Celestia said as she cleared her throat.

"I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign princess, potentate, state, or sovereignty, of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen; that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of Equestria and that I will love and tolerate." She and I said, line by line, I kinda snickered at the last one.

"Splendid! looks like you are now one of my loyal subjects! Congratulations!" She said with a smile as she closed the equestrian citizenship book.

"Wait that's it?" I said, as my eyes widened. If it's that danm easy then can see why everyone signs up!

"Yes we are indeed finished!" She said triumphantly. I kinda just chuckled before realization hit me like a wrecking ball. I am now a citizen of Equestria... That means I have to follow equestrian rules... And... I was now one of Celestia and Luna's subjects, so I have to to whatever they say and yadda yadda yadda yadda FUCK!

"Well I guess all that's left now is your employment..." She said as she zapped the papers away somewhere to be processed.

"Any suggestions? I can't mooch off of you and Twilight forever..." I said bluntly, making her snicker.

"Well I simply suggest asking Twilight and her friends, I'm sure they could help you find suitable employment if you plan to stay in ponyville..." Huh... I figured she'd say something like that.

"However if you plan to stay in canterlot, I could accommodate you until you can sustain yourself, there are plenty of jobs in the city as well as some jobs here. If you need something to do then just ask my sister and I we can give you something..." She said kindly. Not sure how I feel about that... I don't like people helping me too much...

"Thanks...I have to think about it..." I said with a shrug, Celestia just nodded.

After that we kinda just sat there silently, so I decided to start screwing with my magic again. I started practicing levitating some books around when I got hungry.

"Man it'd be great to have a fresh morning muffin..." I said to myself, Celestia perked up at that.

"I could have one of the guards bring..." She trailed off when she looked over to me. One of the books I was levitating suddenly flashed blindingly. The suprise and shock of the moment made me jump and my chair flew back with a loud *WHAM*.

Celestia giggled at first before a sudden gasp left her lips. I got up and set my chair upright again only to see the books I was levitating on the floor along with a glowing, warm, Coffee cake muffin (my favorite) on the resting on the floor.

My mind...

Is...

OFFICIALY...FUCKING...BLOWN!

"I...I...can...turn...books...into...muffins..." I stuttered as I Picked said muffin up. It really was fresh, and it smelled glorious... And I was kinda hungry...

So I took a huge bite of it and my mouth watered from the epicness of coffee cake. Celestia just sat there completely speechless, with amazement, horror, and concern written all over her face.

Danm... I can't believe I just did that! That defied so many laws... You know what? If I was going to keep my sanity while I'm here, I'm going to have to accept all the magical nonsense. So I decided to experiment a little more.

I grabbed another book and tried to see if I could replicate the same thing, and with another flash I had another muffin. Now let me see if I can reverse it... yep! That could be useful. Then I tried something crazy... Could I make something pop out of thin air?

Check...

I looked over to Celestia to see her reaction to this...

Impossible... Simply impossible... That is the only way to describe what Derrick just did... How could he achieve such a powerful spell with such little experience? It took me YEARS to perfect that spell... Years of trial and error... And he just does it effortlessly? Impossible... I fear that some other mysterious force is at work here... I fear that there is some other strange magic inside Derrick... Perhaps my magic... Our contact... just simply awakened it? I must find out... If it is what I think it is then my kingdom could be in grave danger...

"Uh Princess? You're looking a little pale... Well you're already white... Uh... never mind... What's wrong?" I said. She was staring blankly at the pile of books.

She quickly snapped back into reality and gave a weak smile.

"That was truly amazing Derrick!" I kinda just smiled at the praise until she frowned. "However I am not fond of the idea of you consuming my books..." Celestia said glaring at me.

A sheepish grin crossed my face and i quickly put the rest of the books back on the dresser where I found them. "Uh sorry?..." I managed as Celestia looked troubled

"Derrick you simply cannot run around turning things into muffins! You might scare somepony!" Celestia scolded.

"Until we can find out more about what exactly changed in you, I want you to refrain from using ANY type of magic without my permission..." She said, staring fear and authority into my eyes.

"Uh... yes... your Highness..." I said nervously, this honestly sucks, I wanted to see what else I could conjure up...

"Now I believe we are done here, I have important matters to attend to, until our lunch..." She stated, getting off her bed.

"Speaking of important matters..." I said as I stood up and returned the chair.

"That appointment..." she answered for me.

"Right... Let's go get Mac and Twilight..." I said, walking to the door. I waited for Celestia to get close before I opened the door for her.

"Thank you!" She said, accepting my kind gesture.

"This is a heavy ass door..." I said, making her giggle, I followed her out of her room. When I closed the door behind us, The guards outside were staring at us suspiciously. It was then that I noticed that the guards outside were now different. They didn't look like bat vampire ponies, they were regular ponies wearing golden armor and slippers, kinda like Celestia's.

"Hey where did that bat pony go?" I asked, darting my head around.

"Oh the night guard's shift ended a few minutes ago, this is the day guard!" Celestia explained.

"So they're gone..." I said flatly.

"Yes...why do you ask?" She tilted her head slightly.

"Because that BITCH still has my pocket knife!" I said angrily. Celestia just cringed I guess she understood my outburst, because she wasn't mad at me.

"Well that's quite a predicament. I advise that you wait until tonight's shift, then perhaps you could find the guard that had it?" Celestia said nudging me reassuringly.

"Yeah I don't think I'm finding it anytime soon..." I said in defeat, half of those night guards looked the same to me... Maybe I can find that one guy... What was his name? Black dusk? Yeah that guy... I'll find him and ask if any of his guards have my knife.

The guards gave me peaceful morning greetings as we passed by, man the day guards are pretty friendly! Most night guards I met would either ignore me completely or they would stare daggers at me, Maybe Luna's guards are just pricks...

"Hey Princess?"

"Yes Derrick?"

"How come your guards aren't surprised to see me?" I asked, because none of them looked particularly scarred or amazed.

"The entire royal guard, as well as most of the castle staff and the hospital nurses has been informed that you are here..." She explained, makes sense I guess.

"However they were sworn to secrecy until I decide when and how I will inform the country as a whole..." She said with uncertainty.

"Yeah well I'm not sure how much that'll help when the entire town of Ponyville knows about me already..." I sad flatly. Celestia looked at me surprised until realization dawned.

"Pinkie parties..." We said at the same time.

"Well I guess I'll have to make an official statement soon..." Celestia said grumpily. After a few seconds she stopped walking and leaned in close.

"You will inform nopony of the incident that happened last night in the throne room, or of the magical powers you have gained from said incident, are we clear?" She said staring daggers into my eyes, a mere inch away from my face.

"Cr...crystal..." I stuttered nervously. She smiled and backed up, I let out a breath I was holding as she did. She can look scary if she wants too... I almost shit myself there.

"Splendid! Now let's get going!" She said as she trotted away, I hesitated before following.

After walking down some stairs we saw Twilight sparkle, cheerfully talking to this orange Pegasus guard. "Oh good morning Princess! we were just looking for you!" Twilight said cheerfully with a bow. "Good morning Princess Celestia..." The guard said as he bowed. Danm I'm a citizen now! That means I'm going to have to start bowing to her too...

"Good morning to you aswell! you're just the guard I was looking for!" She said perking up at the sight of the Orange pony. The guard had on a completely dumbfounded expression.

"Me?" He said not believing his ears.

"Yes of course! You're one of my most trust worthy guards! I need you to do something for me!" She said kindly. His expression at that point kinda went neutral, I guess he expected to get a lame job like mopping Celestia's floor or something.

She gestured for him to come closer and she started whispering something into his ear, I didn't care what it was personally so I just tapped Twilight.

"Who's that guy"? I asked

"That's Flash Sentry! He's one of Celestia's royal guards, and he's also one of my closest friends! " she said quiet enough so that they couldn't hear. I guess he looked like a decent guy, he listened to Celestia with a serious expression and he stood alert. Hmm I wonder what she's telling him...

"So did you sleep well?" Twilight asked, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah some stuff went down when I woke up...literally..." I said with a shrug.

"What happened?" She asked curiously.

"Well..."

I can't believe the Princess is personally asking ME to do something for her! I can't let her down! I won't fail! I thought as the Princess cleared her throat.

"Flash sentry... I need you to take Twilight and her friends to the detoxification facility..." She said calmly.

"No problem... Wait what?" I whispered, caught off guard by her request.

"Big Macintosh and Derrick currently have Golden Bud cider in their systems that they need removed." She explained. Big Mac? He's a pretty cool guy... We hang out every once and a while, but I haven't seen him in a while, so that'll be nice.

"Oh that sounds simple..." I said with a confident smile.

"But as you and the rest of the guard have been briefed, my tall friend here is indeed human..." She added. Wow... I didn't really believe the captain when he told us, I thought it was just somepony with an amazing costume or illusion! I managed to keep a straight face and just nodded as she continued.

The Princess leaned in closer for the next part, making me a little nervous. "What I am about to tell you is CLASSIFIED, do not tell anypony!" She stated strictly.

"Yes I understand..." I said, keeping my composure. Holy buck! She's telling ME classified information!

"Recently he has acquired a disturbing magic that I need identified, so during his procedure please have his magic tested please..." She requested.

"I suppose you must give the nurse a brief description as well, but ONLY her..." She added.

" I should be there in time for you to hoof me the results of the magic test, they are for his and my eyes only... " she said as she glanced at the human. Wow...this is really strange... I wonder what kind of magic she thinks he has! If she wants the results kept so secret it could be bad... Despite all the secracy this should be a simple task anyway...

" I must also remind you to try and take a path where you will be seen by as few ponies as possible, I haven't given an official statement about Derrick yet, but the hospital staff have been notified already..." She added.

"Do you understand your assignment? I'm trusting you with important information... " she asked, louder this time as she stepped back...

"And then I became a citizen of Equestria..." I said as I recalled all the events that happened this morning.

"Wow that's wonderful! I'll have to ask my friends about possible employment though..." Twilight said, making a mentel note.

"Of course Princess! I'll get it done!" Flash said in a noble tone, as he saluted the Princess.

"Splendid! I will meet up with you later my little ponies, I have important matters to attend to..." Celestia said with a quick wave and a smile, before she swiftly walked away. I guess she'll meet us at the detox facility? Because I will be dammed if I have to search this fucking labyrinth of a castle, well let's just say our lunch would be canceled due to laziness...

"Alright everypony! The Princess wants me to escort you to the Detoxification Facility!" Flash announced to us. well I guess he's sticking around... I just hope this guy isn't anal about His job like Black dusk...

"OK! But first we have to go get Big Mac..." Twilight said.

"Why didn't he just come with you?" I asked raising my brow, that could have saved us the trouble of going back to the guest hall.

"Well I knocked on his door and it was locked, so I assumed he was still sleepy or maybe he didn't want to be bothered at the time..." Twilight said with a shrug, "So I decided to come and find you first... But I didn't know what room you were in, so I was on my way to ask Princess Celestia where you were when I saw Flash..." Twilight said with a smile, Flash seemed to perk up slightly at the mention of his name.

"OK whatever... Let's just go get Mac before he sleeps all day..." I said with a sigh, but I didn't move because I had no clue where anything was in this danm castle.

"Alright... The guest hall isn't too far from here..." Flash said as he started leading us to it.

When we got there something weird happened. As we walked up to the room Mac was staying in, the door suddenly swung open and Princess Luna came out of it looking exhausted.

"What fuck were you doing in there?" I blurted bluntly and she turned to me in suprise. Flash looked at me like I was crazy for talking to Luna like that and Twilight face hoofed, having seen me do this before.

Princess Luna deadpanned and looked at me.

"We were just telling Big Macintosh good morning before we go to sleep..." She said innocently.

"Wait...what do you mean before you go to sleep? It's like 10 in the morning!" I said, checking my watch.

"We are called the Princess of the night for a reason..." She said with a deadpan expression.

I kinda just sat there, the confusion must have been apprant on my face because Twilight chimed in.

"Princess Luna's royal duties mostly pertain to the night, because of this she is nocturnal..." She explained. Hmm sounds like I won't have to deal with her too much then... Good! because it looks like she's still salty about last night...

"We bid you all good morning, but we are afraid that we must leave you..." She said as she quickly Nuzzled Twilight and Flash (he blushed a little), then looked at me with a disdain and narrowed eyes.

"We have not forgotten last night's incident... we will be watching thee closely..." She said coldly, yeah well I'm still kinda mad at you for attempting to have me executed on impulse, so fuck you.

I said nothing as she continued to stare, Flash and Twilight looked nervous, especially Flash because he didn't know why Luna seemed to hate me.

Luna turned back to the ponies. And they bowed respectfully, Twilight was giving me this sideways glare, oh right I'm a citizen now... I have to bow to her, or I'll rot in prison.

I bowed halfheartedly, "I hope you sleep well Princess.." I said with a hint of poison. Luna however didn't pick up on it, she just smiled smugly and walked away. Before she was gone I quickly turned to the group.

"Let's just get this over with, I have lunch with Princess Celestia later you know!" I said looking annoyed. Luna seems to hear me because she slowed her pace for a few steps before it suddenly quickened as she rushed around a corner, is she mad? I don't give a shit...

Whenever Luna was gone, Flash immediately zipped up to me like an excited child.

"Whoa man she was totally pissed! What did you do?" He asked. Twilight was behind him vigorously shaking her head in a "Don't say shit" gesture.

"I...uh...spilled a drink on her?" I lied, yeah he's totally going to believe that crok of shi...

"Jeez that sucks to be you, I would hate to have a Princess mad at me! Especially if it's Princess Luna..." Flash said with a shudder, I wonder what he means?

"Why? What's so special about her?" I asked, she may have beat my ass but I probably just deserved it then, and I wouldn't let THAT happen again, I don't give a danm how important she is...

"Well... Princess Luna can enter ponies dreams.." He said, like I was supposed to know. Well that's the second pony that's said that, and he's not drunk so it must be true(hell I'm starting believe anything now?)! Then again... I don't remember seeing Luna in my dream...now that I think about it...I don't remember what I dreamed at all... Maybe she was there and she made me forgot the whole thing?

"So what she can enter my dream? My mind is in charge of what happens in my dreams!" I said with a scoff.

"Well that's the thing... When Princess Luna enters your dream, she is completely in control! She can control your dreams and even your Nightmares!" Flash explained.

"Oh..." I said as my eyes widened, thanks Flash! I will now sleep in fear tonight, if I even manage too...

A moment later Mac finally decided to step out of his room. he walked out swiftly and closed the door with a yawn.

"Mornin everypony..." He said with a weak smile.

"Sup" I said.

"Good morning" Twilight said cheerfully.

"Hey! Long time no see Mac!" Flash said, ah I see dudes call him Mac while the mares call him BIG Mac... heh...

"What took you so long?" I asked immediately.

Mac just rubbed the back of his neck. "Well ah woke up kinda sore... then _somepony_ left me a fancy breakfast, some bits and a friendly...uh letter..." Mac said, shuddering at the last part.

"What did it say?" I asked. He walked back into the room real quick to get it. Twilight and I were snickering, glancing at each other knowingly, we both knew Luna wasn't just "Saying good morning". Flash just smirked, " Heh... sounds like Mac has a special somepony! I wonder who it is..." He said with a nod, Twilight and I just glanced at each other again, he seriously doesn't know?

Mac came back out with the letter in his mouth, he dropped it into my hands and i read it aloud.

"Dear Mackiepoo...

We hope you have a wondrous day! We wish you the greatest luck with thy procedure and we hope to see you later tonight! Perhaps in our... private chambers? We would love to hear about thy day over a cup of tea!

Sincerely, your royal lover, The Princess of the night!" I read. Heh... _Somepony_ indeed...

When I finished everyone exchanged looks, Twilight looked amused while Flash looked completely surprised, I somehow managed to hold a simple smile on my face, as Mac glared at us.

"Mackiepoo?" Twilight said, snickering behind her hoof.

"No...bucking... Way..." Flash stuttered as his eyes turned into pinpricks... I'm not sure how many ponies actually know about this, so I guess this blew his mind.

"Mac's special somepony... Is PRINCESS LUNA!?" Flash said loudly in shock.

"Eeyup...Nnope...ah don't know... It's complicated..." Mac said with a sigh.

"Wow...just wow...to be honest I'm a little jealous... You totally lucked out man! you are going out with one of the hottest mares in Equestria!" Flash said with a nod of respect.

Twilight rolled her eyes at that point, I guess she didn't like it when the boys talked about mare's plots. Eventually I decided it was enough and I cleared my throat.

"Let's just go to the danm detox place already! I have shit to do later..." I said with a frown. "Right...of course... Let's go..." Flash said as his noble guard side came back. OK so I realized something... This castle is like a maze... We took so many turns, went through so many doors, passed so many guards that it all just blurred together. I ended up just blindly following Flash and the others, as they talked among themselves in front of me about... Nightmare Night? Eh I don't give a shit...

Eventually we were in the fancy brick Canterlot streets, where I noticed there weren't as many ponies walking about as in Ponyville. Thank god for that, because all the surprised faces and gaspes I usually get were annoying and don't get me started on the lustful gases and blown kisses I would get from the mares, just things about it makes me shiver!

I noticed that ponies around here wore clothes, because I saw some ponies with what I assumed were business suits (and they looked ridiculous) so I guess the community here is really different. Luckily because of the path we took, nobody could see me.

It didn't take long to get to the hospital because it was only like 2 blocks away from the castle. When we got inside everyone stared at me, nurses stopped what they were doing to watch us walk by. Celestia said she alerted the medical staff of my existence but I guess it was still shocking to actually see me.

Ugh... I swear I'm going to find a way to blend in somehow, because I Hate all this attention! Hmmm... maybe magic can do something about this? A cloaking spell? Is that even a thing? Naa I'll think of something later. Besides... Celestia doesn't want me using magic anyways...

"Good morning everypony! I am nurse Tenderheart! Princess Celestia told me you would be coming here with your...tall friend. Please follow me to the Detoxification Facility..." Said a white pony with pink hair and a red cross with hearts around it as a cutie mark.

"Let's go everypony!" Twilight said, she waved and we followed the nurse through some doors. While we were walking, Twilight and the nurse were talking happily, my gosh... this girl is friends with EVERYONE.

"So how is my sister in Ponyville doing?" Tenderheart asked.

"Oh nurse Redheart? She's doing fine! She does miss you though, she said you don't write her enough..." Twilight said looking a little downcast.

"Oh I do try to, but its extremely busy around here, and its rare that I get a moment to relax, let alone write a letter. But please tell her that I miss her too!". "OK I will!" Twilight said with a gentle nod.

We finally got to a set of double doors that said "Detoxification" and we walked through. There were a couple ponies in the waiting area already, I noticed that there wasn't a single girl there, wow... I guess only dudes are stupid enough to drink golden bud. They slouched and drooled in their chairs like their brains were half melted, it looked like they all had it worse then Mac and I.

I guess because the Princess sent us here we didn't have to wait in the lobby, because Tenderheart just took us straight into one of the detox rooms. The room had a bed with this strange device attached to it...now if I wasent half drunk I would have marveled at the thing, but unfortunately all I could see on the danm thing was this motherfucking needle sticking out of a tube on it.

"Ok who would like to go first?" Tenderheart asked as she turned to Mac and I. We just stared at her silently.

She got an impatient look, "I'm going to pick one of you if you don't volunteer..." She said, tapping her hoof impatiently, we still said nothing, instead we both just stared at the needle on the device.

"OK you first sir..." She said eventually, as she pointed at me...

Shit...

I hopped onto the bed nervously (which was hilariously undersized), and stared at the needle. It was a thin but long one that shined brightly, curse my stupid fear of pointy things, don't be a little bitch Derrick! Especially in front of them! Suck it up!

"Now honestly... I'm not really sure where to stick this... It's supposed to go in your foreleg... " the nurse said as she handled the needle and stared at my body with great uncertainty. I pulled up my left sleeve and pointed to my inner elbow, where IV's and stuff like that usually go.

"Pretty sure it's here..." I muttered, staring at the needle I gulped, let's hope she doesn't miss! The nurse disinfected the area with a wipe and I took a deep breath as she aimed for my vein.

"What's your name?" Tenderheart suddenly asked.

"Uh...just call me DJ..." I answered.

"You seem a bit nervous DJ..." She said with a giggle

"No shit..."

"Do you like muffins?" she asked as she smiled warmly.

"Yeah I like muff...ahhh!" I was interrupted by a needle being jammed deep into my arm, that sly bitch distracted me...

"God dammit..." I whispered as the nurse switched the machine on and I instantly felt light headed. "Don't worry hon you're going to be just fine... I'll go fetch you a muffin while the machine does it's job..." The nurse said kindly as she walked to the door.

"Hold on nurse..." Flash said as he walked up to her and whispered something in her ear, she looked confused for a moment before nodding, "I'll be right back..." She said as she left with a smile.

Twilight started to giggle at me as well as Mac.

"What? I'm afraid of pointy things..." I said lazily.

"Oh its not that..." Twilight said shaking her head.

"Then what?"

"You look high as buck right now man..." Flash said bluntly and they busted out into laughter.

"No...I'm...not...high! I'm...just...low..." I said slowly, prompting more laughter, as I felt really tired and dizzy, this machine was really draining me!

A few moments later nurse Tenderheart walked in again but this time she carried a basket with a clear orb inside it.

"What's...that..." I muttered quietly as I fought drowsiness.

"It's a magic orb, I need you to channel some of your magic into it so we can test it's properties..." She explained. I then looked at her like she was crazy but flash raised his hoof.

"Princess's orders..." He said as he gestured to the orb. I sighed in annoyance, and flopped my arm into the basket and felt around until I had the orb in my hand. I focused on it for a moment until i felt a tiny amount of my magic fill the orb.

"Thanks! I should have the results shortly, but in the mean time I should get your friend on the detox machine next..." Tenderheart said as she Gestured to Mac who gulped nervously. So she removed the needle from my arm, cleaned the wound and got the machine ready for Mac by quickly disposing and replacing the needle.

So that was it! it was finally over! ...I felt...drained... And tired, but Tenderheart assured me that was just temporary and that I would feel fine in a few minutes, so I just sat in the chair next to Twilight. Now that I could think clearly I decided to ask Twilight something.

"Twilight... You know a lot about magic and stuff right?"

"Yes! Was there something you wanted to know?" She said, perking up at the chance to flex her brain.

"Is it hard too... Transform objects into something else?" I asked curiously, Celestia reacted oddly when I turned her book into a muffin, then again who wouldn't react oddly to that?

Twilight thought for a second before answering, "Yes... that is a very advanced spell... It takes a while for unicorn's to master something like that, in fact even I can't do it right yet!" She admitted.

"You would also require a large amount of magic to do it...unless..." She paused looking uncertain.

"Unless what?" I asked.

"Unless that pony happened to have Chaos magic..." She answered with a shrug.

"Chaos magic?"

"Yes it's one of the most powerful and saught after magics in Equestria! A pony could easily transform, and conjure up things with it... Even themselves..." Twilight explained. Before I could say something she added, "But it's REALLY rare... In fact... There hasn't been any chaos magic in Equestria in at least 2000 years..." She added.

Hmm... Considering the description she gave, me that sounds a lot like what I have... But she said it was rare! I got this magic from Celestia, and as far as I know she doesn't have chaos magic. But the way I transformed that book...it was so easy and natural... And I didn't even have magic for 24 hours so I was definitely not an experienced magic user... This all seemed strange... Celestia is even having my magic tested RIGHT NOW, so it could be possible...somehow

I decided to try something to confirm my suspicions, but not here right in front of them all.

"Hey where's the uh... bathroom?" I asked to nobody in particular.

"Take a left over there..." The nurse said as she hooked the non willing red stallion to the machine (Twilight had to force him on with her magic). She gestured to a short hallway on the far side of the room where I quickly stumbled to. I found a door and I rushed into it quickly and closed it, I was now alone.

Now Celestia may have told me to refrain from using my magic, but I HAD to see if this was true. OK... so Twilight said That chaos magic could transform objects, and the users could also do it to themselves, so my plan was simple: if I could transform into something then I have chaos magic. Now I just had to figure out what... Hmm maybe I could fix that earlier problem... With those danm ponies staring at me on the streets... Maybe if I... No...that's crazy! Well...it can't hurt...

I looked in the mirror and concentrated on myself, getting a mental image of what I was going to turn into, then in a flash of magic I changed. When I opened my eyes again I was different...

I was now a pony.

I decided that if I was going to change I may aswell do this because it could come in handy for blending in and it was the only thing I could think of at the time. I also decided to be a Pegasus because I thought it would be cool to conquer my fears and fly around. My pony version wasn't very colorful, infact it only had 3 colors, Black White and my Golden eyes, hmm... Maybe I should spice it up? I concentrated and made colorful stripes appear on my mane. eww...OK I looked way better before...

I sat there looking at myself, the golden eyes thing is weird... hmmm... can't seem to change it, maybe I can't because my eyes glow when I use magic? Before I could finish that thought I flashed again and turned back into a human...what the fuck? Is this timed? Seems like it is... It won't be very useful if I can only do it for a minute... Maybe if I use more power it will last longer? So I tried again, but this time I used a shit load more power so I wouldn't transform back after a minute.

After a second successful transformation I thought I should probably practice walking around... so I started practicing walking in circles to make sure I could really fit in with the crowd, hopefully I wouldn't trip or anything. I should probably practice flying or something later when I find an open area.

I examined myself some more I kinda like pony me... Despite my hate for ponies in general, I could get used to this! Think of all the pranks I could pull in this disguise! I should probably come up with a name or something for it...

Suddenly I felt a familiar power that I dreaded, and unfortunately it wasn't long before I heard a certain ponies voice in the room, it was PRINCESS CELESTIA.

Son of a Bitch...

Shit! I can't cut the spell off right now! I used WAY too much power on it! They can't see me like this! They'll totally freak out! Then Celestia will be pissed at me for using my magic, and because I'm a citizen now she can kinda punish me like one now... What do I do? I have to come out eventually! I can already hear them saying I've been in here for a while... You know what?

Fuck this...

I noticed the bathroom had a window and I quickly pried it open and hopped out of it... Which I regret immediately because I've only had wings for 2 minutes...

*thud*

"Ow..."

I quickly stood up after that and looked around, thankfully nobody saw me jump out of a 2nd story hospital window so it seems like I was still unnoticed right now. I glanced up at the open window and I jumped in suprise, Celestia and Twilight were staring at me through it.

Twilight's mind was completely and utterly fucked and her face showed it, while Celestia looked surprised and confused too.

"Derrick?" Celestia said raising a brow, holy fucking shit...

She knows! And she looks fucking PISSED!

I didn't dwindel on the fact that the Princess may or may not have seen through my disguise, I was already 2 blocks away before I felt Celestia's power suddenly surge up.

IM SO FUCKING DEAD!

I sighed as another stack of papers and scrolls was plopped onto my desk.

"More guard reports sir.." A young private said as he saluted me. This pony was shaking from anxiety but he somehow held himself at attention, was he scared of me?

"At ease private..." I said, the private let out a breath and almost slumped to the floor, he looked exhausted.

"You're a mess Private Dawn... how much sleep did you get last night?" I asked.

"I didn't even _sleep_ last night..." The private said looking down in shame, this pony does some serious overtime! He needs a break.

"Listen private... Take the day off... You won't be much use to the guard if you're in danger of collapsing from exhaustion..." I said with a grin.

"Thank you... Captain..." He said with a weak smile.

"Skip the formalities Dawn... You're off duty now... Just call me Shining armor... I won't bite you.." I said with a chuckle.

"Of course Captain... Er I mean sir...uh Shining.." He stuttered as he took his helmet off and almost dropped it.

"Go get some sleep Dawn..." I said, shaking my head.

"OK armor... shining... sir..." He said as he moved toward the door, stumbling slightly.

"And lay off the coffee! It can't replace real sleep!" I reminded as he closed my door.

I chuckled in my chair as I had a flashback, I used to be just like him when I joined the guard. My warm smile from good memories faded as I looked back at the stack of paperwork.

I let out an annoyed sigh as I got to work on it, sifting through reports of the days events. Unfortunately nothing major ever happened around here because Equestria was currently in a state of everlasting peace. Now don't get me wrong... I don't want a war to suddenly break out or something... But for Celestia's sake this is SO boring!

Apprantly being a captain ment dealing with stacks of paperwork, which sucks because when I was initially promoted I thought my life as a guard was going to be exciting but now I just "lead" the guard and handle complaints, sift through reports drink government funded coffee and sit in this office.

Now I could order some of my subordinates to do this for me but that would kind of be like running out on the job, and that's a fat No from me! Now I know what it feels like... Princess Celestia has to deal with 4x times the paperwork as me and she has to make nice with snooty politicians and crazy ambassadors... Let's just say... Last time the dragons came, they almost burned the castle down... Yeah... A dark day indeed. Don't even get me started about the GRIFFINS... We didn't have meals prepared for carnivores, so somepony almost got eaten...

Needless to say I was aching for excitement right now, as if my wish was granted a knock came at my door, now that could have been any pony, but the power I was sensing told me otherwise, It could only be one of the Alicorn sisters. I assumed it was Celestia because Luna would be sleeping at this time.

I cleared my throat and straightened up in my chair.

"Come in..." I said. The door opened to reveal Princess Luna, guess I was wrong...

"Captain Armor? May we ask a favor of thee?" She said as she quickly rushed in my office and shut the door behind her. She looks really tired... Why is she even still up?

I got out of my chair and approached her slowly, she looked like she might pass out so I didn't plan to let her fall.

"Anything for you your Highness, What do you need?" I said with a salute.

"Sit down while we explain to thee..." She as she sat on one of the coaches in my office, I sat back in my chair with a shrug.

"What's going on?" I asked with concern.

Luna took a big breath and blurted suddenly, " OUR TIA IS HAVING LUNCH WITH SOMEPONY " she blurted loudly making my mane messy, she covered her mouth looking embarrassed about her outburst. OK... the Princess is having lunch with someone... She does it all the time with the politicians, it's hardly an exciting subject nore does it have anything to do with me...

"I'm sorry Princess but I don't see the problem..." I said carefully, Luna could get made quite easily.

"The PROBLEM is the pony going with her..." She said, looking abit agitated.

I leaned forward in my chair and sighed, looks like it was going to be boring after all...

"Alright who is it?" I asked with a yawn.

"They art not a pony, but a HUMAN!" She said as her eye twitched.

My eyes widened and I sat up straight in my chair. A Human? The same one I briefed the guard about? The one that arrived out of nowhere yesterday? Derrick... I haven't gotten the chance to meet him yet but I plan to after work. Some of the guards say he's almost as tall as Celestia, but I'll believe it when I see it... All the female guards said he was cute also... Which was irrelevant...

The worry in my face faded as I relaxed in my chair. it's just like the lunches she had with the various ambassadors, "Well that is an interesting guy to dine with, but I still don't see the problem... I haven't gotten any reports of him causing any trouble..." I said calmly.

Luna's eye twitched again a few times before she lowered her head.

"The human has desecrated our big sisters horn..." She muttered, I shot up in my chair immediately.

"WHAT!" I yelled in outrage, who does he think he is?

"I'll get the execution squad ready..." I said as I immediately began writing a letter, nopony has been executed in over 3000 years so I guess I need to actually MAKE an execution squad...

"Nay... The human was under the influence of Golden Bud Cider, That accident has been forgiven..." Luna said with a deadpan expression. I promptly crushed the paper and tossed it into a nearby trashcan. Now that was a HUGE deal around here, you don't just touch ponies horns unless you're in a serious relationship, but if the guy was under Golden Bud's influence then I could understand it happening, especially sense He's not from around here.

"Well then...I still fail to see the problem here..." I stated again, Luna sighed in frustration.

"The Human's contact with our sister has gifted him with magical powers..." She explained, OK this is officially interesting now...

"Her magic has changed him... It is a powerful and strange magic that we don't recognize, we fear that even our powerful sister could be in Danger..." She said.

"So you want me to stop the lunch from happening?" I interrupted, thinking I had a clear understanding.

"Nay. We simply request that thee keep an eye on Our sister for us. What thou decided to do from there is up to thee, we are simply to exhausted to do it ourself.

" So let me get this straight... You want me to spy on Princess Celestia And the human?" I said as I stood up slowly with a raised brow, Luna nodded. Should I do this? If I'm caught... Princess Celestia would be FURIOUS! But if this Derrick is actually a threat to the Princess then I would be right there to swoop in and kick tail, I guess it couldn't hurt to be there just in case... this may not be the exciting call to action I expected but it was certainly better then signing and stamping papers.

"Alright I'll do it..." I sad with a shrug.

"HUZZAH! WE THANK THEE!" She yelled cheerfully as she crushed me with a hug, so this is what it feels like? Poor Macintosh...

"Now we can sleep in peace!" She said with a smile as she let go of me, I dropped to the floor gasping for air.

"Oh and we forgot to mention... We art not certain of when the lunch actually begins, but The human is currently being treated for golden bud at the canterlot hospital, and Thy little sister, Twilight sparkle is there along with Big Macintosh and Flash sentry. " she said as she left the room.

Flash sentry? With MY little TWILY? Now I'm definitely obligated to go there. Flash is a good friend and a outstanding guard besides occasional slip ups, but I just can't stand seeing him with my little Twily! Now I have two pairs to watch...

I looked back at the papers and sighed, looks like some poor pony is going to do the captain's paperwork today after all...

Notes: danm... I outdid myself... 10,000+ words? Another record is smashed! Yay? Well unfortunately it took a week or longer...so I'm not sure if I'm going to keep making them so long...

Anyway a lot of important things happened... 2 new stallions were brought into the story, DJ is officially citizen if Equestria, he can turn into a pony and he may or may not have CHAOS magic... I won't explain much on that except for this: Discord uses Chaos magic... I'll let that sink in! Don't ask... All will be explained later... :3

I'm not sure where I should end act one... Perhaps this is a good place? Eh maybe I don't know... I just don't want to get to act 1 part 10 or something... It just doesn't sound right...

I am also well aware that Nurse Tenderheart and nurse redheart are kinda the same pony, but I thought it would be neat to do the nurse joy thing and make them twin sisters! (I think that's how it worked in Pokemon... I don't remember) yeah so there's that!

Not sure what else to say... Uh... Check my blog on fimfiction for any progress and what not and I apologize for any errors because thus chapter is HUGE so I'm sure there's alot.

PS: I haven't forgotten about my other fic... I'm just having too much fun writing this one right now... But I am kinda working on the next chapter of that! ( I have a few pages)


	6. Act 2 part 1

Act 2 part 1: The new ME

I'm a complete idiot... I'm fucking stupid...I'm a dumbass... Why the fuck am I running! Apprantly I haven't learned anything from the last time I tried to run from Twilight... And Luna...and Rarity... Kind of I wasent running. There were SOME positives though, I could now successfully blend with the crowd with little effort. Unfortunately, to do so I had to stop running at a full sprint otherwise I would look suspicious, also the looks the mares gave me? Now I would only get the flirting if they actually saw me up close, which was pretty much never because I was jogging away before they could start conversation, which they tried a lot More because I was a pony now.

The other advantage I have that I didn't have before is magic, which is barely even one at all considering all I know how to do is make muffins, shoot lasers and maybe levitate things, how that'll help me here? I don't know. Now I know you're all thinking " Why don't you just fly away?" Well the answer is I can't! I have absolutely no experience flying so even if SOMEHOW i managed to fly in a fucking straight line, I would probably just get spotted immediately by the Princess anyway.

So there I was... Jogging at a brisk pace, away from the castle, heading towards nothing In particular. I could FEEL the Princess's powerful magic nearby, which probably means she can feel mine too, but I couldn't see her anywhere so needless to say I'm still scared shitless right now... I eventually stopped next to some kind of fruit stand to catch my breath and calm down so I could focus. I looked around for a while, she's still nowhere to be see...oh fuck.

Celestia was right across the street, searching the crowd for me, along with...shit Twilight's there too! I knew I sensed someone else near her! Great now I have two ponies after me, the motherfucking Princess of the sun, and her Faithful apprentice. Luckily... it looked like they didn't get a good look at me before, because they couldn't pick me out of the crowd quite yet.

"Hey cutie... you hungry?" Said a voice next to me, making me jump slightly. I turned to see a green and white mare holding out an apple to me, she looked at me slightly flushed. Ugh... I've been here too long! "Here! This one is on the house!" She said with a slight flutter of her eyes. "Thanks?" I said sheepishly as she hoofed it to me. Now let me tell you... I kinda miss having thumbs... I mean to be honest the hoof thing isn't as bad as it looks, because despite their rough appearance, you can still actually grip things somewhat well. Now don't fucking ask me how, because I'm not a fucking biologist, but just know that you CAN grab things with hoofs. After some quick practice I was able to eat the apple normally as if I had thumbs when I was human.

The momentary break didn't last too long, because I saw Twilight pointing to me in the crowd, she said something to Celestia and both of their heads quickly darted to my position and Celestia's eyes narrowed as she said something to Twilight.

"Oh...uh gotta go!" I blurted quickly as I took off in the opposite direction, I knew they would catch me then and there if I didn't come up with a distraction, time to put that magic to use.

I quickly stopped and turned to the fruit stand, can I even use magic in this Pegasus form? I'm about to find out! I made sure nobody could see me and I raised my right hoof, focusing on one of the legs on the fruit stand. My hoof started to glow as I quickly pulled the wooden leg off with a wave gesture, causing all of the fruit to spill across the street. Celestia being the kind soul she was simply HAD to stop to help and pick them up, allowing me make a swift exit, it was a dick move but it had to be done... I'll probably find someway to repay that mare one day...

I spotted the Pegasus that The princess suspected to me DJ eating an apple next to a fruit stand. "There he is! He's next to that fruit stand!" I said as Princess Celestia quickly turned to it. "Good eye, my Faithful student!" Celestia praised as we quickly rushed over toward him. Unfortunately the fruit stand in front of us suddenly collapsed, throwing an assortment of apples oranges and pears all over the street.

"Oh no not again! " the earth pony mare who owned the stand said as she scrambled to pick up the fruit that rolled into the street. "Do not fret my Loyal Subject, we will assist you..." The Princess said in her kind motherly tone, well I guess I'm picking up some fruit then... Princess Celestia and I started using our magic to slowly return all the fruit to the stand, wipe the dirt off of the fruit, As well as fix the stand itself. One of the legs had come off of it somehow, hmm that's strange...

"Oh thank you your Highness!" The mare said as she bowed thankfully. "You are very welcome..." Celestia said with a nod. The mare seemed to look nervous for a second. " So Is that guy you're after your special somepony? It seems a little too early to be chasing stallions around..." She asked with a giggle. I gasped at the off-topic question, did she really ask that?

The Princess blinked twice, complety wide eyed. I guess she never even thought about that as a possibility, then again as far as I know she usually spent the season alone, that's something I observed after being her student for a while, I never had the courage to ask her about it yet but it's her personal business.

"No...he is not... My Faithful student and I just need a word with him..." She said with a fake smile. "Really? So... he's available? Now I know what stallion to look for in a few weeks..." The mare said with half lid eyes. "Actually he's NOT available..." The Princess said quickly, smiling nervously. Wait what? "But you just said that he was... oh wait... I see what's going on here..." The mare said as she looked at both of us with a smug grin, oh she's not suggesting that ...both of us... and him... together?

"You three don't have to hide your relationship..." The mare said with a giggle, she IS suggesting it! The Princess frowned and gave the mare a stern look. "We are NOT in a relationship!" She said with a light stamp of her hoof. "Sure you're not..." The mare said sarcastically, her smug grin only widening. The Princess face hoofed and grumbled to herself, I think it's time I ended this awkward conversation...

Suddenly the mare's fruit stand collapsed again, undoing all the work we just did. "Oh not AGAIN!" The mare said with an annoyed snort. "I'm sorry to interrupt this wonderful discussion, but we have a stallion to catch!" I said quickly, prompting the Princess and I to take off galloping in the direction DJ went, leaving the mare with her mess.

After we were a distance away we slowed down, "Princess?" I asked. "How come you said DJ was in a relationship?" I asked curiously. The Princess paused her gallop and raised her eyebrow. "I was simply saving him a possible annoyance in the near future..." She explained. "I've seen Derrick express his annoyance for crazy mares..." She added with a giggle. " Yeah... It's written all over his face when he's in public! But If I didn't know any better... I'd say you were just saving him for yourself! " I joked making us both giggle. "Don't joke like that..." She said rolling her eyes. Then she stopped and smiled knowingly. " You knocked that stand over the second time didn't you..." She said. "I sure did! That mare had a big mouth and she wouldn't let up!" I said proudly, the Princess looked at me with slight disappointment.

"I don't condone that type of behavior..." She said sternly, what have I done! "Oh I...I'm so sorry Princess Celestia! I'll never do it again! I pinkie promise!" I blurted nervously as I bowed at her hoofs. "Officially..." She finished with a smile. "Huh?" I said as I stood up again in confusion. "I was about to knock it over myself... You saved me the trouble so I thank you!" She said with a giggle, well I wasn't expecting THAT from the Princess... "You're welcome! I'm sorry we lost DJ though..." I said as I searched the streets again. We started to run around searching for DJ.

After a while the Princess looked around and took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "Brace yourself my Faithful student, I think this chase has gone on long enough..." She said with a frown. "What...do..you...have...in mind?" I said as struggled to breath, all this running was taking a toll on me while the Princess seemed unaffected by the whole thing. Princess Celestia didn't break a sweat on runs like this because she was an Alicorn, in fact I'm sure she can run way faster then this if she really wanted to but I guess she's holding back so she doesn't scare somepony and cause a scene. The princess got a mischievous smile on her face as she charged up her magic.

"Oh...THAT spell..." I sad as I braced my stomach...

After rushing through a few more city blocks and exiting through a guarded gate, I was finally on the outskirts of Canterlot. There were a lot of grassy hills and wide open areas with few trees. It all seemed to go on for a while. I noticed that Ponyville was merely at the bottom of this large mountain so I guess flight to and from there didn't take as long as I thought. I decided to stop at the top of one of the hills to catch my breath, I wasn't that exhausted because it seemed I could run a lot longer then usual in this pony body. I rested on my haunches (I think that's what it's called...fuck it I sat down...) looking around trying to figure out where I should go next, maybe i could sneak back in to canterlot? Or maybe I could find some random cave to hide in until this is over... Wait who am I kidding? This is fucking pointless!

Suddenly in a flash of, Twilight appeared in front of me looking somewhat dazed. What the hell? How did she... Whatever I'm OUT!

I quickly scrambled to my feet and began running again, Twilight tried to chase after me but I was faster then her. You dont know how hard it is to fight the urge to scream "You're too slow!" At the top of my lungs, buy I resisted somehow.

"DJ wait!" She called out to me desperately, I turned my head to respond. "Nope nope nope!" I yelled back, but when I turned forward again another flash of light revealed Princess Celestia, standing a few feet in front of me looking quite angry.

"Gotcha!"

I jammed my hoofs into the ground in an effort to stop but it was already too late. I ended up slamming right into Celestia, knocking me flat on my back. Ok Slamming into Celestia was like running full speed into a brick wall, it hurt like hell and it makes you hear ringing bells. Celestia didn't even budge, she seemed completly uneffected by the collision, what the hell! It was then that Twilight caught up with us and she looked down on me as I sat there in a daze, seeing stars and mumbling unintelligibly. I shook my head vigorously to clear it, then looked up at Celestia.

OK let me explain something to you, I was now a pony, which means that my height has been drastically reduced. I am now about Flash's size so that ment that Celestia was fucking Huuuuuge! And it also didn't help that her expression was so intense, her hair was covering one of her eyes as usual but that one eyed glare cut through me like butter. I could practically TASTE the anger and disappointment radiating off of her as she gazed down at me.

So like the smart guy I am, I tried to run again. Before I could do that I found myself in that familer golden glow as I was pretty much paralyzed instantly, fucking magic... I struggled to get free a few times, Celestia was effortlessly holding me down, Each time I tried to get free, she would add more pressure until I could barely breath. I swear I'm going to find a way to combat this telekinesis bullshit, I hate being powerless!

"I am going to release you now, and when I do you, best not attempt to run again..." Celestia stated as I shakingly nodded in compliance, well the closest nod I could pull off while being restrained by magic.

She released me from her magic and I carefully stood up onto my 4 legs.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Celestia asked simply, and I gulped nervously. "Well...I...uh...had a hunch..." I said with a nervous smile. "And what was your hunch?" Celestia asked with narrowed eyes. "Well according to Twilight's info on Chaos magic, it makes it easy to create and manipulate objects, and chaos magic users can change their appearance with little effort..." I explained with a shrug. "So I said to myself, if I can change into something than I must have this chaos magic she's talking about..." Then I gestured to myself. "Then I attempted to solve one of my problems, so i made myself a pony to try and blend in I guess.." I said with a sigh.

"And blend in you did!" Twilight interrupted as she walked around me and examined my pony body. "This is a very accurate transformation! All the pony biology is in check!" Twilight said excitedly as she touched and felt on my hoofs and wings. I had to push her away when she got the science face and started examining my crotch, yeah slow down there !

"Calm down Twilight! I'm not some lab specimen!" I said with a frown. "Sorry..." She said as she backed off and smiled innocently. Celestia cleared her throat and spoke, she'd been watching us in silence with a neutral expression the whole time. "So you deliberately disobeyed my plea, in order to play a hunch?" She said glaring at me accusingly. "Yes?" I choked out nervously, man she is scary when she's mad!

"Well I hope you're satisfied because you were right..." She said sternly as she held up a paper that had the results of the magic test. She broght it close so in could read it. Unsurprisingly, alot of it I didn't understand because of Equestrian terminology but to sum bits up, it was saying that I had traces of "Alicorn magic" and a "unspecified unstable magic" which was in this case, Chaos magic I assumed.

"Wait so I have your magic... AND Chaos magic?" I uttered in suprise, I kinda thought that something changed the magic I got from Celestia not that I had BOTH. "Indeed you do... It seems that my magic was simply the catalyst to awakening the chaos magic within you..." Celestia said with a grim expression. "So I've had this all along? I highly doubt that... I'm pretty sure chaos magic wasn't a thing in my world" I said with a scoff. "Perhaps... Or... Maybe during the events of that missing day in your memory, the magic was somehow obtained by you..." Celestia hypothesized. "Your guess is as good as mine... " I said with a shrug, If that's true then that day must have been really fucked up for me...

The Princess's eyes softened as she continued "From what I can tell, it seems my Alicorn magic is stabilizing your Chaos magic and keeping it in check...for now..." She said with uncertainty. "So it shouldn't go it of control..." Twilight muttered. "Cool..." I said with a grin as I played with my magic again, lifting a small stone in front of me. When Celestia and Twilight saw me they gasped in shock. "How can you do that? You're a Pegasus right now?" Twilight questioned. "I can use magic in this form too I guess..." I said casually. Twilight looked concerned as she tilted her head, " make sure nopony finds out about that, they'll freak out if they see a Pegasus using magic without an explanation.. " Twilight warned, well that sucks! I have to hide my magic now.

Celestia watched me, looking intrigued at first before she slowly deadpanned. "You knocked that stand over the first time didn't you..." She said, glaring over at me accusingly. "Maybe..." I said with a nervous grin, making both mares sigh in annoyance. "Wait... it fell over AGAIN?" I said as what she said finally clicked in my head. "Yes but the second time it was complety necessary..." Twilight said with an innocent smile. I didn't know what she meant so I just shook my head.

"That is irrelevant, Derrick still ruined that mare's fruit stand..." Celestia stated. "Hey I was running for my life back there!" I said in defense. Celestia looked offended from my comment. "I would never hurt or let alone outright take your life over such an offense..." She said, looking at me like I was crazy. Then her expression changed back to irritation. "There will however be consequences..." She added, I gulped nervously and quickly dropped the rock.

"Consequences?" I said with a nervous smile, am i going to the dungeon? Maybe she'll make me her personal slave? Or worse maybe she'll force me to do community service, or maybe she will just banish me from equestria entirely! I have no idea what she's capable of so I don't know what to expect.

"Yes indeed CONSEQUENCES! I haven't decided what they will be as of yet , but just know that your disobedience will not go unpunished..." Celestia said sternly, well I'm going to the fucking dungeon...

"How did you guys catch up with me anyways?" I asked with a raised brow. " I used a Teleportation spell..." Celestia said. I face hoofed fore the first time ( that's a bit harder then I'm used to..), why am I not surprised...

"That's going on the list..." I said as I shook my head "What list?" Twilight asked. "Nothing, how come you don't teleport more often?" I said, if they could just teleport around, why waste time walking anywhere? "Teleportation is an advanced spell that has limits. It takes a lot of magical power, doesn't work well in crowded areas and it can be somewhat unpredictable and inaccurate..." Celestia explained. "It can even be painful in some situations..." Celestia added with a shudder, she's probably clipped into a wall or something, I'm not even going to ask...

"Well that's going on the list..." I said again, Celestia and Twilight looked at each other then back to me in confusion.

"What list?" They both asked sternly, making me flinch. "Oh just a... mental checklist of... bullshit I've encountered in Equestria..." I said with a nervous smile. Celestia shook her head in disappointment and Twilight facepalmed. "Magic is a very prominent thing on it... As well as that Golden bud crap..." I mentioned with distaste, I intentionally left out the part where Both Twilight and Celestia were on the list as well.

"Speaking of Golden bud we should really head back to the hospital and see how the others are doing?" Twilight reminded. " I'll save time and Teleport us there, brace yourselves. " Celestia said as she powered up her magic. "Brace myself?" I said puzzlingly, before we disappeared in a bright flash.

...

"So then she said, our Royal body is ready for thee, and ah wasn't about to say NO to a Princess so ah...well... you know..." Mac said with a weak smile. "Jeez... That escalated quickly... I don't know if I could have handled that! At least she was straight forward about what she wanted..." Flash said with a chuckle. "Eeyup! Ever since that season we've been in this weird back and forth relation..."

*ZAP*

We appeared in the room suddenly, huh... This teleporting thing isn't so bad...scratch that I'm about to throw up my fucking guts! If it wasn't for Celestia, there would have been a very nasty mess on the floor. "I told you to brace yourself..." She scolded as she desposed of my chunks in a nearby trash bin. "I'll let you know when I figure out a way to brace my fucking stomach..." I said sarcastically.

Mac and Flash sat there staring at us wide eyed Mac appeared done with his procedure and it looked like they were only waiting around the hospital for us. "So..." Mac started. "Do you mind explaining why you two rushed into the bathroom after DJ..." Flash said, " Then suddenly Appearin outta nowhere with a random Pegasi? " Mac finished as they looked at the mares for an explanation. "Well to put it simply, we left to FIND Derrick and we came Back WITH Derrick..." Celestia said with a nervous smile. That was when they started to stare at me, they looked like their brains blue screened.

" So he's...that's...you're...DJ?" Flash finally said. "Yep..." I said with a nervous smile. Both of them slowly stood up and walked over to me, they examined my new form (thankfully not as intrusive and thorough as Twilight did), after looking me over there was only one question on they're minds.

"How?"

Celestia basically just gave them the whole run down on her and Twilight feeling a "Huge impulse of magic" inside the bathroom, then them seeing me run away as a pony. She also explained the whole chaos magic thing to them and how I could manipulate my appearance and shit. "Neat... So how long will you be like this?" Flash asked, I looked over to him with uncertainty.

"Well I think it's timed depending on how much magic I use..." I said with a shrug.

"Judging from the amount magic you used, its going to be quite some time..." Celestia added.

"Why did ya do this exactly?" Mac asked as he pointed to me.

" To blend in?" I replied with a shrug.

"Well this might work for the crowds but what are we going to Tell everypony that already met human Derrick?" Flash said as he rubbed his chin, he was kinda right. While I was in this form people would be wondering where the hell I was and who this new pony was.

" You're right flash... What do we say to ponyville assuming I go back there? "I say that because I was probably going back there and everyone there saw me at that party, and rumors probably spread already... "Maybe we could say you went back to your world?" Mac suggested. "Nah I'm sticking around for a while, so when this wears off they'll start asking questions..." I said with a shake of my head. "Maybe just say you stayed at the castle?" Twilight said, hmm... That could work... " Yeah human me is sitting in some random room undisturbed " I said with a grin.

"OK but what about the pony you?" Flash said, we sat in thought for a while until Princess Celestia decided to add her 2 cents. "Normally I would tell you to simply tell the truth, but some may try to harm or use you if your Chaos magic abilities became common knowledge..." She said with some regret. " I suggest only telling close friends the truth about you..." She said. I kinda just went Meh, "I don't have friends and I don't need any..." I said waving that issue off. The Princess seemed disturbed about my answer as did Twilight.

"How can you say that? You honestly think you'll be fine with no friends? What kind of life is that!?" Twilight scolded. "Hey I don't need to be friends with everyone to live happily..." I said with a chuckle. Then Twilight got all puffy eyed, Flash and Mac rolled their eyes like " here we go". Twilight sniffled, "I thought I was your friend DJ..." She said sadly, oh for God's sake...

"Uh I didn't mean to... er...you're my friend I guess..." I said nervously, in an attempt to calm her down. She proceeded to smile and it made a fucking "Sqee" sound, I swear... Adding that to the list... Wait... Is it already on the list? I should really write this shit down one day... Then again if Twilight, Pinkie, Celestia, Luna, Rainbow, and Rarity somehow find it they'll be angry with me, especially Luna... A lot of shit on her...

"Seriously though anyone I remotely consider a friend is already in this room..." I stated, they all seemed to brighten up slightly at my comment, except Celestia who looked troubled still. "Such a bold statement... Friendship is a very wonderful thing that is important for everypony to have in they're lives, are you really going to limit yourself to only to 4 potential friends?" Celestia asked, she gazed at me concerned.

"Yup... I'm not obligated to make nice with random ponies, especially since I haven't even been here for 48 hours..." I said with a shrug, while there were some that I liked more than others I still wasent sure if they were really friend material. Celestia then looked at me with a mischievous smile, oh shit what is she planning?

"What if... I made that your obligation?" She said, my eyes turned to pinpricks as Twilight turned to her. "What if you made what his obligation?" She asked curiously. "Discovering the importance and power of friendship, by going out and meeting a variety of new ponies in ponyville..." Celestia said, her smile widening as the idea came together in her head, I guess this is my fitting punishment...I think I'd rather take the dungeon...

" He could stay with me... We would be studying the same thing, and I could secretly help him with his magic... " Twilight added as this new "obligation" started to form, does Celestia seriously have Twilight studying friendship? Instead of teaching her how to be a all powerful, badass, supermodel that raises the sun? Sigh... And of course I'm rooming with her now, which means I have to deal with Her AND spike! If I'm to stay sane I'm going to have to befriend them... So that's 2 already.

"And he would do this as this new pony persona of himself. where he would essentially have a new leash on life..." Flash added, what you too? You're supposed to be on my side helping me escape this bullshit! You're cut from the friends list bud. I then turned to Mac, I was half expecting him to add more to this crap too but he simply shrugged his shoulders and said nothing, ah good old Mac... I think that's friend number 3!

"Derrick would be an odd name for a pony... Perhaps you should come up with a name more fitting for a pony." Celestia pointed out. I thought for a second, hmmm... The trend seems to be 2 words that center around what a pony does... But considering all I used to do as a human was game I don't think that would apply here that much... Meh let me go generic...

" Drift Jolt" I muttered, not really caring at that point, I basically took the initials DJ (because fuck finding a word for Y) and pulled 2 words related to flying and weather out of my ass.

"Not bad I guess..." Flash said with a nod, coming from him, of course my name would sound decent.

"Eeyup!" Mac said with another shrug.

"Hm... I like it!" Twilight said with a smile.

"Yes! it's a Very fitting name!" Celestia said in agreement as she pointed to my cutie mark, it was a tornado with a lightning bolt across it or something, meh I don't care as long as its not something fruity.

"Twilight you said cutie markes represent your talent right?" I asked, she nodded in conformation. "OK so what the fuck does a tornado with a lightning bolt across it mean?" I asked as I stared at it. "Well you are a special case, because most ponies know what they're mark means when they get it..." Twilight said with a nervous shrug. I sighed in annoyance, now I have to figure this out?

"Perhaps you could start off as a weather pony since they make tornadoes and lightning?" Celestia suggested. I got kinda excited because it would be cool to make a tornado or shoot Lightning.

"Yeah! We can ask Rainbow dash for a spot on the ponyville team when we get back! She is the captain after all!" Twilight said cheerfully, wait Rainbow dash? Ugh... Her ego is bigger than Luna's ass, why do I have to deal with her? What's worse is she'll be my boss too... She'll probably order me to stroke her ego or barf rainbows or something like that.

"Applejack and ah will always have work for ya at the farm if you like..." Mac said, hmm can't be too hard... And I get along with his sister too... "Don't forget, Luna and I will have tasks for you as well!" Celestia reminded, heh yeah I'm coming to YOU not Luna... Fuck her and her ink stain plot.

"You could even join the Royal guard now that you're a pony!" Flash suggested, maybe... As long as I get custom armor because I don't like this roman, centurion, whatever style. "I'll keep those jobs in mind, thanks guys..." I muttered, I actually appreciated this because I want to start getting income then maybe I could buy a house before the season and lock myself in it along with any other bro's that want to escape like Mac.

Twilight brought up another important thing "You're going to have to start talking like a pony. Everypony instead of everyone, nopony instead of nobody, and er..." "Buck instead of fuck..." Flash finished for her with a chuckle making Celestia giggle.

"OK I'll work on that..." I said with a roll of my eyes.

"You can now consider yourself my student, until you learn the value of friendship!" Celestia announced. I just nodded slowly, if she calls me her faithful student I'll jump off a bridge. " As such you will be expected to report to me daily on your findings on friendship! " Celestia added.

"Wat?" I said blankly. "What the hell do you want me to write? Oh I learned that Twilight talks to damn much?" I said sarcastically making everyone laugh except Twilight who snorted angrily. " For now I will leave that up to your discretion, Twilight can help you if you need assistance." She said. " Fuck my life... " I said aloud as I face hoofed. "You mean buck my life..." Flash corrected," Don't bucking push me sentry..." I said sternly, everyone just laughed at my anger , I just snorted angrily and cursed under my breath. Eventually I calmed down and we continued, "OK it's settled... I'm assuming word of me being a pony won't leave this room?" I asked for confirmation, they all nodded in response. "Alright then when do we leave for ponyville?" Twilight asked to no one in particular.

"Does tonight sound good?" Celestia asked, everyone nodded. It was at that moment that my hunger kicked in and my stomach growled. "Splendid! If everypony is done here Derrick and I...er I mean Drift Jolt, well be taking our leave..." Celestia said as she walked to the door, oh yeah lunch... Fuck yes! "Yeah I'm gonna go back to ma room until it's time to go back ta ponyville..." Mac said with a yawn, as he stepped to the door as well.

"I was going to check one of Canterlot's book stores to see if they have anything interesting before I visit the royal archives, Flash if your not doing anything do you want to come?" Twilight asked kindly. The speed at which he replied with a "YES!" was very disturbing, we all raised our brows suspiciously, but Twilight didn't seem to notice...

With that we all walked out of the room, exited the hospital, waved and proceeded our separate ways. Now that it was just me and Celestia I turned to her. "So... What now?" I asked as I stretched.

"Well... I always keep my word... So I'm taking you on a tour and treating you the lunch I promised..." Celestia said simply, ugh that doesn't sound right coming from a girl... I need a job ASAP. My stomach cried out to me again and I cringed.

"Uh... Is it OK if we skip the tour and go straight to lunch? I'm kinda starving..." I said nervously. Celestia sighed in relief, "I was hoping you'd say that... I don't recall eating breakfast...", well I guess that saves time, I didn't eat breakfast either and I must have thrown up anything that was left over from yesterday.

" Alright where are we eating? " I asked, I didn't know what pony food was like besides all the sweets I had yesterday, so this should be interesting.

"Well I had a few places in mind, we could go back to the castle and have the royal chef make us something..." She said. I just nodded, I'm assuming that Celestia has a good cook so that could be an option, but I feel like we should eat out instead because we all might end up having dinner together later anyways. I shrugged and said "Nah..." As a cue for Celestia to continue, she seemed to agree with me on eating out at least. "There are also several Restaurants in canterlot that we can go too..." She said, OK that's a good option, there's probably plenty of variety. "Lastly there are also several picnic spots that I like to go too sometimes...", Yeah fuck that... That's way too personal for me... It would be way too awkward... Especially since I'm a stallion now and we'd be alone...

" Alright... What kind of restaurants? " I asked with a raised brow, Celestia seemed slightly disappointed I didn't go with the picnic idea. " Well... there are a few nice restaurants close by, the prancing pony is just over there, shall we go?" She asked as she pointed to a place a few blocks away. "Sure whatever..." I responded. "Splendid! I'm absolutely famished!" she said as she walked towards the place at a brisk pace. "Wait up!" I yelled after her as I tried to gallop next to her.

OK... So The Princess is going to a resteruant with that stallion... Who is that guy anyway? And where is that human at? Hmm... maybe the human stayed behind somewhere? Well whatever it is, it can wait a few minutes. I have another group to check on...

"Hey! What are you doing on my roof?" A random citizen yelled from the ground. I jumped down from the low overhang and landed next to him. "No need to worry Citizen, Royal Guard business..." I said to dismiss him. "What? Your not a guard! Where's your fancy armor then?" The stallion questioned suspiciously, sigh... "It is not required for this assignment, I'll be leaving now..." I said quickly as I ran in the direction that Twilight and Flash went. The stallion tried to say something else but I was already gone.

Now I remember Twilight saying something about visiting the book store... That's about a block away from here. So I jogged up to a place that had a large sign with a book and the name "Sweet Reads", I looked in the window and sure enough, I saw Twilight and Flash inside browsing the various shelves. Twilight was zipping around excitedly while Flash awkwardly followed behind carrying a huge stack of books on his back, heh... Poor guy... Never go with Twilight to a book store.

I took a deep breath and walked in, I was going to have to make this quick because I still need to watch out for that human. " SENTRY! " I yelled as I walked up to them, I startled him and he ended up dropping all the books clumsy, sigh... Typical Flash. he quickly snapped to attention and saluted. "Captain armor uh... sir! I wasn't expecting you..." Flash said as he shook nervously. Twilight's ear twitched when she heard my name and she turned around, when she saw me her face brightened up. "Shiny?" She said as a smile grew on her face. "Hey Twily!" I said with a smile and she ran up to me cheerfully. We Nuzzled and I cleared my throat to talk to flash.

"Sentry I have an assignment for you..." I said, hiding my mischievous grin behind a hoof. "Sir?" "There are some papers on my desk that need filing and you're the pony who's going to do them!" I ordered. Twilight's smile faded slightly, and Flash looked downcast for a moment before straightening up a again. "Yes sir I'll get on it right away!" He said with that Royal Guard nobility. He trotted to the door and opened it, he turned back to Twilight before he left. "I guess I'll see you later Twilight?" He asked hopefully, making me frown. Twilight just gave him a warm smile and nodded. Flash smirked and gave a quick salute before leaving and taking off Towards the castle. Twilight caught me frowning and she narrowed her eyes.

"You could have had ANYPONY do those papers for you..." She said pointing an accusing hoof at me. I smiled nervously and rubbed the back of my neck. "Well I...uh...I'm.." I stammered. " An over protective brother?" She said with a deadpan expression. "I haven't seen you in months and now you show up randomly as captain of the Royal Guard and chase my friend away?" She said, taking an angry step toward me, uh oh... "I've had my hoofs full...and I was just trying to protect you!" I said nervously in my defense. Twilight just snorted angrily and tried to change the subject.

"So what brought you here besides chasing stallions away?" She asked in an attempt to relieve the tension. I probably shouldn't tell her this... But... "Oh I was just looking for that human, I got word that he was with Princess Celestia but nobody was with her except for this random Pegasus..." I said with a shrug, Twilight's eyes seemed to widen slightly and she smiled nervously. I narrowed my eyes, I know somethings up...

"Do you know where the human is?" I asked, Twilight shook her head vigorously. I gave her a stern look. "Don't lie to me Twily..." She held her nervous smile for a few moments before she sighed and lowered her head in defeat. "OK... I'll tell you what's going on... Promise not to tell anypony?" She pleaded. "You have my word!" I said as I gave a reassuring nod. She looked around to make sure nopony was near and she started whispering in my ear.

...

I left the library feeling somewhat confused, it took me a while to believe her about the chaos magic thing, but based on what Twilight told me I now had to look for somepony else entirely, well... Sort of... I already saw the guy! I was now looking for a Pegasus named "Drift Jolt" and he was having lunch with the Princess of the sun.

We were seated quite quickly in what I assumed was a slightly upscale restaurant, all the waiters in this place were nervous and twitchy but not because of me but because of Princess Celestia. When we initially walked in it was like the whole place froze, because all the ponies bowed immediately when they saw us enter, thankfully I was a pony so I didn't get any second glances, so far...

They seated us at this table in the center of the restaurant, probably a VIP table of some sorts. Thankfully it was far enough so that none of the ponies could hear what we're saying. After we sat I looked around at the other tables, there were a lot of mares wearing fancy clothing, some of them accompanied by stallions wearing Tuxedos. Luckily they were all mostly staring in awe at The Princess at the moment instead of looking at me. I looked back to Celestia and she was staring at me, I guess she was waiting for me to say something.

"Is it like this every time you come here?" I asked with a whisper. "Not really, I haven't actually been to this particular establishment before... But Ponies in canterlot are more used to seeing me around. They're behavior might be because you're here..." Celestia said sheepishly. "Me? I'm just a regular guy..." I said in disbelief as I looked back to the surrounding tables. They were now over the initial shock of the Princess being here and now they were all staring at ME! Right... They're wondering "Why is that guy having lunch with the Princess?". I tried to ignore them and I started with simple small talk while we waited for a waiter who was brave enough to serve us.

"So...uh... Tell me about yourself Princess... " I said nervously as I tried to focus on her instead of the surrounding ponies. "Well I'm not that interesting..." She said with a giggle, oh don't be fucking modest! you can control the sun for fuck's sake!

"Well as you know I am the Co ruler of equestria, and one of my duties is to Raise the sun..." She said. I was trying my best to listen but it was hard when all the dudes were glaring daggers at you because you're eating lunch with what I assume was one of the hottest mares in Equestria. Some of the mares looked jealous too, I guess my pony form is just as attractive as my human form if not more, because they glared at Celestia angrily. The Princess didn't seem to notice as she was too busy talking. She was talking about some of her achievements. Saying they were impressive would be an understatement she talked about how she defeated an entire invading army by herself, and how she dethroned and imprisoned the sprit of disharmony (with Luna's help) and how she virtually wiped out crime across Equestria, so yeah pretty major shit.

"Oh but that was Hundreds of years ago..." She said dismissing her crazy feats like they were nothing. "WHAT?" I yelled, all the ponies around us just gave me a strange look but I didn't care at the moment. "Did you say...Hundreds of years ago?" I said with narrowed eyes. "Yes, and my sister and I defeated Discord some 2000 years ago..." She said with a grin. I wrinkled my nose...err... muzzle a few times before I promptly slammed my forhead onto the table.

"Ar...are you OK?" Celestia asked sheepishly. "Yeah... just give me a minute..." I said, my head still slammed against the table. Celestia just giggled at my reaction. It all fucking makes sense now, her ponies worship her like a fucking god because she basically is one! That explains why she's been alive that long without looking like granny smith or becoming a pile of dust, she looks like a super model still, probably because of the Alicorn thing, I don't dare ask her her exact age or I'll probably go insane. I heard someone walking up to us and I raised my head to see one of the waiter ponies. She was a mare with fancy curly hair and she looked nervous.

"Uh...good evening Princess... And er...guest... I'll give you a few minutes with our menus..." The pony stammered as she plopped the "prancing pony" menu on the table and she retreated toward the kitchen area. "Hey! you only left us one menu...ugh... Nevermind..." I said as I slammed my head down again, good thing I'm not a unicorn or I would be poking holes in the table. "Quite the selection here..." Celestia said as she giggled at my expense. "Do you want anything in particular?" She asked as she studied the menu.

"Is there any beef?" I blurted and I quickly covered my mouth, way to go DJ... Celestia gave me this odd sideways glance that shifted to deadpan. "No...they don't have...beef..." She said plainly as she shook her head. "Yeah...uh humans eat..." I tried to explain but she interrupted. "I am well aware that you are an omnivore..." She said with a weak smile. "Wait how did you know?" I asked curiously, I don't remember telling anybody that. "Well it was quite obvious when I noticed you had canines aswell as flat teeth in the back..." Celestia explained with a bored expression, there must be other meat eaters in equestria because she doesn't seem that bothered by it.

"Oh...well what are you getting?" I asked with a sigh, the looks of lust are getting on my nerves, I could feel all the peeks that the ponies were taking, if I looked at them they pretended they weren't staring at me, I guess they think they're slick. The worst part was the Princess didn't seem to notice... Or maybe she didn't care. "Well I'm getting a Hay sandwich with Hay fries and some Cake, nothing fancy..." Celestia shrugged. "Oh as well as some Tea!" She added with a giggle, ugh fuck... Not her too!

"I straightened up in my chair and stared at Celestia, she looked puzzled. " Is something wrong? " she asked innocently. Yes there is something fucking wrong, how the fuck am I supposed to eat hay?! "Humans don't eat Hay. They can't digest it..." I explained. "Hmm...that may be true but you're not a human at the moment..." Celestia said with a deadpan expression. "Right forgot about that...but..."

"But?"

"Maybe I can eat hay now but what happens if I turn back into a human? The hay would probably screw up my stomach then?" I question.

"Well I'm pretty sure by the time your transformation expires, the food would have already been digested so there is no need to worry..." She stated firmly.

"Oh...forgot it... I'll have the same thing you're having..." I said with a sigh, Celestia smiled smugly and placed the menu down.

"Oh yeah but I'll have coffee or something not tea" I said with distaste. Celestia looked at me like I was insane. "You're not getting tea?" She asked in confusion. "Hell no I'm not getting tea! I hate that stuff!" I said with a disgust. "You don't like TEA? Everypony likes TEA!" The Princess said, her voice loud so everyone looked, like I committed a sin or something. "Oh my god Twilight said the same thing!" I said as I slammed my forhead on the table again. Celestia looked at me differently now.

"Hey in case you forgot I've only been a pony for less than an hour... MOST Tea just makes me sick to my stomach..." I said truthfully. "True...ah well at least you like some teas..." She said with relief. "What kind doesn't make you sick?" She asked. "Well its mostly those herbal teas I hate, I'm all for those sweet fruity ones!" I said with a smile. "But I'm still more of a coffee guy" I reminded. Celestia seemed to shudder when I said that. "I'm not very fond of coffee to be honest, Twilight sparkle often uses it to stay up when she studies all night, it's a bad habit of hers..." Celestia admitted with a giggle.

"Why am I not surprised... Looks like Twilight will be up by herself mostly because I'm not planning to go on a study binge at 3 AM in the damn morning..." I said with a chuckle, I heard Celestia's musical laughter as she nodded in agreement. I saw that pony waiter from earlier finally decided to emerge from the kitchen to take our fucking order. She nervously trotted back to us with a notepad.

"What will you and your...guest be having your Highness?" She asked, wobbling. While the Princess told the waiter mare our order, I turned around. There that guy was AGAIN! This whole time there's been this white unicorn with blue hair that's been hiding behind a newspaper and scowling at me a few tables away, what's this guys deal? OK I'm tired of this shit!

When the waiter hobbled off again I quickly turned back to Celestia and whispered. "Hey do you still want to do that picnic thing?" I asked nervously. The Princess seemed to visably brighten up a shade. "Yes that would be nice... Why do you ask?" She said with a raised brow. "Well I kinda changed my mind... The atmosphere here is too...hostile for me..." I said, tapping my hoofs together nervously. Celestia finally looked around and she caught some of the jealous glimpses. She bit her lip and turned back to me.

"I see...we can have the food to go and have our lunch privately..." She said as she saw my discomfort. "Just you and me?" I ask, now more comfortable with the idea. "Just you and I..." Celestia repeated reassuringly.

" OK cool let's ditch this circle jerk! " I said standing out of the chair quickly.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing..." I said as we waited for the waiter to come back so we could pay and leave.

Notes: Sorry this took so long, I wasn't able to work on this for like a solid 3 days because of family annoyances. Well I have a little treat! If I can get it working properly on fimfiction I am including a picture of pony DJ using pony creator! (I think I'll include a pic of his cutie mark too.

Anyway after the next chapter or two I should be going into the main episodic part of the fanfic. I called it the misadventures of DJ so once everything is established and the stage is set each act will be a new misadventure. Some will be longer than others and some will have action in them, some might even be written in a way where each could be a mini standalone story. Some of them will be alternative episodes and events from the show and some will be complety original. Others might even follow somepony else's POV entirely, while others may take place in 3rd person. These misadventures will range from action/adventure, to more romantic and feely stories with suggestive themes (no clop) as well as some that have a darker tone to them. In general I'll try to keep it light hearted and funny throughout. I also plan to do slight crossovers (you'll see what I mean whenever the first one comes up).

A few things: i would greatly appreciate it if one of you talanted artists decided to grace my story with nice fan art! It doesn't have to be anything specific as long as DJ is on it, though if I had to choose I would do something like Having the mane 6 plus the Princesses and spike surrounding him as a piny and he has a nervous smile,then his shadow would be of his human form. I would do it but things never turn out as good as I'm my head...

Also it would be nice if someone volunteerd to be my Beta/editor to hell me fix these errors an stuff.


	7. Act 2 part 2

Act 2 part 2: a few new muzzles

I watched them take the food and rush out of the restaurant, everypony mumbled amongst themselves as they left, probably gossiping and what not. The only reason Princess Celestia didn't spot me was because I lowered my magic level below detection, otherwise she would have known I was here immediately. The human saw through my clever act of spying, and he's taking the Princess somewhere alone... who does he think he is? I'm glad Princess Luna gave me this mission, I personally get to capture the human the very moment he tries something funny. Ohhhhhh boy! I'm looking forward to this!

I better follow them and find out where they're going next, I couldn't hear exactly what they were saying. But from what I can tell, this human was trying to sweet talk the Princess, because she was giggling the entire time. He was also slamming his head against the table a few times, yeah... Not sure what THAT was about, I guess the Princess told him something pretty extraordinary for him to do that.

All I know is whatever this human is planning, I'll be there to stop it!

"Where are we headed Princess Celestia?" I asked as we left that god forsaken restaurant. The Princess held her hoof up "One moment please... " she said as she concentrated on the boxes that contained our lunch. She closed her eyes for a brief second and they disappeared in a flash of light.

I deadpanned and stared at her "Um... Why did you teleport our food?"

"I didn't teleport it, I simply broke down the food's molecular structure for easy storage and transport..." Celestia explained. "Where does it all actually go? You know what fuck it, I'll go insane trying to figure magic out..." I said as I waved it off angrily. Celestia giggled at my frustration as she began to walk and I followed.

"As I was saying... where are we going?" I asked again, "Well... I have one particular spot in mind..." Celestia said with a smile. I just shrugged and followed her. We didn't say much for a while as we passed the front gate to Canterlot again and walked onto one of the hills outside the city. I recognized the spot and I deadpanned and stopped walking, the Princess turned to me curiously.

"We were just here Princess..." I said flatly, she giggled and shook her head. "This isn't the spot Derrick, the spot is up there!" She said as she pointed to a nearby mountain top, where there was a cloud floating close enough to touch. I looked from her to the spot and back a few times, with confusion.

"How the fuck are we supposed to get up there?" I finally asked. Celestia just smiled at me and said nothing. Suddenly her wings spread open, oh right... She has those... Then she gestured to me, oh right I have those too...

My wings twitched slightly as I tried opening them, they barely budged. My wings felt really tingly and strange, because I've never used them before I guess. "This is great and all, but I don't know how to fly..." I said as I sat down. "And that is why I must teach you! You won't be a convincing pegasus if you can't fly!" Celestia said with a giggle as she walked over to me and inspected my wings.

"Oh..." She said as she looked at them in awe. I quickly turned to her. "What? Is something wrong?" I ask as I glared at my wings nervously. The Princess giggled behind her hoof "Oh no... It's just your wings are... Quite muscular..." She complimented, it made me feel a bit uneasy for some reason.

"With proper training you could become quite an impressive flyer with a set of wings like this!" She said reassuringly. After a few awkward moments of her staring at my "muscular" wings, she seemed like she was stuck in a trance, I cleared my throat and she quickly snapped out of it and smiled nervously, I just rolled my eyes, stop fucking with me Celestia...

"I'm only going to teach you the basics for now. While you're in Ponyville, Twilight's friend Rainbow Dash could perhaps teach you more advanced techniques." She said as she inspected my wings closely. "Alright let's get on with it then..." I muttered.

"Now, you will need to position your wings flat, to insure a good take off..." She said as she angled her wings parallel to the ground "like this" she said. I struggled with the fine muscle control, I just couldn't get them the way I wanted. "Here I will assist you..." She said in that kind motherly tone of hers. She reached her hoofs out gently and positioned my wings for me, her hoofs were kind of hot to the touch despite those cold gold slippers she had on. After she positioned them, she took a step back.

"Now I want you to flap your wings once... GENTLY" She instructed. "Alright... I got this..." I said confidentiality as I slowly raised my wings. "Gently..." I said. "Yes just flap your wings..."

*FOOSH*

I ended up 20 feet in the air where I immediately panicked and ended up slamming into the ground face first.

"...gently..." Celestia finished, her ears drooped and she had a disappointed expression. "I'm...OK..." I grunted as I stood up and rubbed my head.

"You didn't do it gently..." Celestia stated innocently.

"Yeah no shit..." I grumbled in frustration, Celestia just snickerd behind her hoof as I angrily dusted myself off. "Just try again...but be gent..." "I know!" I interrupted as I put my wings in the ready position. Celestia lightly flapped her wings to demonstrate, she gracefully floated in the air about a foot off the ground, a moment later she landed. "See? It's quite simple really! You just have to be gent..." "Stop saying that!" I snapped, only making Celestia smile smugly.

I tried to flap my wings again and I ended up only 10 feet off the ground this time, I staggered as I landed but at least I was on my feet...er, hoofs this time.

Celestia nodded in approval "Splendid! Now on to the next technique!" She said cheerfully. She proceeded to show me how to hover, glide and eventually after a few falls it was time to fly.

"Ok when you're ready..." Celestia said with a nod. I took a deep breath and we took off into the air, flying wasn't too hard now, it's just you had to angle your wings depending on the flow of the air so you don't go out of control. I was still a beginner though so Celestia flew at my pace next me. "When you feel confident enough, you can try going faster..." Celestia said with a reassuring smile. I decided it was time to take the training wheels off.

With a confident smile I surged forward really fast, leaving the Princess behind in confusion. Eventually I soared straight up into the air, somehow tackling a cloud out of existence. "Woohoo!" I shouted as I did a few loops in the air. In case you haven't noticed, I was enjoying myself a lot... Until I looked down of course, and remembered my fear of heights. I started to panic, hyperventilating and my wings started to lock up on me, and as if this situation couldn't get worse the pony spell decided to expire at THAT exact moment!

I hung in the air for a moment, probably because physics here are lazy, before I started to fall to my death. "FUUUUUUU..." I yelled as I fell. I suddenly stopped in midair, there was that familiar golden glow as I was suspended a few hundred feet above the ground. Suddenly Celestia appears floating down leisurely on a cloud.

"Hmm...I trust you enjoyed yourself before...falling?" She asked sheepishly. All I could say was "PUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWN!" So she hopped off the cloud and we gently floated down to the ground.

Celestia looked both concerned and amused at the same time. "Gosh... That's quite the fear of heights..." She said as she watched me hyperventilate and shake uncontrollably. After a minute of that I was able to speak "Thanks...you're... A...lifesaver! " I said with a weak smile. Celestia beamed happily (I swear she actually got brighter...literally...) "You're welcome Derrick! I would never let ANYTHING happen to you..." She said in a motherly tone, which calmed me down even more, i was stuck between feeling safe, and fearing her immense magical power.

"Hey wait a second... How did you catch up with me anyway? I left you in the dust!" I asked suspiciously. Celestia started to snicker behind her hoof "That's what you think... I was only a few feet behind you the entire time!" she said with a grin, "Huh...guess I was in the zone..." I said, I'm a bit disappointed because I thought I was actually going fast... Or maybe I was, and Celestia is just fast too so it doesn't seem like I'm fast and... Never mind.

She then got a perplexed expression, "Derrick I must know... Why would you choose to be a pegasus when you have such an intense fear of heights?" she asked. I stood up and stretched, "Well... despite my extreme fear of heights, I've always thought that it would be cool to have the ability to fly, so I saw this as my chance to conquer my fear of height's I guess..." I explained with a shrug. "Well it seems that only worked partially... And you transformed back so soon... Perhaps the transformation expires early when you are stressed?" She said with a smirk. "Or maybe it doesn't even run on a timer..." I said with realization, if that was the case, then I would have turned back when Celestia was chasing me, because I was definitely stressed during that crap.

Celestia thought for a moment before nodding in agreement. Well I'm human again, and boy did I miss those thumbs! I was about to talk when I froze. I remembered something, something REALLY important! When I transformed back into a human all my stuff came back with me, which means I was hundreds of feet in the air and I probably dropped something. Most of it I didn't care too much for but the main thing I was concerned about was my PHONE. I had important stuff on it, and it's the only electronic entertainment I have, and unless I can summon phones at will, I won't be getting another if something happens to it.

So I quickly checked my pocket and felt around desperately for it. I sighed in relief when I found it in my pocket completely intact. Unfortunately I forgot who I was standing with, because I looked up to see a very intrigued Celestia.

"What's that?" She asked, gesturing to my phone. I smiled nervously and stuffed it back in my pockets, "Uh, it's nothing..." I assured. Celestia stepped closer to me and narrowed her eyes, yeah she doesn't believe that shit...

"Oh I highly doubt that, because you seemed quite concerned that you misplaced it..." She said suspiciously. I kinda just looked back to her before sighing in defeat and folding my arms In front of me. "It's...complicated... " I said as I looked away nervously all she did was raise her brow slightly and wait for an answer.

"Alright...it's called a cellphone..." I said as I pulled it back out to show her and she leaned closer. "This is a multipurpose human communication device..." I explained. She tilted her head slightly, "How many purposes exactly?" She wondered. "I don't know hundreds, maybe thousands..." I said with a shrug, thinking of all the little things Smartphones can do. Celestia nodded, "Impressive! How exactly does one communicate with this...device?" She asked.

"Well there are two main ways, calling and texting..." I explained. "What is...calling?" She asked curiously. "Well picture how me and you are talking to each other right now, you can basically do that with a phone but at longer distances..." I said. Celestia thought for a moment, "So essentially, we can hear each other's voices and talk with device?" She asked for conformation. "Yep!" I said with a grin "Fascinating!" She said as she stared at my phone in awe. "So what is...texting?" She asked.

"It's basically like how you and Twilight send letters to each other, except the messages just pop up on the screen and no paper is used..." I explained as I tapped my phone. "Wow... This sounds extremely convenient!" She said with fascination, "What else can it do?" She asked. "Well you can play music, watch movies, read books, browse the internet, take pictures and videos, keep time, and calculate things to name a few.." I muttered casually. Celestia seemed to understand...partially. "It can really do all that and more? And what is the Internet? How does it store music without records? How can it..." She started but I interrupted, explaining all that shit would take forever. "Listen Princess... I know you're curious and all, but I wasn't lying when I said it was COMPLICATED. I could be here explaining what the internet is for DAYS. Not to mention there's a lot I don't know about it, I just know how to use it..." I said with an annoyed sigh. The Princess looked slightly downcast at that but she nodded. "I could probably show you some of the stuff it can do while we eat or something..." I said with a shrug, that seemed to cheer her up a bit, I guess we could watch a movie or something, I could spare some battery life I guess...

"The Picnic spot I had in mind was on top of that cloud." She said as she pointed to the cloud that was floating near a mountain cliff from earlier. "Alright I'll try and transform again." I said as I focused on my pony self again. I suddenly stopped in the middle of it when I thought of something. We said earlier that this might not be timed. So I started to do a bunch of quick transformations to see if I could switch back and forth at will. "What are you doing?" Celestia asked, looking puzzled as I transformed back and forth. "Trying to see if I can turn this on and off at will instead of being on a timer.." I explained.

After a few minutes of trying I finally got it to the point where I could pretty much transform back and forth at will, from what I can tell at least. "Most impressive, Derrick! Now your assignment in Ponyville will be easier... " Celestia said. "I know right? I want to try something else too..." I said as I turned back into a human again. "What are you going to...oh..." Celestia said as she observed.

Basically I turned my pegasus self into an Earth pony. I was a little more built and slightly taller in this form; I had nothing on Mac though. "What do you think? I feel a little tougher like this!" I said with a smirk as she nodded slowly, "Very nice!" The Princess said with a nod of approval. I tried doing another transformation. With a flash of light I transformed into a Unicorn version of myself. This form was slimmer than my Pegasus and Earth pony forms. "Well that works too... My magic feels stronger now..." I said as I levitated a nearby bolder with ease. "Perhaps changing form augments your ability?" Celestia hypothesized. "Yeah that could come in handy, maybe if I pretend to be multiple people I can get a larger variety of jobs as all 3 pony races. I just have to come up with names for my forms...

"Hmm...that's all of them right?" I muttered as I returned to my human form. I looked back at Celestia and an idea popped into my head, I started to smirk mischievously. "Well... there's ONE more transformation I haven't tried yet..." I said slowly as I grinned at Celestia, she raised her eyebrow then started to laugh. "Oh don't be silly Derrick... you can't transform into an ALICORN!" She said in disbelief. I stared her right in the eye and she stopped laughing slowly. "Wanna bet?" I said with a sly smile, Celestia returned the sly smile and stared back at me, "50 bits" she said as she narrowed her eyes. I scoffed, I didn't know the value of their money but I think that meal cost somewhere between 10 and 20. "Oh come on... the glorious co-ruler of Equestria can do better than that!" I teased. Celestia's eye twitched and she kept her confident smile.

"100"

"Heh... You don't sound very confident Princess..." I teased again.

"150" she said with a frown...

"300" I said with a yawn.

"250 take it or leave it!" She said sternly.

"Deal!" I said with a cocky grin, it seems Celestia can't resist a bet, unfortunately if I lose I'm going to have to get a job sooner than I expected.

"Welp prepare to lose your damn money!" I said confidently, Celestia just scoffed and rolled her eyes, as I rubbed my hands together. I concentrated and started to glow blindingly. Some seconds went by and I began to feel drained, apparently this transformation took more effort than the others. Eventually a pulse of magic bursted out and I was covered in blinding light. Celestia had to shield her eyes, "I told you that you couldn't..." Celestia paused when the light faded.

"Wow Celestia you got a lot shorter!" I muttered sarcastically as I looked down on her from my new height. I was now a few inches taller than her, giving her a victories smirk. She looked up at me nervously, she was flushed and her ears were drooped. I guess she's never had to look UP at anyone before, seeing her like this is priceless! "Well... That's...an interesting transformation..." She said nervously. "Heh... Looks like you owe me 250 bucks... Er I mean bits!" I said with a mischievous grin. I tried taking a step forward but I was feeling woozy, so I stumbled. "Man... Transforming into this took a lot of effort..." I said in a daze as I fell over.

Luckily Celestia was there to keep me from falling over. "Thanks...Princess..." I said, feeling groggy as I leaned on her for support. When I looked down at her she was smiling nervously up at me and her wings were outstretched, uh... Last time she looked like this I was touching... HER HORN! I quickly looked up and sure enough my exceptionally long horn was rubbing against hers. OK this feels REALLY weird... But... Strangely... comforting at the same time... Uh... I should probably move my head...

"HEY!" Someone yelled nearby, wait... Someone else is here! I quickly transformed back into what I considered my base pony form (Pegasus), hopefully they didn't see me as an Alico... "It's too late! I already saw your chaotic magic in action... HUMAN!" The voice said. Well I guess the cat is out of the bag then... I turned back into my human form with a sigh and turned to face the voice.

"Hey you're that jackass who's been following us around!" I yelled as I saw that white Unicorn with the blue hair from earlier. He seemed quite angry with me. Especially after that comment. "What have you done to the Princess?! " the Unicorn yelled as he trotted up to us. "The hell are you talking abo..." I looked over to her and she was COMPLETELY out of it, she looked like she was hypnotized!

"Uh...it was an accident!" I said quickly. The unicorn just stepped closer, glaring daggers at me. "I should have known you would try something! Princess Luna was right!" He muttered. What! LUNA sent this motherfucker after us? Ugh...I swear... I'm going to get her for this... "OK I don't Care who sent you... Just screw off!" I muttered with a wave of my hand as I turned back to Celestia. I snapped my fingers in her face to try and wake her from her trance. "Surrender immediately human!" The Unicorn yelled at me," Yeah whatever dude... " I said as I continued to try and snap Celestia out of her trance, touching horns is some serious shit. "Hey! I'm warning you... I won't be ignored!" The guy yelled as he stepped closer. "Cool story bro..." I said as I tried poking Celestia to get her to move. "Stop ignoring me!" He yelled. I fake sneezed and turned to him," I'm sorry but I'm allergic to your bullshit, so can you kindly fuck off?" I said, turning back.

The guy looked like he was about to explode, "That's...bucking...it..." He muttered as he powered up his magic. Hmm if Luna sent this guy he must be SOMEWHAT important, I should probably pay more attention to what he...too late. I was caught in A pink bubble of magic and suspended in the air, *sigh*... I really hate magic right now...

"What is the meaning of this?!" Celestia suddenly yelled, oh good she's back! The pony suddenly straightened up, "I'm uh...capturing this human?" The guy said carefully. Celestia brought her hoof to her face. "And what may I ask possessed you do do that?" "This human has strange manipulative Powers! He had you completly hypnotized! I HAD to stop him!" The guy said in his defense.

Celestia looked at him with disbelief, " Oh don't be silly...I highly doubt that I was..." "...er...he's actually right Princess... you went totally blank after I turned into an Alicorn..." I interrupted with a nervous smile. "But...but..." The Princess stammered before snorting in angrily. She then glared at me, " This wouldn't have occurred if SOMEPONY watched were he put his horn..." Celestia accused. "Well excuuuuse me Princess! I'm not used to having a 1 and a half foot magical bone coming out of my fucking forehead!" I snapped. She was about to respond but she just gave up and turned back to the other pony.

"OK I can see your reasoning, but I'm sure somepony must have sent you after us..." She said, glaring at him suspiciously. The guy seemed to shrink slightly; he hesitated as he tapped his front hoofs together nervously. "Uh...classified?" The guy said. I should probably tell her that Luna sent him but I want to see this. The Princess took offense to that as she got in the guy's face. "Classified? CLASSIFIED? Don't tell me about classified! I am the co-ruler of Equestria, I know everything that transpires in the country, do not withhold information from me Shining Armor..." She said sternly, wait THAT'S Shining Armor? Honestly I literally expected him to be wearing shining armor... Heh

"Sorry Princess it won't happen again..." Shining said with a salute as a drop of sweat ran down his forehead. "Splendid! Now tell me... Who sent you?" She asked. Shining's ears drooped and he looked away "Princess Luna sent me..." He finally admitted. Celestia backed off and her eyes softened. she huffed in annoyance " I should have known... I'm going to have a long CHAT with my sister later tonight.. "she muttered. OK I'm officially done floating in this fucking bubble.

"OK so now that we know why you're here, could you kindly, oh I don't know... LET ME GO!" I yelled in frustration. Shining cringed "Jeez... This guy has a temper..." He muttered to himself as he released me, only for me to land flat on my damn face.

"Hey! You didn't have to drop me like that you dipshit!" I yelled as I got in his face.

"Well you didn't have to touch the Princess like that!" He shot back.

"I told you it was an accident!" I yelled in annoyance.

"It didn't look like one to me! You enjoyed every second of it!" He said pointing at me accusingly. He's kinda right, I DID enjoy every second of it, I can't describe how amazing it feels to touch horns, but regardless it's still just an accident, I'm not into Celestia like that.

"For the record the Princess enjoyed every second of it too..." I said with a smirk, I could hear the Princess facehoofing in the background.

"That doesn't matter! Princess Luna sent me here to make sure nothing like this happened!" He said with a roll of his eyes.

"Yeah you did a fine job there, Shiny..." I mocked.

"That's CAPTAIN Armor to you human!" He said sternly as he poked me in the stomach, you crossed a line motherfucker...

"Touch me again and I'll rip your horn off and shove it through your skull" I said sternly, then this bitch looked at me in disbelief and he pushed me. "OK Captain Jackass you asked for it!" I yelled as I quickly put him in a tight headlock and pinned him to the ground. He tried to tilt his head and fire lasers at me but I made sure his horn wasn't facing me, so they just scorched the ground uselessly. Not going to lie, this pony is strong! I just barely managed to hold him down, worst of all he might be holding back, that didn't stop my mouth from moving though "Heh I didn't think the Captain of the Royal guard would be such a PUSSY!" I taunted. That must have crossed one of his lines, because Shining responded by teleporting behind me. "I'm going to hurt you now..." He said coldly as he turned and bucked me in the back full force.

OK so remind me to never let a pony buck me again, because i think my spine might be broken. I went flying into a nearby hill. Inside the impact crater I planned my next move. Let's see... If I get up he's just going to blast me with lasers... But wait.. I can fucking fly! I immediately turned into my Pegasus form and rushed through the smoke from my impact. Apparently Shining wasn't ready for me to come from the air because I completely blindsided him. Unfortunately for me, he was in fact, NOT a pussy, so I ended up not doing much damage. He simply turned and blasted me with lasers, and let me tell you... Those things sting like a bitch!

After that I went flying into another hill, when I got up I decided to try some ranged attacks, so i turned into a unicorn and started charging up a laser, if I wasn't I pony right now I would totally be yelling "Kamehameha!" While I fired. I didn't exactly know how powerful the attack was going to be, but I didn't want to end up killing the guy, even though he's a prick...

I released the laser attack; it was a slow moving thick beam of gold. Shining didn't seem to care about it because he just stood in its path. Right when it was a foot away from him, his magic suddenly flared and he quickly brought up a pink shield and the laser bounced off harmlessly into the air. Shining just sat there with a confident grin, while I stared at him and deadpanned.

"Wanna try that again?" he teased.

"Shut up captain cockshiner!" I shouted as I charged another attack.

*ZAP*

*Bounce*

*ZAP*

*Bounce*

*ZAP*

*Bounce*

...

"You're a bitch..." I muttered after giving up on lasers and turning back into a pegasus. Shining said nothing and just made a gesture that comment "Come at me bro!". Shining and I charged at each other. I took a quick glance at Celestia while I charged.

I'm surprised she is even letting this crap happen... What the hell is she even doing? Is she... Writing a letter? What the hell! She sent the letter off and a few mere moments later a response came in. Then suddenly a pink pony Fucking materialized out of nowhere in between Shining and I, no it wasn't Pinkie Pie but I wouldn't be surprised if she could do that without magic. And of course we both ran into her because ponies apparently can't brake for shit. Oddly though, we didn't completely squash the girl, and by that I mean Shining and I got knocked flat on our asses. Who is this bitch anyway?

"Thank you for coming on such short notice... Princess Cadance!" Celestia said happily. So apparently this is the third Alicorn Princess... I think Celestia mentioned her but I was half drunk so I don't remember. Cadance looked at Shining with disappointment; he smiled nervously and tapped his forehoofs together. "Hey...there..honey...I wasn't expecting you to be back so...Early..." He said as his eyes darted around nervously, ha guess he's in trouble with his significant other, heh poor bastard. I'm not going to let this stop me though, even if I have to embarrass him in front of his girl.

"Outta my way Pinky, there's a pussy behind you!" I muttered as I tried pushing past her, unfortunately she didn't budge, because fuck you I'm an Alicorn.

"What did you say?! Oh I dare you to say that to my face!" Shining said angrily "Boys boys boys! Please calm down..." The Cadance said, holding us back with her alicorn strength. When we didn't calm down she started to frown. "I said... CALM DOWN!" She repeated, but this time I saw her horn flash blue, and a second later I suddenly didn't feel like fighting anymore. The same thing seemed to be happening to Shining because the hatred in his face disappeared... Well mostly. "Now that you two are calm, why are you even fighting?" She asked. That was our cue to start yelling at each other incoherently again. About 2 seconds passed before Candace used the calming spell on us again.

"Well it seems you two simply got off on the wrong hoof... Why don't you start over by reintroducing yourselves..." She suggested. "Why? No offense, but I doubt I'll be seeing you two after this encounter..." I stated dryly. Candace shook her head and giggled, "Well Princess Celestia tells me that you will be studying the magic of friendship under her, correct?" She asked. How the hell did she know that? Celestia writes fast as hell I guess. I deadpanned and grumbled to myself, "Yes...don't remind me..." I muttered, Shining snickerd at my misfortune. "And correct me if I'm wrong, but will you not be studying alongside Twilight sparkle?" She said. "Yes..." I muttered again with disdain. "WHAT!" Shining blurted in outrage making all of us jump slightly.

"What's wrong honey?" Candace asked. Shining's eye was twitching, he could barely speak. "Him...Twily...no..." He managed to say. "Jesus Christ what's the big deal?" I said in annoyance. Candace giggled "Well Shining here is Twilight's big brother!" She announced. I think my jaw hit the floor at that point because I couldn't speak. So they're related? That explains...not much

"I don't see the resemblance" I muttered with a shrug making Candace and Celestia laugh, Shining rolled his eyes. "let me guess... You two are related too?" I said, pointing at Candace and Celestia, they both beamed and nodded, "Makes sense, because running into you two felt the same... Like a fucking brick wall... " I said with a shudder. This time Shining laughed and the Two Alicorn's rolled their eyes. "I adopted Candace as my neice some time ago" Celestia said, well so far Celestia's only other relative was Luna.

"Anyways back to the main subject..." Shining said, as his laughter faded " you and my sister... " he said as he narrowed his eyes. I sighed in annoyance and turned back to my human form.

"Well in case you forgot Captain assclown, I'm actually a human! So there will be no romance between us if that's what you're asking..." I said firmly. "Dating ponies is something I don't plan to do..." I said with a shake of my head. Shining looked somewhat relieved with my statement, while Candace and Celestia looked somewhat disappointed. "Why not?" Candace wondered. I looked at her like she was crazy. "Why not? I'm a human for fuck's sake! I can't date a pony!" I yelled. Candace titlted her head slightly, "I still don't see the big deal..." She said innocently. "It's weird! We don't even have talking ponies back were I come from!" I said. "Really? What other intelligent beings do you have?" She wondered. I scoffed, "there aren't any...most creatures are mindless and only act instinctively, none are as smart as you and I.." I said.

"So your society is entirely made out of humans, thus you are mentally conditioned to only having relationships with other humans."

"Yeah pretty much" I said with a shrug.

"Well here there are MANY intelligent creatures, so it's not strange to see a pony dating a Minotaur..." Cadance said, that explains all those seductive looks I get from ponies, if minotaurs look like what I think they do, then I must be a super model to them.

I sighed and brought my hand to my face, "Look bottom line... I'm not fucking any ponies..." I stated bluntly, prompting all of them to stare at me awkwardly. "You don't have to be... sexually active with your partner if that part bothers you so much..." Cadance said with a raised brow. "Can't you technically turn into a pony anyways?" Cadance asked. "Yeah I can turn into an earthpony, pegasus, unicorn and an Alicorn... I don't really see your point..." I said with a shrug "You can really transform into an Alicorn? " Cadance wondered. I demonstrated by transforming again, it was still an exhausting thing to do the second time around.

"See...I told...you...I could..." I said, feeling woozy as I sat down to avoid falling. Candace was completely shocked, Shining looked bored, and Celestia had that nervous look from earlier. Candace stared at me in awe, " Have you... always been able to do that?" She wondered. "Nah...humans don't have magic..." I said with a shrug. "Then how did you..." She stopped when Shining whispered something into her ear, then understanding dawned on her face. She looked from me to Celestia and back, shining probably told her about the "accident" that gave me the powers.

She had a dumb smile on her face as I turned back into what I considered my base pony form, which was the Pegasus. Candace began to giggle as she looked from me to Celestia again. "What's so funny?" I asked with narrowed eyes "Oh nothing... I just realized something..." She said with a mischievous grin, whatever Cadance...

"Alright... My name is Derrick Young, but you can call me DJ, Drift Jolt as a Pegasus, Dauntless as an earthpony and Dawning Jade as a Unicorn..." I said with a shrug. "Dawning Jade? Dauntless?" Celestia questioned. "It would make more sense for me to be one of your students, if I was a unicorn like Twilight..." I explained. I totally didn't pull words that started with D and J out of my ass or anything... I figured I should name my earthpony form even though I may not use it. Shining cleared his throat and smiled confidently. "My name is Shining Armor, captain of the Royal Guard!" He yelled in a heroic voice.

"Geez...any louder and you'd beat Princess Luna in a shouting match!" I said angrily as I winced and covered my ears. Celestia laughed at the mention of her sister, while Candace deadpanned and glared at Shining. She then cleared her throat and was about to speak when I quickly interrupted "Please don't make my ears bleed.." I reminded, she gave me an annoyed glance and continued "I am Mi Amore Cadenza, or just Cadance for short, I am the Princess of love!" She stated, woah There... wait a second... Did she just...she did didn't she...

"So if Princess Celestia raises the Sun and Princess Luna raises the moon and stars, then you raise...Love? What the hell?" I said, scratching my head in confusion. She gave me a quick rundown of what she does, and basically she can make peace between anyone, that's why Celestia called her over here I guess. Apprantly she can also tell if someone's in love or something and she can kind of make relationships happen and stuff. "If you shoot me with a heart shaped arrow I'll kick your ass..." I muttered, they all looked at me like I was crazy. "What? She's basically Cupid! You know... That little boy with wings who goes around shooting people in the ass with arrows, that make people fall in love!" I said. That didn't help the looks that they were giving me. "Forget what I said... Only a human would understand..." I said with a facepalm.

"Anyway... Shining and I are also engaged!" Candace announced cheerfully as they nuzzled each other. "Yeah cool...whatever... "I said with a shrug, Celestia gave me a stern look and I smiled nervously "I mean...uh...congratulations! I'm so happy for you?" I said with a fake smile. It was then that I heard a stomach growl, surprisingly it wasn't mine. "Well my lunch break is overdue!" Shining said with a chuckle. "Oh shut up...all I ate was a fucking apple!" I muttered angrily. Making everyone laugh, fuck you guys!

"I mean I was SUPPOSED to have a nice chill lunch with Princess Celestia on top of a cloud, but captain America over here had to fuck it up..." I muttered with a sigh.

"What's America?"

"Don't fucking ask..."

"Hmmm...you two were having lunch? Interesting..." Cadance muttered, I glared daggers at her and she smiled nervously. Celestia made the food pop up in front of me and I sighed. "This isn't going to be enough for me, I could eat an elephant right now..." I said sadly. Shining and Cadance looked at me like I was a savage, marking the 2nd or 3rd time I said something stupid in front of them. "Humans are omnivores, it's just an expression, I won't eat your elephants, blah blah blah." I said quickly. Shining and Cadance sighed in relief.

"Well we could go back to the castle and have the Royal chef make us more food; I fear this is not enough for me as well..." Celestia said with a giggle.

"Good! Shiny be a dear for me and take DJ here back to the castle, I have to discuss something with auntie..." Celestia and Shining gave her odd looks. Shining shrugged and started walking away toward the castle, "let's go DJ!" He called out to me. I quickly transformed into a unicorn and used magic to pick up my food. I nodded to the Princesses and walked after him.

"So what did you want to talk about Cadance?"

"..."

"You like him don't you, Auntie?"

"Sigh"

I started to chow down on my lunch, and I have to say, these Hay based foods are pretty good, but probably only because I'm a pony right now. Nothing will really beat a bacon burger, fries and a nice milkshake in my book, unless I can magic up some food I'm not going to be having that anytime soon. We walked past the front entrance to Canterlot, I decided to start a conversation, because I should probably be on good terms with my study partner's big brother/Captain of the guard, that and I can shove it in Celestia's face, I CAN make nice with ponies!

"So... Captain Shining Armor..." I started. "You don't have to be so formal..." He said with an annoyed sigh. "Ok then shiny..." I said with a smug smile "No! Only my sister calls me that...and sometimes Cadance... Ugh! Nevermind, just call me Shining..." He said. "OK then...Shining... What's Being Captain of the guard like? Any action?" I questioned. From what I could tell this place was pretty peaceful, but there had to be SOMETHING bad to report.

"Nope! That scrap we had earlier was the most action I've had in months, as the Captain I get to do paperwork..." Shining said with disappointment. "Heh... There's tons of crime on my world..." I said with a chuckle.

"Really? What kind of crimes?"

"Eh...Robbery, rape, murder, you know the usual..." I said with a shrug, I was pretty desensitized toward the stuff, because if you live in the US. All you hear on the news is death and tragedy, then there's always that one "good" event that happens that nobody gives any fucks about, like nobody gives a shit that some celebrity had a baby... Well at least I don't..

"That's the usual?" Shining said in shock.

"Yeah...humans aren't always that great with the whole... peace thing..." I explained.

"I can't imagine stuff like that happening here at all!"

"Oh and don't get me started on WAR!" I said as I took a sip of my coffee, holy shit this Tastes awesome!

"Yeah...There hasn't been a war here for my entire career as a guard..." Shining muttered "in fact I don't remember if there's even been one in a few hundred years... "he added.

"Wait a sec... The Royal Guard here doubles as your military?" I said with surprise, I thought that Equestria would have some kind of military force that was separate from the guard that patrols Canterlot, and stands around the princesses.

"Pretty much... There hasn't been a need for a separate military..." Shining stated simply.

"That's hard to believe... I guess Celestia really keeps ponies in check! I mean she's nice and everything, but it's hard not to fear someone who has the power to move the sun..." I said with a shudder.

"Really? Nopony else can do it, but it's still just an everyday routine..." Shining said with a shrug.

"Yeah well I come from a place where there is no such thing as magic, and the shit Celestia and Luna do would be considered godlike..." I said with unease.

"OK...when you put it that way I can see how you could be afraid..." Shining said with a nod.

"I don't really Fear them necessarily, it's just unsettling to think about sometimes.." I said as I shoved more fries in my mouth. "Yeah... but I can't really take Princess Luna seriously anymore..." I said with a chuckle.

"Really? Why not?" Shining asked with a chuckle.

"She almost had me executed for something I did while I was drunk, on my first day on a new world..." I grunted "Not to mention the fact that she sent YOU to spy on me..." I added.

Shining smiled nervously. I narrowed my eyes "not gonna lie... I was going to have you executed too..." He admitted. I just rolled my eyes and took the last bite of my sandwich. We were now at the castle's doors, the guards let us in without question when they saw Shining.

"I guess we can wait in the Royal dining room.." Shining said with a shrug "Cadance didn't tell us where to wait..." Shining said with an annoyed sigh. We went through a few halls and then we ended up in this huge room that had this super long fancy table. "Damn this room is impressive!" I said with a whistle. He casually sat down In a random chair, I had my eyes set on some different chairs.

There were two big chairs at the end of the table that looked way more comfortable than the regular chairs. So I just plopped down in one of them. "Uh.. I wouldn't do that if I were you.." Shining said. "Heh... Why not?" I said as I leaned back and relaxed. "That's Princess LUNA's chair..." He warned. "Pfff! Whatever...it's just until the Princesses come back dude, chill.." I said with a chuckle. "Yeah... It's just she gets really upset when someone messes with her chair..." Shining said. "Dude she won't even notice! Besides she's probably snoozing right now anyway..." I said with a casual wave. Shining shrugged "Your funeral... " he muttered. I just scoffed and rolled my eyes, what the fuck would she do? Tell me to get up? Then again she almost executed me for an accident... Ah it should be fine, she's asleep.

"Oh yeah before I forget... About that fight we had..." Shining started. I took another sip of my coffee "I won't be apologizing because I regret nothing..." I muttered. Shining just paused and looked at me, a slight twitch in his eye. "No that's not what I... look I was just saying when you're not too busy, I could teach you some combat magic if you want.." He said. My ears twitched slightly and I sat up in my chair "You mean like that cheap ass shield you used?" I said with a smirk. Shining just laughed and smiled confidently "You're just mad because it worked!" He teased. I drank some more coffee and sighed "Don't other ponies know that spell?" I questioned.

Shining just laughed again "Yes that may be so, but nopony I know of can do defense spell's as well as me!" He gloated, OK so it seems unicorns specializes in certain magic, otherwise I'm pretty sure Celestia would just be the best at everything because she's OP as fuck.

"OK thanks.. I'll think about it..." I said with a shrug, I was still contemplating Flash's suggestion of joining the guard, only because I'm sure it would whip my pony forms into shape. I kinda just sat there savoring my last bits of coffee while we waited for these fucking Alicorns. I looked around in the room for something to do. This would be the time where I WIP out my phone and start playing Subway surfers or Clash of clans, too bad my base will be fucked forever since there's no internet. Before I could even think about anything, I felt a familiar MASSIVE magical power heading towards us, and it wasn't Celestia or Cadance, could it be Twili...of course not.

Princess Luna walked into the room, which means either she woke up early or it's actually later in the day than I thought, either way I'm pretty sure it's all downhill from here. I ain't getting up though. Shining immediately stood up and bowed "Good afternoon Princess!" He greeted. The Princess nodded "Good afternoon Captain Armor..." She responded. I kinda just sipped my coffee and looked away; I'm still kinda sour about what she did.

For a few seconds after they're greetings the room was completely silent so I decided to look back toward them... Only to be faced with 2 very large light blue eyes...WHAT THE HELL! Luna was staring at me suspiciously less than an inch away from my face, apparently she doesn't know what the fuck subtly is! I jumped and fell backwards in my chair almost spilling my precious coffee on the red luxury carpet.

"Who art thou?" She asked coldly, oh shit... I may have forgotten a few things... Like how she has no clue who I am because she doesn't know I can transform. Fuck what I said earlier, this bitch is fucking scary!

"I'm...uh...uh...Dawning Jade..." I said with a nervous smile. Luna's intense stare worsened as she got close again "Thou looks familiar to Us... Thy have disrespected us by ignoring our royal presence AND sitting in our royal seat..." She said as she studied my face closely, I tried to move away but she pinned me down with a hoof, OK I'm fucked. "Captain armor... Why is this pony present?" She asked, her eyes not leaving mine. "Uh... You're a little too close for comfort..." I said nervously, she was right on top of me staring me down, effortlessly pinning me with her weight. "Silence!" She commanded and I gulped.

"Well you're not going to believe this, But Dawning jade is actually Der..." Shining was interrupted by a very strange chain of events.

This honestly is not my day, the shit that could have gotten me crucified earlier happened again. Luna's horn was rubbing against mine, except unlike last time, I was now just a regular unicorn, so for some reason this rush of pleasure was ALOT more intense then when I was an Alicorn. The only way I can describe this is it's like having 5 orgasms at the SAME time, my senses were completely overloaded! I hope I wasn't ACTUALLY orgasming, I don't have to explain why that's disgusting. Then as if it couldn't be any worse, Celestia and Cadance decided that this was a perfect moment to arrive. They both froze when they saw me with a dumb smile on my face and Luna with her ears down, cheeks red, and wings outstretched, no doubt embarrassed.

Then as if THAT wasn't worse, Twilight walked in accompanied by Flash and Mac through another door, oh sure ALL these motherfuckers decided to eat at the SAME TIME! Their jaws dropped when they saw the scene before them. Everyone stared at us in complete silence waiting for someone to explain; unfortunately it won't be me since I can barely speak because I can't think straight.

Going around the room, Shining seemed the least surprised, since he saw the whole thing unfold. Twilight was genuinely surprised because she dropped the books she was carrying with her. I couldn't tell if Flash was surprised, or if he was just trying hard not to laugh. Mac I expected to be angry, but to my suprise, he looked slightly happy... Maybe even relieved! Celestia's expression was a complete blank slate, I couldn't read it whatsoever, which worried the fuck out of me because I don't know if she's about to drop the sun down my throat, or just write it off as an accident. Candace's expression was halfway between "Aww that's cute!" And "Oh that's fucked up!" Which I didn't know was possible.

"Heh... Funny story actually..." Shining said with a nervous smile.

Notes: Hello everyone! This one took a while because of thanksgiving break and me getting a bunch of new games (GTAV) so I wasn't writing honestly for at least a week.

Shout out to, ponymaster18 and Inkwell Lynx for being my Beta readers! Check them out!

As far as story, I was going to have Twilight teleport in but I kind of established that she can't do the spell on her own yet (I think she didn't even do it until season 4? Idk) and I thought it would be weird if Celestia teleported her in. Of course I could have just had Celestia stop them but I felt like it was funnier to have Candace pop up (plus I needed to introduce her anyway) let's just say she was off doing political shit.

Honestly I spent a good 20 mins trying to figure out who was going to have the last line at the end, I was deciding between Big Mac and Flash but I'll save it for next time. Our buddy Derrick seems to have bad luck when it comes to horns!

See y'all around! Oh and if someone can think of a better line at the end I'll give you a Cookie... (Nah I'll just replace the old line...)


	8. Act 2 part 3

Act 2 part 3: Ancient evil

"You see... it was all just an... accident?" Shining said nervously.

"Hmm looks to me like somepony is enjoying this... accident" Flash said as he pointed to me and laughed. Yeah, So you know how Celestia froze after I turned into an alicorn? Yeah That's basically me right now...

Funny thing is, I really WAS enjoying this! I figured Mac would be pissed! But he just looks kinda happy? Why? Maybe he wanted somebody to take Luna off of his hoofs, but he is fucking mistaken if he thinks it'll be ME! I don't give a shit how good this feels! Well... Maybe a little... NO! Concentrate on moving...

*Grunt*

Welp... That's not going to work. "I see you have already acquainted yourself with your sister's new student..." Cadance said with a grin. Luna immediately lifted her head away from mine and her eyes darted around the room.

Mac raised his brow and just stared at Luna, she melted over his gaze, failing to register his amusement. "Tis not what it looks like, Mackiepoo..." Luna said nervously. Then in the blink of an eye, she was cuddling Mac lovingly. "A thousand apologies Mackiepoo! We would never cheat on thee!" Luna assured as she kissed his cheeks. Mac regarded Luna with a silly smile "But Princess... we're not even really in a relation-" Mac was interrupted by Luna kissing him on the lips, to which he responded with a roll of his eyes. He tried to repeat himself but he just got squeezed tighter.

"Is Derrick OK?" Twilight asked, I was still sitting on my back in a daze from my "contact" with Luna. "Yeah... I'm fine... just give me a minute..." I said as I sat there trying to get a grip on reality. Luna then looked back at me with narrowed eyes.

"Nay..." She said as she looked at me in disbelief. "What? Oh yeah... you're kinda late to the party..." I said sarcastically, finally managing to stand up. "I can turn into an earthpony, a pegasus, and an alicorn now..." I explained. Luna just looked at me again shaking her head "WHO art thou?" She asked. Instead of talking I just sighed and turned back to my human form. I waited for my identity to sink in.

...

"NAY!" She blurted in outrage as a frown formed on her face. "Yep... 100% DJ over here... " I said with a smirk. Flash started to look skeptical. "Can you really turn into an alicorn?" He asked. "Yeah... But last time someone asked me that I ended up in a very awkward situation..." I said as I looked at Celestia. She still had this lifeless stare, I swear the temperature in here just dropped a few hundred degrees.

"Uh... sorry?" I muttered with uncertainty, Celestia said nothing and narrowed her eyes. Oh god... I can't even face her right now! I never thought someone so expressive and lively could ever give me that kind of look. Luna was still cuddling Mac and apologizing "We hope thy aren't angry with us, this is the human's doing..." She said as she glared daggers at me. WHAT! OH hell no! She's not blaming me for this shit!

"MY doing? I didn't do anything! " I said in outrage.

"This wouldn't have happened if thy watched where thy horn ventures!" Luna responded, literally almost dropping Mac to the floor as she looked at me.

"You guys don't get it do you? I'm not used to having a horn! Besides you're the one that got in my face! " I snapped back.

"Only because thou sat in MY royal chair!" She said angrily.

"So what? It's just a fucking chair! And you were way to close to my face, and I DID tell you that you were to close! What the hell were you trying to do, kiss me?" I yelled.

"I absolutely forbid ANYPONY from sitting in MY chair!" She boomed. Uh, should I be worried that she dropped the old English? No. I'm standing my ground!

So I did the "smart" thing in this situation and walked over to her chair, flipped it upright and plopped my ass right in it. "Just try and stop me..." I muttered with a smug grin. Luna's eyes turned white and she slowly stomped over to me. Uh... starting to regret this a little bit...OK... The room is definitely colder now... I'm regretting this a lot... I can literally see my fucking breath right now... Maximum regret!

Thankfully Cadance was there to cast that calming spell on us before I got my face disintegrated. "Sheesh... You two argue like a married couple..." Cadance said jokingly. Luna and I suddenly got wide eyed, we slowly turned to Cadance, giving her the death stare. Cadance whistled innocently and looked away from us before Luna and I made eye contact again, and she still wasn't happy with me. She walked up to me and stared me down. She was about to yell again when Cadance cleared her throat.

"Um, Princess Luna? Have you tried asking nicely?" She suggested with a warm smile. Luna looked at Cadance with an annoyed glare before sighing. "Nay..." She said as she turned back to me. Oh god... she's really going to ask me nicely? This should be hilarious!

"Human... Uh... Derrick... Can thy please get out of our chair?" She whispered, which I didn't think was possible.

"Aww... The poor pwincess wants her wittle chair back..." I teased as I stood up, "Aww... Well here ya go... You can have your wittle chair back since you asked so nicely!" I said as I walked past her and ruffled her hair, Which felt kinda like cotton candy except a lot thicker and not sticky. She stood for a moment and her eyes twitched before she finally sat down in her chair.

"Can we see it DJ? That would be truly amazing to witness!" Twilight pleaded. I frowned and folded my arms. "See what?" I asked. "Your alicorn transformation!" Flash said as he looked at me suspiciously. "No... I almost pass out every time I do it" I said with a shake of my head. "Please?" Twilight pleaded again with her puppy eyes, ugh... god damn ponies and they're cuteness... NO! I'm going to have to deal with this a lot in the near future! I have to resist the cuteness! This shit is NOT working this time Twilight!

I glanced at her again, it took all my will power to resist but so far I was managing... "Ya know DJ, Ah'm startin ta think ya can't turn into an alicorn..." Mac said with a shrug. I instantly caved and started the transformation for the 3rd time in a row, and surprisingly it was still just as hard as the first time around.

"Bask in the glory of the mighty alicorn DJ..." I said in a menacing voice. Mac, Luna, Twilight and flash's jaws hit the floor. Do I really look that amazing? I walked over to a nearby mirror and checked myself out. Besides obvious height and build differences that came with my pony forms, I noticed my "mane" was a lot longer then usual. Huh that's funny... I guess it's an alicorn thing. After looking myself over for a little bit I started to feel... weird... like, evil weird. It became really hard to focus on anything... And my head started to hurt badly.

OK, I don't know what the hell is happening... I haven't stayed in this form for more than 30 seconds before, maybe its unstable? Once I felt a pressure in my chest, and started hearing evil laughter in my head I decided I should probably change back before something bad happens. In fact I feel a strange urge to kill something right now... OK, fuck this! I turned back into my human form and cringed in pain. The dark evil feeling went away thankfully and I turned back to everyone. They were all staring at me in horror.

"What?" I asked innocently. Then Twilight spoke up "Uh... You had this really creepy smile and you started laughing and mumbling to yourself... " she explained. OK... Alicorn DJ equals bad then...

"Are you OK?" Celestia asked, finally speaking up, her face filled with concern. "Yeah I'm fine! Its just exhausting turning into that form, and I'm kinda hungry. Say, can we eat now?" I said changing the subject and giving a reassuring smile. Celestia just looked at me suspiciously and nodded slowly.

"Come sit sister! We are famished!" Luna said impatiently. Good job Luna! Distract them all so they can forget my creepy moment! Everyone sat down, Celestia sat next to Luna (in the other big ass chair) then Cadance sat across from Shining, Twilight across from Flash and I sat across from Mac. I transformed into my unicorn form so I could eat hay. Celestia somehow signaled a waiter to appear and take our orders. They all got an assortment of sweets, hay based foods and salads, then it was my turn to order.

"What will you have this evening sir?" The waiter pony asked. "Uh, just get me a sandwich and fries and whatever cake everyone else is getting, along with a coffee..." I said quickly. The waiter nodded, and walked away. Then slowly but surely everyone started to talk among themselves, but some were acting kind of... funny. Celestia still had that... Look in her eyes despite that smile she wore. it's strange how not even her sister noticed. Then again... I seem to be the only one that noticed it at all! And as if she could hear my thoughts, she and I made eye contact but we both quickly looked away.

Eventually I kinda just zoned out, I was worried about what exactly happened to me when i turned to an alicorn. I felt a very strange bloodlust that is COMPLETELY uncharacteristic of me, I'm not a killer! Maybe Celestia noticed it too... But she didn't say anything. If she did then that's probably what's bothering her. Well, all I know now is that feeling is gone, so I guess I should just avoid using my alicorn form for now and forget the whole thing...

When I tuned back into reality, I noticed Cadance was staring at me... what the hell? Whatever... I don't care anymore, I'm just going to put my head down until the food comes...

Hmm, interesting... I can see why Auntie wants him to make friends. He hasn't said a word to anypony at the table yet, he prefers to keep to himself, avoids social interaction, claims he doesn't need friends of all things, an OUTCAST. It does make some sense considering he's not of this world, but besides our different appearances, and some societal differences, there doesn't seem to be to many differences between us and humans. Aunt Celestia told me how much happier Twilight became because of friendship. She told me how Twilight used to lounge around the archives, studying endlessly, alone. Perhaps his assignment will brighten up his life, of course there is also the possibility for the assignment to just make him hate friendship even more...

I've also been observing all of the relationships here. Twilight and Flash seem to like each other enough but neither of them are making any advances. I have to remind Shining not to interfere or it will never happen. Then there is Aunt Luna and Big Macintosh. It seems really one-sided, Big Mac doesn't seem to share the strong feelings that Luna has for him. In fact he was amused when Derrick touched horns with her! Luna seems to have trouble accepting that, and it looks like Mac can't bring himself to tell her... How unfortunate... They look so cute together too... Then again, not all pairs are meant to be.

Then there is Derrick, he wishes not to be involved in any romance. But mating season is coming up soon, I feel he will soon have his wish broken by all the mares in heat, we tend to get a bit... desperate... and borderline crazy according to shining. But what's a mare in heat to do with so few stallions?

I also found out something quite interesting, after bugging Auntie Celestia for long enough, I finally got her to admit that she IS fond of him. Imagine that... The Princess of the sun, falling for the handsome, mysterious shapeshifting human. It sounds like a bad pair when you put it that way, but I can sense great pain emanating from him. He holds it all in, and behind that cute, smug grin of his and the wall of sarcasm is someone with a troubled past. Perhaps love could heal him... Auntie's love... but for some reason she won't tell Derrick how she really feels about him. Maybe she fears rejection? Or she wants him to figure it out on his own? He doesn't want a relationship with anypony, so she claimed she would tell him when the time was right. Whatever that means...

Perhaps her initial attraction sparked from the original contact they shared, when unicorn's touch horns, they gain a subconscious connection, that tends to be amplified by their true feelings for each other (if there are any). It is not a strong connection, otherwise accidental horn touching would create relationships everywhere, but it is there never the less. Normally after some time they would both seek each other out without realizing it, they'll make choices that ultimately bring them together. From there, they either find their soulmate, or they realize they aren't made for each other and separate, continuing on with their lives.

But maybe the fact that Derrick is a human changed things this time. Princess Celestia may seek him out and he may not seek her. What complicates things is Derrick also made contact with Princess Luna. Princess Celestia was saddened just seeing Derrick with another pony, even if it was her own sister. eventually both of them could seek out Derrick, and there would be a very odd love triangle to consider. But this is very unlikely because Luna still loves Big Mac, and Princess Celestia may be to busy to have a relationship, let alone seek Derrick out. That might change once the season starts... Only time will tell...

Ugh... this is really boring... Sitting here waiting for this fucking food... Everyone at the table is talking but me, and I plan to keep it that way. However, that doesn't mean I won't listen in a little bit, well not really, I can't tell if I'm half asleep right now.

"Tia, we think it is unfair that Thou has personal students and we don't!" Luna said sadly.

Celestia giggled, " I never said you couldn't have a protégée, Lulu..." She said, with a shake of her head.

"Huzzah! We shall have our OWN Student, and they shall be better than yours!" Luna teased. Celestia raised her eyebrow, "Now, you shouldn't claim a student just because I have one! You must pick a pony who has a lot of potential! It is not a game to see who is better! Besides, I wouldn't mind if you taught my students a thing or two occasionally, you know a lot of things that I don't. " Celestia said reassuringly. "Hmm we shall teach them the art of dream walking!" Luna said with determination. "Oh you must give them time, sister. Derrick hasn't even sent me his first friendship letter yet..." Celestia said with a giggle.

The waiter finally decided to show the fuck up. She came out with all of our food (minus desert) held in her magic. We all started to eat as their separate conversations began to meld into one big one.

"So, Princess Celestia, are you going to dress up for Nightmare Night?" Twilight asked hopefully. "Oh no, no, no! I would be much to cranky if I stayed up that long..." Celestia said with a laugh. " What about you, Flash?" She asked. Flash scratched his head and shrugged " I dunno, Twilight... I'll probably be snoozing..." He said with a grin. "What about you, Shiny?" She asked. "Nah, probably not. I'm going to spend some quality time with Cadance!" He said and they nuzzled affectionately. Twilight sighed in annoyance "Big Mac? Are you going?" She asked. Mac tapped his chin In thought " Yeah.. Ah probably will since ma sis is goin'..." Twilight smiled and turned to me. "Are going, DJ?" She asked suddenly. I was only halfway paying attention to the conversation because meh.

"Going to what?" I ask in annoyance, bringing my head up lazily.

"To Nightmare Night!" She said. I sat there in confusion.

"What the fuck is Nightmare night?" I asked, prompting everyone to laugh.

"It's when everypony dresses up in costumes and celebrate Luna's night by giving out candy, scaring ponies, and other festivities..." Twilight explained. Ha! That shit is just like Halloween! It was an OK holiday for me I guess. It was an excuse to gorge myself on piles of candy, and I would see people with some pretty cool costumes sometimes, but here? They'll probably all just annoy me.

"Sure... I'll dress up as a human..." I said sarcastically, "Oh, that would be great!" You would fool everypony! " Twilight said with a giggle. "Seriously though... Screw that, I'm not going..." I said with a frown as I finished my sandwich. "Aw, why not? Come on, it'll be fun!" Twilight pleaded. "I'm not dressing up for that crap, Twilight..." I said again as I tasted my coffee. Wow, that's way better than the coffee I had at that restaurant! "I would suggest that you go, Derrick, it would be great fun and you could make a lot of friends during the celebration!" Celestia said. Ugh... Not this "friendship" shit again. I swear, ponies are so sappy.

"Yeah, no. I agreed to go make a few friends in Ponyville and learn magic with Twilight, not go to some annoying celebration..." I said with a frown. Celestia just looked at me with disappointment and shook her head. "Well if you stay in the library then you have to give out candy to the fillies..." Twilight said with a smug grin. I just scoffed and rolled my eyes. Then they started talking about "Hearths Warming" which was basically just Christmas.

"I'm not participating in that either. I don't have any solid income yet..." I said with a shrug, it seemed like everyone here was going to get each other something. "Speaking of money... Princess Celestia!" I called out. "You kinda owe me 250 bits..." I reminded. She deadpanned and her horn glowed. a large sack of what I assume was the bits appeared above me. "Thanks, Princess-AHHH!" I yelped. The bag of bits landed on my crotch, and if I remember correctly bits are made of solid fucking GOLD! Guess what? That shit is heavy!

I fell sideways out of the chair clutching my crotch in pain, a small tear in my eye. "Woah, you OK there partner?" Mac called out as he stood up. "FUUUUCK!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, prompting everyone to jump out of thier seats. "What happened?" Twilight asked with concern. "Balls...gold...heavy...crushed...fuck..." I squeaked out incoherently. Twilight tilted her head in confusion before putting two and two together, and she started snickering, along with all the other girls.

"Is...is he crying?" Luna choked out as she busted out laughing prompting the other girls to laugh as well. "Ouch..." Flash said with a cringe "That's gotta hurt..." Shining said with simpathy. Only the guys here understand my pain... Damn alicorns... And unicorn...

After another minute of suffering, the pain became somewhat bearable and my eyes were dry. I slowly climbed back into my chair, plopping the heavy sack of bits onto the table. The girls were still laughing "Oh, I am terribly sorry, Derrick. I didn't mean for it to land...THERE..." Celestia said nervously. "Yeah, whatever..." I muttered angrily, meanwhile Luna was sticking her tongue out at me. So you thought that was funny, Inkbutt? I got a mischievous smile as I made my next move. I subtly used my magic to tilt Luna's chair making it and her fall over, jokes on you now! Everyone started laughing as she quickly bounced back up, she was absolutely furious. "Who would DARE knock the Princess of the night out of her chair!?" She yelled at the top of her lungs. We stopped for a few seconds then we started laughing again. Even Celestia couldn't help snickering a little. I yawned casually and smirked. Yeah, I don't think a millisecond even went by before those cyan eyes were in my face again. To avoid any potential horn grinding, I immediately turned into my human form.

"Derrick! Did thou knock over our chair?!" She asked with a frown.

"Nope. I was just sitting here... In pain...because nuts..." I muttered, rolling my eyes. She narrowed her eyes and got closer in an attempt to intimidate me. Jesus, does she do this shit to everyone? All I know is it's not working right now. "Yes thy did! Thou used magic to tilt our chair!" She accused. Ya know its hard to keep a straight face with her. "No, I didn't... It's not my fault you're clumsy and can't sit in a chair properly..." I said with a smirk. "We suppose thy thinks this is amusing?" Luna said with annoyance. "Yeah, pretty much. You thought it was funny when my sack was crushed by...a sack." Luna suddenly turned my chair facing her with magic, the temperature seemed to drop a few million degrees and she stared into my soul.

"Heed my words, Derrick Young, I will get you for the embarrassment you have caused me today, so watch yourself... For you will suffer this night!" Luna said sternly, as she poked my chest with each syllable. Whoa... pause for a second... She said my FULL name just now... And she dropped the old English too... And she didn't scream it in my face... OK, I think I should officially be scared now...

Luna walked back to her seat without a word and continued to eat, it seems nobody in the room heard how creepy Luna was 5 seconds ago. Ah well... CAFFEINE!

Everyone started to talk again as they continued to eat. I was done with everything besides my coffee. Flash, Mac and Shining seemed to be done already too, but the girls seemed to be taking their time with their food. I got bored and reached into the sack of ball busting gold and pulled out a bit. I examined it and it turned out they all had a picture of Celestia on it, kinda like the Presidents on quarters and dollars I guess. Hmm... I wonder if Princess Luna is on a coin too? Probably...

Hmmm... I can make things pop out of thin air... it would be funny if I could duplicate these bits. "So, what exactly is stopping me from duplicating these?" I wondered aloud. "Every Equestrian bit is sealed with an enchantment that prevents them from being copied by magic, but in the event that they are copied it would be considered a felony, and would be delt with accordingly..." Celestia answered eyeing me suspiciously.

"Come on! I'm not that much of a jerk! I wouldn't ruin your economy by inflating the market with duplicated money!" I said with a frown, Believe it or not I do have SOME morals! I think...

"OK, I'll take your word for it." Celestia said with relief as she went back to eating. "It's nice to know that your-" "-totally going to try it once to see if it works!" I interrupted with a mischievous grin. With a snap of my fingers and a flash of light, I now had 2 bits in my hand. The reactions were mixed again. the guys thought it was the coolest shit ever, while the girls looked disappointed in me... Well except Luna, she thought it was cool too.

"That was amazing Derrick! Can thou do that aga-" she stopped when Celestia gave her a stern look."- uh we mean... Do that again and thy will rot in the dungeon! " she said with a fake frown. "Chill out girls. Here, I'll get rid of it..." I snapped my fingers again and the bit disappeared. Celestia snorted angrily, sitting back in her chair she drank some of her tea.

Now that I was done playing with the bits, I put the sack in my drawstring bag. Heh... I forgot that I have a bottle in here, I have to remember to fill it up with something later. OK... I've been done eating for a while now. Oh shit here comes the dessert!

We all got assorted cakes, nothing unsual to report here... except for the fact that Celestia's cake serving was twice as big as even Mac's, and I'm sure he can eat a ton! "Try not to embarrass thyself Tia, we're sure no pony here wants to see thou make a mess of thy cake." Luna teased. Celestia frowned and everyone giggled. She turned to her sister, "Perhaps you should watch how much cake you eat, Lulu, the Royal Plot is getting quite thick..." Celestia said with a smirk, well once again the joke is on you, Luna. Everyone laughed harder, even I chuckled a little. "Oh sister? I would say thy Plot has grown considerably, has thee forgotten about thy Royal diet?" Luna said. The laughter raised again, Celestia deadpanned and stared at her little sister who wore a confident smile.

"Shut up and eat cake..." She said as she used magic to shove a large piece of cake into Luna's mouth. We all basically lost our shit at this point. Oh my gosh the look on her face is fucking PRICELESS! The best part was Celestia did it with some force, so most of the piece just ended up splattering in her face. Then without a word, Luna slammed a cake back into Celestia's face, except she slammed the entire cake. Some of it splattered on Cadance too. Shining found that particularly funny but I guess Cadance didn't appreciate his obnoxious laughter, because she slammed a cake into his face, making Flash laugh loudly. Then i saw Shining frown and i saw him slowly raise cake over Flash's head... OK... I see where this shit is going... Time to bail!

I quickly got up and started to run away. I didn't get far because Luna decided my hoodie would look nice with vanilla frosting splattered on the back. Great, I'm going to have to get this shit washed, and most of these motherfuckers don't even wear clothes so finding somewhere to wash these will be a pain... Ugh...

They all threw cake around until everyone was covered in the stuff and they ran out of cake to throw. Unfortunately for me, I couldn't resist the chance to nail Luna with cake during the mess so I was rewarded with another splat of frosting to my face. Somehow the cake only managed to hit my hoodie, so at least I could keep my shorts on until I find somewhere to wash this shit. Thankfully, everyone got their revenge so no more cake was sailing through the air. I felt somewhat immature having participated in a food fight just now. Not sure if that's bad, because I'm definitely not known for being the most mature guy.

"Dammit, guys! You got my clothes dirty!" I muttered in annoyance. "Don't fret, Derrick! Everything in the room will be cleaned. Lulu, do you mind?" Celestia said. "Certainly not!" Luna said, her horn lit up and in a blinding flash of light all the cake splats were gone instantly, including the ones on my clothes, I still kinda hate the idea of magic, but boy is it handy! Wait a sec... If she cleaned my hoodie, then maybe that sweaty undershirt in my bag is clean too. Yep! I'm putting it on right now, because its a little chilly to be honest.

I casually removed my hoodie so I could put on the undershirt, but once again I forgot who I'm doing shit around. "How did you get that scar, DJ?" Twilight asked curiously. I thought all my skin's imperfections went away when I came here. Well I guess not. Dammit... That scar... That's a trip down memory lane I don't want to take anytime soon. That horrible accident... Dammit, I'd almost forgotten the whole thing entirely... "It's nothing..." I said as readied my shirt with a frown. "Really? It doesn't look like nothing, that scar goes across most of your midsection-" "-I said it was nothing! Don't ask!" I said angrily. That scar is a story I don't want to tell again... Ever... "Sheesh... Sorry..." Twilight said nervously, holding her hoofs up. I noticed the Princesses were quiet about the whole thing, Cadance had a pained expression while Celestia and Luna were... Admiring my pecs? I can't tell from thier expressions, but they're staring a little too hard... the guys weren't even paying attention.

As I slipped the shirt over my head, Twilight spoke up again "Well, what about that mark?" She asked, pointing to my chest again. "Shut up or else I'll give you a scar!" I threatened, wait a sec... I have a mark there? What the hell? I don't remember getting another scar...

There were 3 small circular dots in a pattern around where my heart would be, and it looked like Wolverine stabbed me with his claws. Strange thing was, I felt pain there when my alicorn form tried to possess me. Huh... This definitely wasn't there when I took the sweaty shirt off this morning. "How did you get those?" Twilight asked again. I quickly put the shirt back on and the hoodie over it. "Seriously, it's nothing..." I said with a nervous smile. I need to go somewhere and look at this in private... "So, uh, where's the bathroom?" I asked quickly. "Outside of that door, down the stairs, take 2 rights and it's there..." Shining said verbatim without even looking at me. Heh, I guess somebody managed to figure out the layout of the damn castle.

"Thanks! I'll be right back..." I said as I quickly got up and jogged toward one of the doors. Before I could leave Shining called out "Other side!" I did a u-turn and face palmed."I'm tired of this over complex castle... " I muttered to myself, spawning a few laughs. I took the shortcut and just slid on top of the table instead of walking around it. That got a bunch of odd looks, so I bolted out of the door. I didn't really need the bathroom yet, just a place with a mirror and privacy. Wait... That would be the bathroom... Yeah... Probably should have paid attention to what Shining said.

OK, he said out the door... Down some stairs... Then take a left? Wait no! He said a right and then he said go up some stairs... Nope, that's not right. He said take a right, then go up some stairs... FUCK I'M LOST! Ah well, l guess if I wander around, I'll find it eventually right?

...

There is no way in hell I'm finding a fucking bathroom in this damn labyrinth! I've been walking for a good 15 minutes now, and I don't see a bathroom anywhere! And no I'm not asking any guards for directions, because right now they're those batpony pricks, they changed shifts with the day guard. I guess Celestia will lower the sun and Luna will raise the moon soon. Somehow, I ended up wandering into this garden area of the castle where there were a bunch of statues. Let's hope I can find a mirror before it gets dark or something... There! I found a mirror next to a... Strange statue... Wha... What is this? Is this supposed to be ART?

The statue was a really tall Dragon...Lion...Bird...Goat...Pony...Bat...Deer...Thing. I don't even... Let's just say there are some creative pony artists... Or Equestria has some serious drugs... Or both. Jeez, its disturbing... Yet... I have the strange urge to touch it. I slowly raised my hand as if in a trance to touch the statue. Then I heard a voice in my head whispering to me as I got closer, it whispered "Release me..." Then I felt that pressure in my chest from earlier and that evil blood thirsty urge, shit this statute is bad news! But I can't stop myself!

"Derrick?" Called a voice behind me and I snapped out of my trance and withdrew my hand. I turned around to see Princess Celestia with a concerned look, welp there goes "privacy". How the heck did she find me anyway? For some reason the darkness went away when I saw her, as if whatever entity is taking me over suddenly went into hiding.

"Am I correct in guessing that you didn't find the bathroom?" Celestia said with a smirk. "Eeyup..." I said with a chuckle. You know, I noticed something funny about Celestia, she has this strange habit of sneaking up on you. How she manages to do that with her size and those metal slipper things I'll never know. "So, uh...what brings you here Princess?" I asked nervously. Her face turned grim, "That mark on your chest; I think I've seen it before... " she said. I shifted uncomfortably. I'm pretty sure she's talking about the Wolverine scar. "If it is OK with you, I would like to examine it up close to make sure." She asked.

Hmm... this won't be awkward or anything. But it seems like she knows what she's doing, so with slight hesitation I lifted my shirt and hoodie to reveal the strange scar... mark... Whatever. Celestia stepped closer and examined it, at first she was calm but her eyes slowly began to widen as she looked longer. I think that's bad news. Celestia stepped back with a fearful expression, "It's just as I feared..." She said with worry. Uh oh. Then as if someone turned on the fucking Luna signal, the moon Princess landed a few feet away from us. Seriously, am I an alicorn magnet? How the fuck do they know where I am? I'm gonna lose my shit if Cadance drops in too...

"There thou are sister! We were worried about thee both!" Luna said as she walked up to us. Then she gave us a WTF look as she glanced between us. "Sister...Why is thou staring at Derrick's bare chest?" Luna questioned. Celestia got an annoyed look and pointed to the mark "Sister, look! Do you recognize this mark?" Celestia said in a serious tone. Luna looked at it for a second before gasping. "We do, sister. Are we going to perform the seal?" Luna asked as both sisters shared serious faces... Wait what? Seal? What are they talking about?

"Yes, sister, there is no time to waste. It must be done immediately before it's too late!" Celestia said, Um, what are they about to do? "Discord's madness will not claim another this day!" Luna said confidently. "Uh, your highnesses, you lost me... What are you about to do?" I question nervously. They both said nothing and nodded to each other and turned to me. They're horns started to glow and they slowly started walking up to me. OK, this is creeping me out! "Derrick, I need you to lay down on the ground flat on your back..." Celestia said, as they drew closer to me. "Uh, Princess I still don't even know what a Discord is-" "NOW!" She commanded sternly. OK, they aren't fucking around...

So I quickly did what they said and layed down on my back. OK, I'm actually really scared right now... They got on either side of me and they were both charging some spell. Maybe they're going to seal away that...thing inside me? "Art thou ready?" Luna asked Celestia, "Yes. This is going to hurt Derrick..." Celestia said as they both stuck they're hooves out toward my chest. Well that sure is reassuring! Usually people say "Oh, this will only hurt a little" but I guess Celestia skipped the bullshit.

They both brought their hooves down on my chest where that dark mark was, and it flashed a sickly green color before slowly starting to fade away. Oh yeah, and it hurt like hell... So, ouch and shit. That searing pain went on for what seemed like an eternity before finally subsiding. My face was frozen in a state of suffering as the Princesses removed they're hooves having done the... Hurt like hell seal (yeah I don't know what else to call it) on me.

I immediately sat upright with a frown, "What the hell! Do you girls mind explaining what the fuck you sealed?" I yelled angrily clutching my chest. "The chaos magic inside you was slowly corrupting you, so we had to seal some of it away before it changed you..." Celestia explained. "But I thought my alicorn magic was keeping it in check?" I questioned. "It WAS, until recently. I am not entirely sure, but your alicorn transformation may have caused this somehow..." Celestia said with uncertainty. "Perhaps thou used too much power at the time?" Luna said. OK, I'm confused. The princesses started to explain what the hell they meant.

...

"Woah woah woah... So let me get this straight... I turned into an alicorn using a large amount of chaos magic, which effected the balance of magic in my body, then the chaos magic tried to posses me, so you two sealed it up?" I said, trying to understand the events. "Yes, more or less" Celestia confirmed. "We had to act immediately before Discord's corruption took over thy body!" Luna said. "Uh... what the hell is a Discord?" I blurted in frustration. They both just pointed to that weird ass statue that was behind me. "Oh, that thing..." I said sheepishly as I stared at it. "He is a Draconequus who once ruled over Equestria in a state of unhappiness, causing everypony misery and pain..." Celestia explained. "Luna and I stopped him utilizing the Elements of Harmony" she said.

I raised my brow and was about to ask just what the fuck the "Elements of Harmony" were when Luna shushed me. "His chaos magic was known to corrupt ponies, changing them for the worse. Happy ponies would become cranky and mean, heroic ponies would become cowards. But those are minor changes compared to what he did to some..." She trailed off for a moment before continuing. "He would instill some with his chaotic essence, making them his slaves. They would wander aimlessly and do anything he commanded without question. In order to turn somepony into a servant he would need to make direct physical contact with them. it would take time for the corruption to manifest in the victim, but once you're corrupted there is not much that can help you" Celestia said grimly. "How come the scar didn't appear until now?" I asked, because like I said earlier, I would notice 3 fucking holes in my chest. "The mark is more a representation of your corruption rather than physical damage, it will fade in and out depending on how much your chaos magic is corrupting you..." Celestia explained.

Hmm... so basically this mismatched Picasso motherfucker right here was fucking shit up 1000 or so years ago and Celestia and Luna were like "That's not cool bro" and they kicked his ass with the "Elements of Harmony" and its been gumdrops and ice cream ever since? Sounds about right...

"Discord must have somehow attempted to corrupt you" Celestia said gesturing to where the scar was. Ah, I see... this dickwad stabbed me and injected this chaos shit into me. "When and why is the mystery before us..." Luna said with a heavy sigh. "Yeah... I must have been involved in some weird time travel, multi-dimensional BS on the day I can't remember!" I said with a chuckle, That improved the Princesses mood a little bit. "Well, the seal should last about a month before it has to be recast, or else you'll risk complete corruption..." Celestia muttered. "Wait... No chaos magic? I can't transform anymore?" I asked frantically, I quickly transformed into a unicorn and sighed in relief. "Nay, the purpose of thy seal is to restrict the use of large amounts of chaos magic, to stop thy corruption..." Luna explained, so that means no more alicorn me, but that's what caused this shit in the first place so I'm glad.

"Unfortunately this will not work forever, so we need a permanent solution to this eventually." Celestia said with a heavy heart. "Eh, I'll be fine... I'm too epic to become some mutated ponie's slave..." I said waving it off in an attempt to lighten up the mood because it's starting to depress me. "Oh...uh... Thanks Princesses. For the seal and everything." I said with a nervous smile as I rubbed the back of my head. "Aw, your welcome Derrick!" Celestia said happily. She was about to nuzzle me but I pushed her barrel back. "No!" I said sternly, removing my hand from a very confused Celestia. They both regarded me in confusion. "What's wrong?" Celestia asked innocently.

"No nuzzling! It's weird and uncomfortable..." I said with a slight shudder. The sisters looked to each other with surprise. Then I saw they're horns give off a slight static like spar. What the hell was that? Then they both got this half lidded seductive smile and they slowly turned back to me. "Uh... You two feeling alright?" I ask sheepishly, stepping back.

Then they both suddenly snatched me up into a loving embrace and nuzzled my cheeks affectionately. OK, this went from depressing to... Awkward really fast! Uh, this feels kinda nice... There both really warm and fuzzy... Heh, maybe dating a pony wouldn't be so bad after- Wait what the fuck am I thinking?

I tried to slip away from their grasp but it didn't work, because alicorns. Damn these ponies and they're innate cuteness and their touchie feely crap! "What's wrong?" They both asked with a giggle. "I'm still mad at both of you..." I sputtered. "Aww, is thou upset because we splattered thee with cake?" Luna teased. "Aww, still mad about that accident with the gold?" Celestia said with a giggle and a blush. OK, this is kinda cozy, but this is giving me weird "fantasies" that I didn't know I wanted, so I think that's enough hugging FOREVER! I finally slipped out of they're grip, jumped back and stared at them. They sat there giggling like little girls, they really are acting strange I wonder if... Nah, they're probably just fucking with me.

"So does this mean you're not getting revenge Princess Luna?"

"Nay, thou will still suffer this night..." Luna replied, her kind smile fading immediately.

"Fiddle sticks..." Well at least she's back to normal...

After that the Princesses did their lower the sun, raise the moon and shit, we headed indoors. Apperantly Twilight, Mac and I were going to go back to Ponyville tonight, so we met back up with everyone. They all gave us puzzled glances while Cadance had this weird grin. I swear she knows something I don't and it's starting to get irritating. "So... I take it you didn't find the bathroom..." Shining said with a chuckle. "Hell no!" I grunted. " You ended up in the garden didn't you." He guessed. "Hell yeah!" I said with a frown. They all began to laugh and I face palmed, "Yeah. Happens to everypony, I had to learn the hard way!" Shining said with a nervous smile, wait a second... EWWW!

"OK, then.." I said, somewhat creeped out. "So when are we leavin'?" Mac asked curiously. "The Royal Carriage to Ponyville will be leaving at 9:00, it is currently 8:00." Celestia answered, how the fuck she knows what time it is right now without a clock in sight will remain a mystery to me. "Alright everypony, my shift ended a while ago, I really have to head home." Flash said to us all. We exchanged goodnights, Flash whispered something in Twilight's ear that made her blush, Shining got pissed, and he was gone. I doubt I'll see him much once I go to Ponyville, I guess he's an alright guy but he's a bit annoying sometimes.

"Well I think its time for us to hit the hay, what do you think, honey?" Cadance asked with a wink as she bumped Shining. "Hey... I'm not even tired-" he started before getting bumped by Cadance again "-oh I mean (fake yawn) yeah... I am kinda sleepy... Er, goodnight everypony!" Shining said. Then they both zipped around a corner. Geez, those two are in a hurry! I wonder what they're going to do. A second later, Cadance popped her head around the corner, "I hope you reconsider what you said about finding a special somepony!" She said with warm smile. I rolled my eyes, folded my arms and sighed, after that awkward embrace I want to avoid thinking about that kind of stuff for a while. I think that awkward hug will forever be scorched into my memory, which is going to suck because sometimes my mind tends to sink into the gutter, no matter how messed up it is...

Well, I don't know what to do with myself now, We have to wait for an hour for the damn carriage to take us back, So I kinda just plopped into the nearest seat with a sigh. It was just Me, Mac, Twilight and the Princesses now. They more or less did the same thing I did except they were talking again. They sat around me and talked, a few minutes went by before they turned to me. "Hey Derrick, what's your hobby?" Twilight asked randomly, I guess they were talking about their hobbies and they wondered what mine was. Too bad I'll never be able to play video games again, besides the apps on my phone, it is a truly depressing thought.

"It doesn't matter now..." I said dryly. "Oh come on, DJ! We're going to be studying together for a while, and I barely know anything about you!" Twilight pouted. "*sigh*, fine..." They all anxiously awaited my answer. "I used to play video games..." I said plainly. They all sat silent staring at me, then they snickered behind their hoofs. "Uh... Isn't that a little... Foalish? Twilight said with a giggle. Foalish? What does that mean? Wait a sec... Foal... Child... Childish! "How the hell is it foalish?" I demanded. Twilight started to explain what she meant. Basically, they DO have some form of video games here, but they are really simple games that little kids usually play. I'm not even going to get into why it makes no fucking sense that they have video games but not TV or even radio. From how she's describing them they sound a lot like old arcade machines with really basic games... Like fucking PONG basic. Oh, and they run on magic... I don't know why I even got my hopes up, video games here sound like weak sauce...

"Human video games started off as simple kids games too, but over the years they became way more advanced and more complex to the point where people of ALL ages could enjoy them. It would be easier for me to just show you, but I don't exactly have an Xbox with me..." I said with annoyance. Then Twilight said something I didn't think about. "Your chaos magic lets you conjure up objects, right? Why not just do that with your video games?" Twilight suggested. "Hmmm... That could work! Aww, wait, then I'd have to figure out how to get them to run on magic..." I said with disappointment. "I guess I could work towards it eventually. It will be worth it in the long run." I said with a shrug. "Please do! We wish to see these human video games of yours..." Luna said with interest "I do as well! They must be splendid for them to be enjoyed by all" Celestia added.

"The seal might complicate things though. I don't know how much magic it would take to conjure up human tech." I said, rubbing my chin in thought. "What seal?" Twilight questioned. Celestia started explaining what happened in the garden (minus the awkward hug) and Twilight and Mac listened closely. I didn't really mind that they were telling Mac about it, this just saves me the trouble of telling him myself. While they did that, I checked my watch. It's 8:50, time to go soon.

"Well, the carriage should be ready soon. Is everypony ready to leave?" Celestia asked. We all nodded and started going through the infinite maze that was Canterlot Castle, somehow ending up at the back area where all the transportation stuff was. Luna didn't go with us because she had to "watch over the night" or something. I'm not exactly sure how she plans to "Make thee suffer!" but I hope she can't really go into dreams, or I will never sleep again. Well, if I manage to sleep anyway... That coffee kinda did its thing a little too well.

When we arrived the guards were latching up onto the carriage, this time I didn't recognize them and the carriage looked a bit.. Bland? Well compared to Luna's at least. Hey, I wonder what Celestia's looks like? This one can't be her's because I can see 3 copies of the one in that storage area. "Well, this is when I say farewell my little ponies, I wish you all a safe return, and I hope you have a good night." Celestia said warmly.

Mac and I just nodded "You too, Princess Celestia!" Twilight said as they nuzzled. I turned into my unicorn form and stretched "Dawning Jade, I will give you some time to adjust in Ponyville before I expect any friendship letters.." Celestia informed, Wait. She was serious about that? I thought I just had to make friends and learn magic and...

...

Well shit...

"Uh... I'm not exactly the best... At formal letters." I said with a sheepish smile as I rubbed my neck. "Oh, I'm sure you'll do fine! Twilight Sparkle can assist you if you need help." Celestia said with a giggle as she turned to walk away. I deadpanned and turned toward the carriage. Twilight and Mac were already in it, but before I got in I felt something warm against my cheek, I turned to see Princess Celestia giving me a kiss. I instantly froze in place and blushed. I swear she gets enjoyment out of making me feel awkward or something.

"Uh...goodnight Princess..." I said nervously "Stay out of trouble." Celestia said with a wink, then walked away giggling. I made sure she was gone before climbing into the carriage. Where Twilight and Mac were waiting with...with... Wow... You know that face that Spongebob gave Squidward when he caught him eating the Crabby Patties after he claimed he didn't like them? Yeah... That's these two motherfuckers right now. "You liked that kiss didn't ya, partner?" Mac questioned smugly. "No. I don't know what your talking about bro..." I said as calm as possible. We were interrupted by the guards taking off into the sky, steadily heading down toward Ponyville. "I should probably get into character now..." I said as I cleared my throat. "Speaking of character, what exactly do you plan to do DJ, uh, I mean, Dawning Jade?" I thought for a second before giving her the rundown.

"OK, so I'm a student from Canterlot that's staying with you to learn magic and make friends and shit..." I said. "OK, but what about the others?" Mac asked. "I dunno... I was thinking of using my pegasus and earthpony forms to work. Say Mac," I said as I looked to him and turned into an earthpony. "Would it be fine if I came and worked on the farm with you from time to time?" I asked. "Sure, partner! We need all the hooves we can get, especially with the harvest coming up..." Then he frowned " Ah don't know what my sister would think of ya, though... " he said with a troubled expression. "Dude, just tell her I'm from out of town or something and I drop in every once in a while to earn some bits" I said, dismissing the thought.

Mac still looked a bit troubled "Ah don't know DJ... My sister IS the Element of Honesty, so she might see right through our fib!" He said with a nervous smile, What? "Element of Honesty?" I questioned aloud. Twilight was MORE than happy to explain "My friends and I together represent the 6 Elements of harmony, Honesty, Loyalty, Generosity, Laughter, Kindness and Magic. Through friendship the Elements can face any evil threat!" Twilight explained. I blinked once... Twice...Three times.

"WAT?"

"Applejack represents the Element of Honesty-" Hmm... She was pretty straightforward about things as far as I can tell. "-Rainbow Dash is the Element of Loyalty-" never would have guessed that... "-Rarity is the Element of Generosity-" Well, she did try to make me clothes... Without fucking asking! "-Pinkie pie is the Element of Laughter-" she didn't make me laugh... She just made my brain cry trying to understand her. "-Fluttershy is the Element of Kindness-" Ha! More like the element of... Shyness! Hahahaha, OK, I know it's not funny. "-and I am the Element of Magic!" Twilight said confidently. "Did not see that one coming." I said sarcastically. Twilight smiled proudly, I honestly had a feeling there was some deeper connection that the six of them had.

"God dammit!" I blurted out suddenly slamming my hoof into my face. "What's wrong?" Twilight questioned. "I just remembered that since I'm 'new' , I'm going to have to meet everyone... Again..." I muttered with distaste. "That means another Pinkie party..." Twilight giggled. Yay... Another awkward party I'll probably end up drunk at... "Don't remind me about that pink menace... I still don't believe she's the Element of Laughter..." I said with an angry snort.

Then I had random question "Wait... if you guys are the Elements of Harmony, how the hell did the Princesses defeat Discord with you guys... A thousand years ago?" I asked in confusion. "No, no, no! The Elements of Harmony are physical objects as well as- we're here" Twilight said as we landed in Ponyville.

The town was silent, there were few ponies walking around but for the most part it seemed everyone was indoors. We got off the carriage and it left back to Canterlot. "Alright, ponies, I'm headin' home... Ah'll see y'all later..." Mac said with a yawn as he walked away towords the farm. Twilight and I walked into her treehouse. The candles weren't lit but you could still see enough to know where you're going thanks to moonlight. I guess Spike is asleep or something, otherwise I'm sure he would have rushed downstairs by now. Good, because I don't feel like explaining anything yet. "I'm not sure where you should stay. I don't have a room ready..." Twilight said as she rubbed her chin. "Hey, I can just crash on the coach for now. We can figure out sleeping arrangements and all that jazz tomorrow, just get some sleep." I said as I lay down on the coach. "Oh, alright then. Goodnight... Dawning Jade." She said as she quietly walked upstairs to her room. "Goodnight, Twilight Sparkle." I responded. I finally get to lay back and think about things...

Wow... Day 2 in Equestria. And it's been completely fucking nuts! I have an ancient and powerful magic inside me that is slowly trying to possess me, and is being held at bay by a temporary seal. I'm am now a student of Princess Celestia, and Twilight Sparkle's colleague. I'm also going to live a triple life... Dawning Jade the unicorn, Dauntless the earthpony, and Drift Jolt the pegasus. I also accidentally got a little to close to the Princesses on multiple occasions and managed to not get my horn cut off for it. Yep, today has been INSANE! I doubt tomorrow can even come close... Did I just jinx myself? Maybe...

I was right about the coffee thing... I'm not feeling sleepy yet, despite my eyes being closed. Whatever, I'll just chill until the caffeine gives up. I open my eyes and glance out the window. The full moon was completely visble as it brightly hung over the world, it was pretty nice and peaceful to say the least.

*SWOOSH*

"What was that?" I said aloud. I could have sworn I saw something dart by the window... Eh, probably just seeing things...

I played back down and closed my eyes again.

*SWOOSH*

Woah, there it is again! This is kinda creepy... I'm just going to ignore that sound, and try and sleep anyway. I took a deep breath and exhaled deeply, I suddenly felt... Strange... Like someone is right in front of me... My eyes snapped open to reveal beautiful cyan eyes...

...

For fuck's sake, Luna's on top of me!

"Uh... What brings you here, Princess?" I questioned frantically. "We said thou will suffer this night, did we not?" Luna said with narrowed eyes. "Yeah but I-" I paused when Luna's eyes glowed white and she got closer. "Sleep..." She said coldy, staring into my eyes. Is she trying to hypnotize me? "Nah, the coffee won't allow it, I'm not gonna-" I started, before falling victim to Luna's power and passing out on the coach... Haha, I'm gonna die...

Notes: If any of you out there didn't have a good childhood, and don't know what face I was talking about, just Google "Spongebob face" and it should be one of the first image results... Anyway this took a while because video games, school and lazyness. I also had to change the first scene around a bit because initially there wasn't much freakout.

Something that was bothering me was the fact I couldn't release Halloween and Christmas chapters on the actual days because I don't write fast enough. They WILL be done but that's still kinda far. So far on the list is Nightmare Night (very close), Hearths Warming and the Gala. In that order. Not sure where the mating season will fit in but it will be there... Along with Hearts and Hooves... Of course I COULD put them in any order I wanted I suppose (because its a fan fiction and doesn't have to follow the main canon) but I'm curious what the readers want to see, so I may make a poll or just leave it in a review (I hate doing that though because y'all will end up answering the question but not saying what you think of the chapter!)

The thing with the scar is key to a later story arc that will be full of the dramas and shit.

The thing with the nut busting gold was a reference to one of my favorite fanfics.

Not sure when this will actually be released but merry Christmas motherfuckers!


	9. Act 3 part 1

Act 3 part 1: Who's the Hottie?

I woke up sweating like a dog and breathing heavily, i would have screamed too if i didn't stop myself. Holy shit... it's finally over! Luna has been torturing me in my dreams ALL NIGHT! That was the worst fucking nightmare imaginable! No she didn't lay a hoof on me, nor did she send Demons, Ghosts, or Zombies after me, ooooh it was far worse than that! Princess Luna left one of my recent memories on a loop... which memory you ask? The one where i got my balls busted by Gold... yep... i had to go through that shit all night... over and over AND OVER AGAIN!

OK... I need to calm down... It was just a dream... I'll be fine... My balls are fine... They're intact... Hey...where is Luna anyway? I looked around the room and saw no sign of her anywhere. I guess she left in the middle of the night or something. But what I DO see is a very worried looking Dragon... Oh this isn't going to turn out well.

...

"TWILIGHT THERE'S A HOME INVADER!" He screamed at the top of his lungs as he began throwing the closest objects to him at me, which included a big ass dictionary, some nearby bits, and a huge lamp. The book missed, the lamp hit me in the head and I don't need to tell you where the bits ended up hitting me.

"Stop you little shit! Its me!" I yelled out at him. "I don't know you!" He yelled back as he threw another book at me. I was still recovering from the first barrage so the book hit me square in my muzzle, making my head cock back from the force. Let me just say... This dragon is tougher than he looks! Hmm... That seems to be a trend in Equestria...

I turned into my human form in an attempt to stop the barrage, "Its me, DJ!" I said quickly blocking another painful book with my arm. Spike immediately stopped, and stared at me in confusion. Then he narrowed his eyes. "Is this some kind of prank?" He asked trying to comprehend what I just did. Just then Twilight rushed down the stairs almost tripping on the last one, charging up a death laser. She looked half asleep as she yelled out "Where's the invader?!" Spike pointed to me as he threw another book at me which slammed into my chest. "Ow! Dammit Spike, stop throwing shit!" I yelled at him. He just stuck his looked at me with an angry glare. "Haha no! Why the hell would i need an assistant?" I said with a raised brow. Then Twilight Threw a bunch of Reasons at me.

"To help you carry things?"

"I can carry my own stuff..."

"To help you organize your files?"

"What files? Organizing? HA!"

"To help you... write letters?"

"I have hands AND magic to do that..."

"To help you send the letters to the Princess?"

Shit.

"Uh...i...I'm pretty sure I can learn to do that myself..." I said with false confidence. Twilight looked at me smugly, "And how exactly do you plan to do that?" She questioned. "Uh... Trial and error?" I said with a nervous smile. "Hmmm... Have it your way, but I doubt the Princess will be amused if your letter ends up somewhere it shouldn't" she said with a giggle.

After that we fell silent as Spike's mind Raced."Well anyway now that Spike isn't trying to kill me with books..." I said, standing up and Rubbing my muzzle where I was hit. Twilight suddenly went wide eyed, I Guess she didn't pay attention to what Spike was actually throwing at me. "Spike! You were throwing BOOKS at him! My dictionary of all things? Clean this mess up!" Twilight blurted out. Spike sighed sadly and started picking up the shit he threw at me, that's what you get you little shit! " Hey Twilight, I'm kinda sweaty right now, can I use your shower?" I ask as I sniffed myself and scrunched my nose up in disgust. "Sure DJ! It's right upstairs and down the hall." She said kindly. I nodded and went up the stairs. Like she said it was literally right down the hall.

Twilight's bathroom may not be as fancy as the canterlot guest bathrooms, but i say it's still pretty nice. Twilight had one of those combination Bathtub/showers, I stepped in it sheepishly. Let's see here... I'm not using their stuff, because that would be nasty. So I conjured up some soap, a washcloth and a towel for myself. The shower was pretty much like any Human shower, it had nobs for Hot and cold, and a switch for the shower head. From there it was just your average shower... Except Washing myself is a bit harder than I thought because I have fur now. You know...its funny how I'm OK with being naked as a pony... It's probably just a mental thing... Anyway, i had something very important to consider. Those two downstairs are my new roommates. So i probably shouldn't be a dick to them anymore, especially Twilight, because she is nice enough to let me stay here. I think I can get along with her as long as she doesn't freak out about books too much. Spike on the other hand... I don't think we'll get along at all, he doesn't like me and I don't like him, I think I'll just avoid him from now on. As far as Twilight and her friends go, for the most part they are going to stay HER friends and not mine. I don't plan to tell them who I really am either, except maybe Applejack because according to Mac she can see through lies. Regarding my "assignment" I have no idea how many friends I'm actually supposed to make, but I'm sure not befriending the WHOLE Town regardless of what Celestia says. Another problem will be how exactly I'm supposed go about making friends in the first place. I can't walk around saying "Oh hi I'm Dawning jade, be my Friend. K, bai" I'm gonna need some kind of excuse to meet people.

I realized I've been standing in the shower a bit longer than I'm used too so I decided to hop out. I dried myself off, brushed my teeth with a toothbrush I conjured up, and came back downstairs feeling refreshed and kinda happy. I came down to the wonderful aroma of pancakes, and my stomach growled violently. I walked into the kitchen area where Twilight and Spike were chomping away on soft fluffy pancakes. "Come and eat Derrick!" Twilight called out as she motioned to a Third plate of pancakes. I happily sat down and started eating, "Holy shit these are amazing! Thanks Twilight!" I said as I stuffed a delicious pancake in my mouth. "Don't thank me, thank Spike! He's the one who made them!" Twilight said as she pointed a hoof at the dragon. "Wait... Spike made these?!" I blurted aloud. The dragon smirked and nodded, "Damn you did a good job dude" I praised as I stuffed my face again. Spike looked surprised, I guess he didn't expect so much praise from me. He may be a prick but he can make some killer pancakes! He smiled and continued to eat.

"Oh no I forgot!" Twilight suddenly blurted as she slammed her hoofs on the table. "Forgot what?" I asked curiously. "I volunteered to give Miss Cheerilee's class a Lecture on Magic!" she said franticly. She started zipping around the house, gathering her things. Spike and I looked really confused as she zipped in front of us. "DJ, Spike, can you do me a favor?" She asked quickly as she wrote something fast on a scroll. "Uh...yea-" I started to say. "Good! I need you two to run a few errands while I'm Gone, here's the list!" She said as she shoved a scroll into my face. "Yeah we can but i-" I began. "Oh and here are some bits to use!" Twilight said as she tossed a small sack of bits onto the table. "Thank you so much! It shouldn't take too long, it is a small list after all. Come meet me at the school house when your done!" She said as she galloped out the door, and slammed it leaving Spike and I completely baffled.

...

"What the hell just happened?" I said, scratching my head in confusion. "Twilight was almost late to being 2 hours early to something..." Spike muttered. "Does she always react like this?" I ask as I unfolded the list. " Yeah pretty much, she goes crazy if anything interferes with her schedule... " Spike said with a chuckle. " Heh well she does seem hyper organized... " I muttered as I finished my Pancakes. "Here I'll take your plate..." Spike said as he rushed over to me. "Nah, i got it..." I said as I Lifted all three Empty Plates in the sink with my Magic. "Thanks DJ! I'll uh... Start washing them now..." Spike said as he started walking over to the sink. "Holy shit slow down with the assisting Spike! We can wash them later, just come here!" I said with irritation. "I don't have to Wash the dishes?" Spike said with wide eyes. "Nope, maybe later, just come here!" I motioned with a hoof. He did as I asked and came over to me. "Check out this list, where are we supposed to go?" I asked as I showed him the list, He looked over it for a moment:

Things to do:

Get buttons

Buy some food

Help fluttershy

"Oh this is easy stuff, we can have it done in no time!" Spike said as he waved it off confidentiality. "Yeah... Maybe... If I Knew where the fuck to buy buttons from, or where to get food.." I said flatly. "And what about this? I don't know anything about Fluttershy, how the hell am I supposed to help her?" I said, slamming the paper down in frustration.

Spike just laughed and grabbed the list again. "That's where I come in! I've done this stuff plenty of times with Twilight!" Spike said proudly. "Oh really now?" I said with a raised brow.

"Yup! First of all, we can get Buttons at The Carousel Boutique." Spike said cheerfully. Wait a sec... That's Rarity's place right? FUCK! "Then we can pick up some food from Sugarcube corner..." Wait... That's where I got ambushed by the town and the pink terror... DOUBLE FUCK! " Or we can get some of Applejack's apple based foods at her farm..." Oh that won't be so bad... Unless Applejack can see through my lies... TRIPLE FUCK! "And finally we help Fluttershy take care of some of her animals!" Wait that's what Fluttershy does? She's a vet or something? Well that's a problem because I've always had bad luck around animals, they just tend not to like me for some reason so... QUADRUPLE- wait... You know what? ALL THE FUCKS! Today is going to suck so bad...

"Today's going to be so Awesome!" Spike blurted out, jumping up excitedly. "Look I appreciate your enthusiasm, but we need to keep a low profile out there..." I said sternly. Spike's mood deflated instantly. "Aww...why?" He asked, poking his lip out. "Nobody can find out who I really am and that I have chaos magic now..." I said with a shake of my head. Spike raised his brow "Something tells me that's not the only reason..." He said, eyeing me suspiciously. "Uh... What do you mean?" I question Innocently. "Worried about the season aren't you?" Spike questioned with a sly grin. "What...how did you... Yes.." I admitted.

"Yeah, all the stallions get antzy around this time, mating season lasts a lot longer for ponies..." Spike said with a shake of his head. "How much longer?" I wondered, getting wide eyed. "Um like... 2-3 months? I think..." Spike said with uncertainty. "WHAT?!" I yelled out. "Hey don't worry! its only at it's peek for like a week!" Spike assured. "A week?! That's a week of my life I'll have to spend running!" I said as I started pacing nervously. This is bad... Really bad... 3 fucking months? It can't really be that long right? Wait a second... "How the hell do you know this? Your a dragon!" I question suspiciously. "All it takes is boredom, curiosity and a ton of books..." Spike said with a deadpan expression. "Yeah but aren't you still... A baby? You're too young to know this stuff!" I said with a frown. "Yeah by pony standards, yes I'm a baby, but dragons grow fast! I'm more like a teenager!" Spike said confidently, heh... He sure doesn't act like on. "Sure you are pipsqueak..." I muttered in disbelief. "Grr... One day you'll see! I'll be taller than you DJ!" He said, angrily pointing a claw at me. "Whatever you say Spike...let's get this list over with..." I said as I stretched and walked to the door. "Hey wait for me DJ! Spike said as he clamored over to me. " Hey you're supposed to call me Dawning Jade remember? " I said sternly. "Yeah yeah I gotcha dawn..." Spike muttered.

I opened the door with my magic and stepped out. Spike locked it with a key and we started to walk. Then the little shit hopped onto my back... The fuck? I stopped walking and stared back at him, he looked at me like nothing happened.

"Hey do I look like a goddamn horse to you?"

"Yes..."

I deadpanned and turned back, "Fucking smartass..." I grumbled as we started walking. "Alright Sugarcube corner is the closest..." Spike started "Hell no! Were not going there, all the places we need to go will be empty because I know Pinkie is going to throw me a party..." I said with a shudder. Spike folded his arms and pouted. "Fine then... where do you want to go first?" He asked with a huff.

"Fluttershy first... Helping her with the animals could take a while..." I said with a shrug. "OK... But that's on the other side of town..." Spike complained. "Hey you're not even the one walking! Besides I have a plan..." I said as I walked to an area where I wouldn't be seen. "Wait what are you doing?" Spike questioned. "Let me introduce you to my friend.. Drift Jolt!" I said with a smug grin as I transformed into a Pegasus. "Cool..." Spike said in awe. "Alright hold on tight and get ready to give me directions..." I said as I bent my knees. "OK but i-WOOOAH!" Spike screamed as I took off into the air. Woah.. I'm faster than I remember... I think I'm getting stronger...

...

Ahh... I've always enjoyed a nice nap on a cloud, I've had my eyes on this one for a while now! It looks a lot fluffier than the rest of them... And I was right! Yep this cloud is 20% cooler than that one! I don't think Twilights back yet so I don't have any Plans today. I laid down with a heavy satisfied breath and was about to fall asleep, when I heard something... Something fast! About time someone with some speed came around... I think I've beaten everypony around her in a race already. I opened My eyes and looked above me towards the sound. What I saw was... Interesting...

I saw this REALLY Hot Guy flying by... Fast! Now not faster than Me mind you, because nopony is that awesome. But he's certainly faster than the average Pegasus guy I see around here. Gosh... He's really cute... And fast! He could be the challenge I've been waiting for! And the season is coming up... Wait never mind that... It looks like something is on his back. Is that...is that SPIKE? What the hay? What's Spike doing with that guy? He looks hilarious clinging on for his life like that, but seriously... who is this guy? I have to find out! But this cloud is so awesome... No! I can nap Later, this is way more interesting!

I finally decided to go after him to see where he's going with Spike. Boy... this guy is fast! And Hot! Wait... I said that already... Anyway he may be fast, but it wasn't too hard to catch up with him. I flew behind him high in the air and far enough so he wouldn't hear or see me, and followed him. It looked like he was heading To Fluttershy's place because I saw Spike point to her house, then the guy started to fly lower. Gosh... He's hot... And fast... I wonder if he's a Wonderbolt? If he is than I'll kill Spike for not telling me one of his friends is a Wonderbolt!

OK... that guy landed at Fluttershy's, I wonder what he's doing there? Dropping off Spike? Or maybe... NO WAY! What if that's Fluttershy's special somepony? She has been acting funny lately, then suddenly this Hottie shows up at her house? Grr... That's not fair! I'm way more awesome than her! Hey wait a second... Where did that guy go? He was just there a second ago! Now there's just Spike and some Unicorn Guy... Hmm he's also a Hottie, but that Pegasus guy just disappeared! Hey... Wait a sec... That Unicorn looks kinda like that Pegasus Hottie... I wonder if they're... Na that's impossible! I think I had too much cider yesterday... I could be seeing things... Either way something is definitely fishy around here... I'm going to keep watching.

...

"Please for the love of Celestia, never do that again..." Spike said as he finally stopped clinging to me. "Come on don't be such a wuss! It wasn't that bad..." I muttured with a chuckle. Spike slid off of me and rolled onto his back. "Ugh... I think I'm going to be sick..." He said as he rubbed his stomach. "Come on Spike you'll be fine." I said as he finally stood up. "Remember our cover story... You're doing the talking.." I reminded as we started walking to her door."I still think it'll be hard to keep a low Profile when your hanging with the only Dragon in ponyville.." He muttered. "Maybe..." I said with irritation "Hey do you think anypony will notice that your pony forms look similar?" Spike wondered aloud.

"Or that you all sound the same..."

"Shut up spike.."

"Or that your Pony names start with the same letter..."

"Shut up spike..."

"Or that you're never seen next to each other..."

"SHUT UP SPIKE!" I blurted in annoyance. "Heh sorry... Just saying" He said as he knocked on Fluttershy's door. It took a few seconds but she actually answered this time. "Hey there Spike and-YIPE!" Fluttershy said as she slammed the door in our faces after seeing me. *sigh* I knew this shit was going to happen... "Fluttershy! We came to help with the animals!" Spike called out through the door. "Um...Fluttershy isn't home right now, please come back later." She said nervously through the door. Really? She thinks that shit will work?

" Pretty sure we just saw you Fluttershy... And I'd recognize that voice anywhere..." Spike said with a deadpan expression. "Oh that wasn't Fluttershy... That was somepony else..." She said in a fake manly voice, hearing her immitate a guy's voice was absolutely adorable... But we have shit to do, so she needs to open the damn door...

"Look do you want our help or not? Because we can just LEAVE you know..." I started to say. Suddenly the door flew open to reveal Fluttershy hiding behind her hair. "Um come in...uh if you want..." She said awkwardly. At that point I kinda just barged in and Spike followed. Fluttershy nervously closed the door with a blush. Holy motherfucking shit there are animals EVERYWHERE! On the Floor...on the furniture...on the walls... Even on the fucking ceiling! Hell there were even animals coming out of Fluttershy's hair! They were assorted small furry creatures, reptiles and birds. Wow... its like what would happen if Petco let all their pets out at the same time and they ran around the store... Except nothing is trying to eat each other...

"Alright what needs to be done?" I ask, simply ready to get the hell out already. "Well um...all the animals... Need to be fed... Their food is in the kitchen-" "I'm on it..." I interrupted as I immediately walked into the kitchen. All the foods where separated into their proper servings and labeled with what animal they go too. This couldn't be a simpler job, why does she need help with this? Wait... I guess it could be hard without magic to distribute the food. Like I said it was simple I just plopped the foods in front of the respective animal right? Well it WAS simple... until I looked closer at the labels, all of them had animal names on them, not their actual species... Well fuck...

"Who is cuddles?" I muttered aloud in frustration as I stared at all the labels with dred. Then this little hamster ran up to me and looked up. Woah he can understand me? That's freaky! Wait... I'm a fucking talking magical unicorn pony right now... I can't call HIM freaky. "Are you cuddles?" I asked and the hamster nodded. So i just plopped the food in front of him and he ate happily. Huh... Well this will be easy then. I basically did that to the rest of them while Spike and Fluttershy were off helping some other animals I guess.

"Spike? Who is that guy?" Fluttershy whispered into Spike's ear. "That's Dawning Jade! He's moved in with Twilight and I from Canterlot! they're going to study Magic together." Spike whispered back. "Oh that's nice..." Fluttershy said with a nervous smile.

Feeding the animals was going pretty well! I was about to take back what I said about them when I got to a bowl of carrots that was labeled "Angel". I called the name out and this bunny came up to me. But something was off... The bunny didn't leave after it got it's food, it just stared at me. It looked like it was... Frowning? The hell is it's problem? Suddenly it picked up the carrots and started throwing them at me like Darts. "Hey! Stop that!" I yelled out as one hit me in the eye making me stumble back, bumping into a shelf. I made a jar fall over and open above my head. "Angel! That is not how you treat guests!" Fluttershy said to the rabbit sternly, well as sternly as she could get anyway. "Do that again and you'll be in time out mister!" She scolded. The rabbit seemed to roll it's eyes and stormed off with it's remaining carrots.

"Stupid rabbit..." I muttered under my breath as I rubbed my eye in pain, that rabbit has some killer aim, let's hope he doesn't get His paws on some knifes... Or I'll be fucked. That defensive magic Shining talked about would have come in handy today, I'm going to take him up on that offer soon...

"Aww... Greg got out of his jar..." Fluttershy said as she looked above me sadly, I forgot about the jar... I wonder what was in it... Whatever it is, it's probably on my head right now. I bet it's just a frog or something no big deal...

...

*breathing intensifies*

A BIG ASS SPIDER started walking across my fucking FACE! I immediately froze as it's legs carefully traversed my muzzle. I'm...I'm...fucking dead... Today is the day I fucking die! My funeral fucking approaches today. My life is fucking doomed... End of the fucking road... It's going to eat me alive! I emitted this high pitched squeal as it walked. Spike froze too, only making me feel worse about the monster on my face.

"Get... it... off..." I whispered. I determined I'm going to have to terminate this thing maliciously.

"What was that?" Fluttershy struggling to hear me.

"You need to get it off Fluttershy..." I said as I charged my magic, this nope is about to die... even if I toast my muzzle and half of this house in the process.

"Right... now... or...this room won't survive the blast..." I said as calmly as possible. Fluttershy complied and stuck her hoof out. the spider slowly crawled from my muzzle onto her hoof. HOW... THE... HELL... IS... SHE... SO... CALM!? I screamed in my head. She gently kissed the spider on it's head and returned it to the jar. I let out a heavy breath and started panting. "Mister Dawn, are you OK?" Fluttershy asked kindly as she inspected my eye. I couldn't speak... I was seeing my life flash by a few seconds ago, I was sure these were my last few minutes in Equestria. The worst part is Fluttershy doesn't understand this... She's still talking about my eye... She doesn't realize she just kissed the Devil... "Oh I'm so sorry! Angel has been a little cranky..." She said. "It won't happen again I promise..." She assured as she looked into my eyes. I really want her to Promise that She'll drop a nuke on that abomination sitting in that fucking jar on the shelf but... Woah... Something about her I so...Peaceful... Like I'm not even scared anymore... Even though a spider crawled across my face...

After a while, Fluttershy yelped and hid behind her hair again "Oh I'm sorry... its not polite to stare..." She said with a nervous smile. "Oh its fine..." I said as I snapped out of my trance. "Well you can leave now if you want... I can handle the rest... Thank you for your help Dawning Jade..." Fluttershy said nervously. I just nodded and turned to Spike "Let's go!" I called out to him. "Right! See ya Fluttershy!" Spike said as he jumped onto my back. We walked out and I closed the door with my magic.

We walked in complete Silence for a while until I eventually stopped. "You almost lost your life back there dude..." Spike said with relief. "I'm totally going to have nightmares for the rest of my life..." I muttered blankly. " How can she stand the sight of that thing?" I questioned, completely clueless. " Fluttershy loves pretty much all animals and creatures... Even if they come from the very Depths of Tartarus." Spike said with a shudder. Hmm Tartarus? That sounds like Hell... That seems fitting for that demon in the Jar. I am never going in her house again...

"Alright where are we going now?" Spike wondered. "Let's go ahead and get those buttons from Rarity ..." I said with a shrug. Spike jumped up with excitement "Woo! I mean...OK..." He said nervously. I shook my head and we headed out toward Rarity's. "So... How come you're so happy to go to Rarity's?" I asked out of the blue. "Oh I uh...I..." Spike stuttered nervously. "Ha! Don't tell me you have a crush on a pony..." I said with a laugh. He sat there looking away in embarrassment. "No...maybe...a little... Yes..." He sputtered. "Hey... Don't you think that's a bit weird? A dragon... And a pony... Together?" I muttered, that would be a weird couple now that I think about it. "Well I suppose it's OK since your both sapient..." I said with a shrug. Spike started to frown at me. "What?" I questioned nervously. "If that's the case, then why don't YOU date a pony?" He said sternly... Well shit... "Because... Um...I can't..." I said, unable to find the words. "How come its 'OK' for me but not OK for you... I mean you ARE a pony right now anyway..." Spike demanded. I just sat there blankly, I haven't thought about this too hard to be honest. "You know what Spike... I don't know... It's just wrong..." I said with a shake of my head. "Why?" He asked curiously. "It just is... Shut up and give me directions..." I said, in aggrivation as we walked to Rarity's.

...

A blue Rainbow haired Pegasus exploded from a nearby cloud and landed at Fluttershy's doorstep. "Fluttershy! Open up Quick! I need to ask you something!" Rainbow yelled as she rapidly knocked on Fluttershy's door. Fluttershy cracked the door open not even half an inch before almost getting tackled by Rainbow Dash. "Who is He?!" The Rainbow mare questioned right away. "Who?" Fluttershy asked innocently. "That Hot Black and White Pegasus!" Rainbow Blurted. Fluttershy thought for a second before answering "Well... I haven't seen a Black and White Pegasus, sorry..." Fluttershy stated. "Darn... I thought maybe he was in here somewhere... I guess I was seeing things... Maybe.." Rainbow dash said with a sigh.

"Hmm... What about that cute Unicorn Guy? What did he want here?" Rainbow asked with some hope. "Oh...him? Uh...He moved in from canterlot to study magic with Twilight, he and Spike are helping Twilight with some errands right now..." Fluttershy explained. Rainbow dash nodded then rubbed her chin. "I wonder where else he's going... Come on let's follow him!" Rainbow Dash said with determination. "Oh heavens no... I'm sure Dawning Jade wouldn't like it if we were ease dropping-yipe!" Fluttershy was dragged out of her house by Rainbow Dash. After some begging the Two mares took off into the sky.

"They can't be far... Come on! If we hurry we can catch up to them!" Rainbow called out to her shy friend. "I'm not sure if we should be doing this Rain-" Rainbow dash grumbled and rolled her eyes. "Oh come on Shy! Don't pretend you don't want to know where that hottie is going!" Rainbow Dash interrupted with a smug grin. Fluttershy played with her hoofs nervously and blushed "Well...I...um...don't..really..." She started. "Look there he is!" Rainbow exclaimed, as she pointed to the black and white Stallion. Fluttershy swallowed nervously as the mares hid behind a nearby cloud and watched.

...

"Hey Spike, can you just run inside and get the buttons? I don't feel like doing awkward greetings..." I asked sheepishly. "OK... but I'm pretty sure Rarity will want to meet you..." Spike said with uncertainty. "Yeah that's what I'm afraid of..." I said nervously. "Sheesh Dawn... You're such a drag sometimes..." Spike said as he knocked on the door. I snorted angrily and stood on the porch where she wouldn't be able to see me from the door.

Rarity opened the door and smiled. "Hello Spike! What brings you to my door today?" She said as she bent down and Nuzzled his cheek. "Oh...uh...I...need some buttons for Twilight..." Spike said nervously. Dammit man! Hurry! "Certainly! come in and we can browse my inventory..." Rarity said with a giggle as they walked in and shut the door. OK this can go smoothly... Spike gets the buttons... No awkward introductions... Then we go get some food... Yup Spike should be done any second now right? Any second now... Hey... What's that sound?

*swoosh*

...

Shit, not these two! Rainbow Dash landed a few feet away, followed by Fluttershy. Why the fuck are they here? Damn here they come! Act normal... "Hey you!" Rainbow called out as they walked up, Dash looked really giddy for some reason. "Um...hi Dawning Jade..." Fluttershy said with a nervous smile. I gave her a nod then turned to Rainbow "Um... do I know you?" I asked with a raised brow. Rainbow looked somewhat offended, maybe she's surprised that her "fans" haven't spread her name enough or something. "Me? I Am the One and only Rainbow Dash! The fastest flyer in Equestria!" She said proudly as she got into this "cool" pose. "OK then... You're here because-" I started. "I'm here because there was a Pegasus who looks like you zipping around the sky, have you seen him?" She asked as she narrowed her eyes. I played innocent and shook my head. "He DID look a lot like you..." I smiled nervously as she slowly stepped closer. "That Guy also had Spike with him... Then he suddenly disappeared, and there YOU were with Spike!" She said stepping closer to me. FUCK! she saw me! She hasn't figured it out yet luckily... I hope...

"Yeah... That is pretty weird..." I muttered with a nervous smile. Rainbow Dash just stared in disbelief while Fluttershy was... Well... being Fluttershy and hiding behind something. "Well I don't know anything about the guy you're talking about... Maybe you imagined it?" I said with a cough. "Like buck I did! I know what I saw..." Rainbow said sternly. She got in my face and looked me in the eye. "I'm going to keep my eye on you... Don't try anything funny..." She said as she poked my chest. I was about to make a smartass comment but Rarity's door suddenly swung open, good Spike has the buttons and we can gooo-ooodammit! Rarity was at the door Staring at me with a kind smile.

"Oh my... Are you the Gentlecolt that brought Spike over here?" She asked. "Uh... Yeah...i-" I began. "Oh please do come in Darling! You don't have to hide outside! I won't bite.." She said with a giggle. "No... Im fine out here.." I said sheepishly. "Oh I do insist! Spike and I are having Cake! Fluttershy And Rainbow Dash come join us as well!" She said, gesturing for us to come inside. Dammit she got me, cake would be great right now. So I nodded and walked inside followed by Rainbow and Fluttershy.

When I walked in I immediately noticed Spike looking at me nervously, I bet he told Rarity everything while I was outside. That little traitor! He was in the middle of a couch so I sat next to him. "You told her I was out there didn't you?" I whispered in his ear... Or whatever that thing on the side of his face was. "I swear I didn't! She just looked out the window randomly and saw you. Then she started squealing like a little girl and asking about you..." Spike explained. "Shoot... Well... did you get the Buttons at least?" I asked with little hope. "No, she forgot all about them when she saw you..." Spike said with a deadpan expression. "Crap... Well...we need to get what we came for and get the hell..." Oh shit here they Come!

"I don't believe we've been introduced properly... I am " Rarity, owner of this fine establishment. " she said, pointing to herself. The other girls just watched in silence as we talked. "What is your name?" Rarity asked as she gave me a kind smile. "Oh...uh... I'm Dawning Jade..." I said plainly, there waava table in the center with cake so I used my magic to take a piece. "Oh what a fine name for such a fine Gentlecolt..." Rarity said with half lidded eyes. "Thanks?" I muttered as I shifted uncomfortably. "Spike has told me that you are now Twilight's colleague, and have moved in with her?" Rarity said, some of the kindness faded from her face when she asked that. I took an angry glance at Spike before smiling at Rarity "Yeah... I'm Celestia's new student, and I guess she Thought we would do better if we could study together..." I said with a fake smile. Rarity just nodded and I continued. "I just got here yesterday, so I won't be doing anything major for a while. Right now Spike and I are just Doing errands for Twilight." I said as I glance around. It looked like Rarity wasn't even paying attention anymore, she was just giving me this half Lidded smile, Rainbow Dash had a similar look and her wings were stretched out, and Fluttershy was completely flushed... I Leaned close to Spike "Help...Me..." I Whispered in his ear. He nodded and Cleared his throat.

"Look I don't mean to be rude but... I kinda need those buttons, so we can go. We still have errands to run..." He said, snapping the girls out of their Trance. "Oh...uh Yes! Right this way you Two!" Rarity said as she motioned for us to follow her. She walked over to one of her work tables and opened the drawer, To reveal a huge assortment of buttons. Some of them had all these crazy colors and fancy jewels and Gems embedded in them. "Shit! Twilight didn't tell us what kind of buttons to get or how many..." I said with a facehoof. Then I realized I fucked up by cursing in front of Rarity. "Well...that is...quite the interesting vocabulary..." Rarity said taken aback. "Uh yeah... We'll Take those right there!" I said, swiftly changing the subject. Rarity tilted her head slightly "Are you sure you want THOSE awful things?" She questioned. She was talking about the plain Black circle buttons I picked out. "Yes... I don't see anything wrong with them..." I said with a shrug.

"Oh those are so simple and plain! It reminds me of that human and his tastes..." Rarity said as she narrowed her eyes slightly. Oh shit... Did she figure it out? "I Find it strange that Twilight left with the Human and came back with you... Speaking of Derrick... Do you know what happened to him?" Rarity asked. "Oh.. The Human? He uh... Stayed in canterlot..." I said nervously. "Hmm... What a shame... I made him a nice set of clothes too..." Rarity said as she pointed to a nearby wall that had 3 outfits on it. I have to say.. Those don't look too bad...

"OK then we'll take 10 of those black buttons, how much are they? I said as Spike tossed me the bag of bits. " Oh heavens no! I couldn't possibly make you pay for those dreadful things! Just take them as a welcome gift..." Rarity said with a kind smile. Now I like free stuff as much as the next guy, but after a while of not paying for things I start to feel... I don't know... Guilty? Especially if I have the money for it... Which reminds me... I need to repay Twilight and Celestia for all they've done for me. Especially Celestia... Who knows how much money she's spent on me so far, and she kinda saved me from being executed... And from ending up a pancake... Luna on the other hand, is going to get something unpleasant for her recent actions...

Spike grabbed the buttons and put them in his... What? He has a pouch? Well I'm just glad he didn't actually pull things out of his ass... Er... anyway we can go now. "Well I appreciate it Rarity but Spike and I have to go get some apple stuff, it was nice meeting all of you..." I said as I Magicked Spike onto my back and made it halfway to the door. "You're going to Applejack's? I'll come too! I'm getting some apple cider from her..." Rainbow claimed as she started to walk to the door. FUCK! "I need to pick up some carrots for Angel... Apples aren't the only things Applejack grows.." Fluttershy said nervously, as she walked over too. DOUBLE FUCK! "I haven't spoken with applejack in a while, I was planning to see her soon anyway..." Rarity said as she walked up. GODDAMMIT!

We all left the house at a brisk pace. "Dude how are we going to ditch them?" Spike whispered in my ear. "I don't know how, without coming off as a Dick..." I said with frustration. Behind me I heard Rainbow Dash and Rarity giggling about something. I glanced behind me and I saw them both blushing and gazing at me. "It is quite nice isn't it..." I heard Rarity say as they stared at my...Tail? Wait no that's not what they're looking at... What the hell are they... Oh damn! I Immediately slowed my walk so that I was next to them rather than in front. I feel kinda violated by their eyes right now...

It didn't take us long to get to Applejack's... At least I think so, I was too busy hearing Rainbow Dash talk about my "Sexy, Mysterious Pegasus double." I really need to be more carful about transforming in public... I don't want the whole town to know that I'm actually That human they were drooling at not too long ago. Although to be honest it doesn't seem like being a pony has made much difference in getting noticed, its worse here than it was in canterlot. I need to find out the details of the season from Mac so I can prepare.

We saw the farm house coming up and Mac was busy Applebucking, he stopped and smiled when he saw us. He waved to us and we walked up to him. "What's up Mac?" I said with a smirk. "Hey Dawn... I see you meet some of Twilight's friends..." He said as he looked at the girls behind me. "Yeah..." I said grumpily as I sank my Head slightly. "You Know Big Mac already?" Rainbow dash asked in surprise. "Yep... We hung out while he was in canterlot..." I said as Mac and I exchanged Glances. "We came to buy some food from you..." I stated simply. "Ma sister is in charge of that, she should be in the house..." Mac said as she Gestured to it. Then we all headed towards the house. The girls were walking a bit faster then the rest of us for some reason. They got to the house and knocked on the door, a few seconds later Applejack answered. "Howdy girls! It's good to see y'all... Wait who in tarnation is that?" Applejack said as she Pointed to me, her eyes sparkling slightly. "Girl Talk...now!" Rarity said as they all crammed into the house and slammed the door.

...

"What do you Reckon they're Talking about?" Mac wondered. "Probably how sexy I am..." I joked getting Spike and Mac to laugh. Unfortunately for me I'm pretty sure that's what they're talking about, because they keep looking and pointing at me through the window, do they realize I can see them? Do they even care? "Well I guess my Human identity is safe for now..." I said with a shrug. "I wouldn't celebrate yet... You still haven't met up with Pinkie yet..." Spike reminded. "Ugh... Don't remind me..." I said as I facehoofed "Man I can't wait until today is over... I feel like I didn't sleep at all yesterday..." I said with a yawn. "Really? Why not?" Mac asked. "Because your girlfriend thought it was cool to make my nightmares repeat all night..." I said with an angry snort. Mac looked confused for a second "I don't have a girlfriend..." He said, looking at me like I was crazy.

"Uh... Princess Luna?" Spike and I said simultaneously. "She's not ma girlfriend..." Mac snapped with a frown. "Really? I thought you guys were kinda... You know..." I questioned with a nudge. "No! Like ah said... we are not really in a relationship. She can't accept that for some reason and she acts like we are! She's really... clingy..." Mac said with a shudder. "Exactly... how clingy is she?" I asked. "Visits me every night in my room type clingy. It's hard for me to sleep at night, whenever she's always there tryin to talk to about my day, or telling me how her nights been. And don't get me started on her hugs! I'm always sore because of her squeezin me all the time! I can't work right if my muscles are sore!" He said with frustration as he bucked a tree and winced in pain. "It's just too much... She's too much, and I'm tried of it..." Mac explained with a sigh.

"Damn.." I muttered as I rubbed my chin. "Why don't you just tell her to stop?" I question, thinking that it's an obvious and easy choice. "Well I just can't bring myself to tell her... I'm afraid of what might happen afterwards... Also..." Mac trailed off. "Also?" I questioned "Also... She's still kinda a good catch... If you know what ah mean..." Mac said with a blush. "That may be true but from what you've said it sounds like she's not YOUR catch..." I said with a chuckle, woah wait a sec... Did I just agree that Luna is a good catch? Something is wrong with me... I've been around to many mares recently... Maybe I don't... Moving on now...

"I'd say just man up and tell her how you feel... She'll probably understand and leave you alone." I said with a shrug. "Tell her you want to see other mares or something..." Spike said. "But ah DO want to see other mares..." Mac admitted with irritation. "Like who?" I wondered. "Well...there IS this one mare..." Mac started with a blush.

...

"So let me get this straight... That Handsome feller over there moved in with Twilight?!" Applejack questioned. "Yes indeed. That means that handsome fellow will be around for quite some time..." Rarity said with a nod. "Ha! that gives me plenty of time to get him before the season..." Rainbow muttered. Rarity scoffed "As if he would fall for somepony like YOU!" Rarity said in disbelief. "Oh really? I don't think he'd be into fashion and stuff!" Rainbow said with a laugh. "Once he sees That I'm 20% sexier, he will fall head over hoofs for me!" Rainbow said confidently. "I Think he'd prefer a mare with a little more CLASS!" Rarity said with a smirk. "Well ah think he would prefer a mare who works hard and isn't afraid to get dirt on her hoofs..." Applejack said with a sly grin. Rarity and Rainbow deadpanned and stared at her. She frowned and slammed her hoof down. "I bet That Cute feller out there would fall for ME before he'd fall for you two!" Applejack said with narrowed eyes. Rainbow Dash butted heads with Applejack "Oh you're ON farm girl!" She said angrily. "This is a ridiculous challenge... I accept..." Rarity said with a mischievous smile.

Rainbow Dash zipped up to Fluttershy, who was sitting farther than the others "What about you Fluttershy? You want to try and get a piece of the new guy?" Rainbow dash questioned. Fluttershy yelped and hid under a chair. Rarity dragged her from under it with her magic, and they all zipped to the window. "You don't like that cute face of his?" Rainbow questioned, "Or those powerful hind legs?" Applejack said."Or his amazing hair? I would love to style it..." Rarity added. They all glared at Fluttershy for the answer, but unknown to them, Fluttershy Wasn't looking at the Black and white Unicorn outside, nor the dragon on his back. But she was Really Looking at a certain Earthpony of the RED variety. "Um...I...uh..." Fluttershy stuttered. "Eh let's leave her alone before she faints..." Applejack said with a chuckle. The girls just continued to stare out of the window, the boys seemed to be talking about something quite engaging because they didn't notice they were being watched anymore.

The 3 mares sighed heavily and stared out the window half lidded. "Um... I think you girls may be forgetting something..." Fluttershy finally spoke up. "What?!" They all said simultaneously. "Well... Remember that that guy came back with Twilight and is living with Twilight..." Fluttershy started. "And your point is?" Rainbow Dash asked impatiently. "Well...all I'm saying is that guy outside might already be taken..." Fluttershy whispered. All the girls gasped as they realized that Fluttershy could be right. Of course they don't know that Twilight likes somepony else... or that a Royal has an eye on him either...

"And I think it's unfair that you left Pinkie Pie out of this... She hasn't even met him yet..." Fluttershy added. "Pinkie? I don't think she's necessarily the type for romance..." Rarity said with uncertainty. "Yeah but neither am I, but I know a hunk of stallion when I see one..." Rainbow said as she glanced out the window again. "I ain't the type neither, ah don't know how Pinkie would react to the feller..." Applejack said as she rubbed her chin. "I believe it is only a matter of time before we find out... He is new here after all..." Rainbow said with a laugh. "And you KNOW what that means!" They all looked at each other with a smirk "PINKIE PARTY!" They said in unison.

...

"Yeah like I said though... You should definitely tell her how you feel... It's better than sitting there suffering in silence..." I said, with a serious tone. "Ah think you're right partner! I'm gonna tell her... Tonight!" Mac said with a nervous gulp. " Don't worry bro! She can only give you nightmares forever... " I said with a chuckle. "I hope that's not how she handles rejection..." Mac said with worry. "Well considering all I did was mess with her chair, I would prepare yourself mentally for how she might react. I'm sure you'll be fine though..." I said with a grin. "Well that sure gives me hope..." He said sarcastically.

"Hey they're finally coming out..." Spike said as he sat up. He got bored and fell asleep on my back while Mac and I talked. They all came out looking confident for some reason... Except Fluttershy... She was hiding behind them all. I noticed Applejack had this big box on her back, I wonder what's in it? As they walked up Applejack went right ahead and introduced herself. "Howdy there! Ma name is Applejack!" She said proudly as she almost broke my arm er... forehoof again. " Damn... it should be easier the second time..." I whispered to myself. "Anyhow... ma friends told me that you came to get get some food..." Apple jack said as she plopped the box down in front of me and opened it. "So here some of ma finest Pies and Ciders!" She said with a smirk. I looked inside and the sights and smells coming out of that box were heavenly. I took a deep whiff of it and sighed happily. "Wow... You can make a mean Pie Applejack..." I said, my mouth watering slightly. She looked back at the other girls victoriously as they Frowned in jealousy. Then I had a neutral expression as I asked the necessary. "So... How much does it cost?" I ask as Spike tossed me the bag of bits again. "Free of charge! Consider it a welcome gift from the apple family... And me..." She said with a warm smile. I really need to start paying for things...

"Well thanks...Applejack.." I said as I lifted the box with my magic effortlessly. "I think I should get going now..." I said as I started to turn. "Let's see if Twilight's done at the school house, it's near Sugarcube corner..." Spike said, tapping my back. " We'll see you ponies around I guess..." I said, giving a nod to the group. I started to walk down the trail back toward ponyville. " That went well..." Spike said with a laugh. "I Guess so..." I muttered with shrug. "I Think next time we should-" spike suddenly fell silent. "What? You think we should what?" I said as I turned my head.

...

"Oh hey there..." Rainbow Dash said as she smiled nervously, all the girls were following me. I stopped and turned around fully. "So...is there a reason you're all-" I started. "We all just want to see Twilight!" Rainbow blurted. "Yes we have very important things to discuss with her..." Rarity added. "We also need to Talk to Pinkie.." Applejack said as they shared nervous smiles. I just sighed and started walking again, I really hope mares following me won't become a trend...

After a few minutes we were at the school house and Twilight could be seen walking out of it, good just in time! "Hey Twilight!" I called out to her she looked over and smiled widely. "Hi Dawn!" She said as she ran up to me "So how did that lecture go?" I asked curiously. Twilight's smile faded immediately. "Oh it was terrible! Nopony bothered to Listen... They didn't care about the chemical Process that happens on the horn when a unicorn uses magic..." She said with disappointment. Then she smirked "at least until I... Demonstrated..." She said with a giggle. "Demonstrated?" I said, raising my brow, I hope she didn't blast them all with lasers, and leave them all as tiny piles of ash. "Shot a bunch of fireworks out of my horn... That got them interested!" Twilight said with a smirk. I just shook my head I wonder what the teacher thought of that.

"So how has your day been?" Twilight asked. "We're pretty much done with the errands..." I said gesturing to the Box and Buttons. Twilight was overjoyed, she hugged me Tightly. "Thank you so Much!" She said happily. You know... It's not so bad helping people... you get this warm feeling inside when you do... I can go without the hugs though... "So... What are the buttons for anyway? " I asked curiously." It's a surprise! " Twilight said. Then Twilight stopped hugging me when she noticed her friends behind me. "Hi Girls!" She said happily as she trotted up to them, They all had mixed looks. Rarity and Rainbow looked... Jealous? Applejack looked neutral, and As always Fluttershy was nervous. Before anyone said anything I heard a "boing" sound steadily getting louder, then none other then Pinkie Pie popped up from around the corner...shiiiiiiiiit...

"Hey everypony! Hope your all having a good-" she stopped when we made eye contact. Then in the blink of an eye she was eagerly bouncing around me. "Oh my gosh who are YOU? I'm Pinkamena Diane Pie! But you can call me Pinkie! Hey you're kinda cute! I've never seen you before, you must be new! Do you like parties? She blurted out so fast that it instantly gave me a headache. " Pinkie! give the Gentlecolt some space!" Rarity scolded. Pinkie backed off about an inch before disappearing down the street in a pink blur. We all blinked a few times completely dumbfounded. After about a minute of awkward staring, Rarity nudged Twilight "I believe that we must have a talk with you..." She mumbled. The other girls nodded in agreement then they dragged an unwilling Twilight away somewhere.

...

"Girls are fucking weird sometimes..."

"Agreed..."

"Well Dawn where too now?" Spike questioned. "Just lead us back to Twilight's place... I'm sick of carrying this shit around..." I said, gesturing to the box. So from there we walked To Twilight's. It was a pretty uneventful walk, Spike and I made small talk as I trotted along. I noticed that this little adventure as quelled the hate between us, we get along pretty well now.

"Woah... Where is everypony at?" Spike wondered as he scanned the streets. "Probably another Pinkie party..." I muttered with distaste. "Sweet! Pinkie throws the best parties!" Spike said with a fist pump. "Yeah maybe they're fun for you, but they're just awkward for me..." I said with a shake of my head. "I'm going to Twilight's and I'm not coming out... I'd rather not party today..." I said with determination. "Suit yourself... More cake for me..." Spike muttered. As he laid back.

A minute later we were in front of Twilight's place. Spike hopped off my back and stretched. "Man... that was some hard work..." He muttered with a yawn. "Hard work? You just sat on my back the whole time..." I said with a raised brow. "I was your map today dude! You would have been lost without me." He said, pointing to himself confidently. "Yeah whatever...I'm gonna charge bits for the next pony ride by the way..." I said jokingly. "Good! Then maybe you can afford a nice saddle! Your back isn't the softest surface ya know..." He said slyly. I stared at him for a few seconds, cheeky little bastard... "Shut up and open the door..." I muttered, this box was starting to get a little heavy now. Spike fished the key out of his pouch and unlocked the door. He opened it and walked in slowly. "Hurry up so I can bring the box in!" I snapped. Spike finally moved from the doorway and I dropped the box on the ground.

"Finally... That was some heavy shi-"

*BOOM*

I heard what sounded like a Cannon go off as a Cake, streamers, and all the other party items you can think of got splattered in my face. "Surprise!" Everyone Yelled. Another fucking Pinkie party... How wonderful... I wiped most of the cake from my face with an annoyed sigh. Then Pinkie zipped up to me "Do you like it? I call it my party Cannon! Pinkie said with her physics breaking smile. " Yes..." I said sarcastically making Pinkie bounce around happily, I don't even... I can't...I have no words for this... Then she decided to violate my cheek by licking some cake off of it, then proceed to zip away. What... just? You know what fuck it...

After that some music started up and everybody partied. There weren't as many ponies at this one because Twilight's tree can only hold so many. I saw Twilight and her main group over in one of the corners, it looked like they were all asking Twilight a million questions and she wouldn't budge. I figured it'd be best to avoid that for now. However... I see a drink stand! I'm all over that shit! I immediately maneuvered past the dancers toward it. Similar to last time the Stand was next to that DJ and her equipment. I spotted some shot glasses at the table and after making sure it wasn't that Golden Bud bullshit, I found myself forcing one down. I decided to enjoy myself instead of going in a corner this time around because hey why the hell not?. Heh I'll be ready to party after one or two more of these! I grabbed 4 and smiled mischievously. Using my magic I put two of them in a location in the house where they wouldn't be bothered, I'm going to use those later... I waited a minute before downing another shot... Woah... OK a bit stronger then I thought... But I've had worse... to be safe I'm putting that last one in the "later" pile, I can get shit faced later when everyone leaves, for now that should be enough to get me in the mood to party.

I scooted over to where the DJ was, she was bumping to what I call... I don't know party music? Techno? Whatever... But when she saw me she jumped slightly which made her move the record, making the song slow down for a second, luckily nobody seemed to notice at the time. "Whoa bro! You scared me there..." She said with a nervous grin. "Sorry..." I muttered with shrug. "So you're the new guy? Wow... your cuter than I thought... uh I mean... Yo! my names Vinyl Scratch!" She said nervously. "Sup... I'm Dawning Jade..." I muttered with a nod, I sat there just watching the party. "So... Are you going to be... Sticking around here?" Vinyl asked curiously, most of her nervousness hidden behind the shades, but a light blush was still visible. "Yeah pretty much.. I'm going to be calling ponyville home now..." I said with a chuckle. "You like it so far bro?" She asked. I thought for a second and nodded. "Good to hear..." She said with a smile.

"Well I'm gonna go mingle now... It was nice meeting you and stuff... Maybe we could hang and listen to your tunes one day or something..." I said with a wink. "Oh...uh... OK see ya Dawn!" She said with a nervous blush. After that the rest of the party became a blur, I think I remember getting yelled at by a purple unicorn for breaking something and cutting myself... And I may or may not have tried to kill a fly with lasers... Not sure. After a while people cleared out, cleaned up and left. Spike was sweeping up some streamers off the floor but besides that, there weren't any crazy party messes to clean. Twilight and Spike said their good nights and went upstairs and I was left sitting on the couch reflecting. Hey... I did cut myself... I have this bandage on my left forehoof... Heh it kind of stings... That's fuckin awwwwesome!

Talking with ponies isn't so bad really... Making friends shouldn't be too hard. I realized that if I didn't have this assignment I would have been completely aimless. I wouldn't know what the hell to do with myself, surrounded by all these ponies. I need to thank Celestia for that later.. Anyway it's drink time! I planned this all out already, I saw this sweet balcony somewhere upstairs. I'm going to bring a small couch up there and take that stash of drinks and just chill on that balcony until I pass out! Because of magic being convenient as shit It only took a minute to get set up.

There was still SOME alcohol in my system so for now I don't need the drinks... Well... One won't hurt... I forced another shot down and the drunkness hit me again like a warm wave of fuck... Wait.. He he... What's a warm wave of fuck? I feel a little wobbly... but I think I'll be OK.. Oh look a telescope! Sweet... I didn't know Twilight had one of these... I wonder if I'll recognize any constellations... Nope... Nope... Nadda... No way...hmm maybe... Na... This sky is different in Equestria. I kept looking in the sky until I saw something moving... Is that a flying horse? Hah I'm seeing shit...flying horses aren't real... Wait... They do have flying horses er, ponies here right? Heh... I forgot I'm a flying horse... Who is that? I can't tell... Whoever it is they're heading this way! Good... We can share drinks... Ahahahah!

A few seconds later Princess Luna landed gracefully on the balcony. "Oh god my balls!" I yelped as I tried to jump of the balcony, but I was caught in that familier blue Aura. Luna brought me to her and plopped me on the couch. "I mean you no harm Dawning Jade... Dawn... She said calmly. I looked at her in surprise something seems different about her... I'm to drunk to put my finger er hoof on it. " We have... *sigh* I have come simply to apologize... " Luna said with her head down slightly. "Okie dokie..." I said as I folded my front hoofs comically and snickered to myself. Luna raised her brow at my strange behavior but continued. "I apologize for leaving you with that very... disturbing nightmare..." She said sincerely. "Apology accepted, now give me a hug..." I said with a slur. "I understand if you are still upset but... Wait what?" Luna said as her eyes widened. I stood up with determination "Hugs... now!" I repeated. Luna just stared at me in confusion, she didn't budge so I just went right up to her and hugged her. At first she was about to push me away and fly off but she calmed down slightly, she's still on edge about something I think...I don't know.

"There... isn't that better?" I said with a cheerful smile. Luna just looked away in embarrassment "...I didn't expect you to forgive me so quickly..." She admitted as she shifted uncomfortably. She sniffed the air... Then she glared at me suspiciously. "Are...are you intoxicated?" She asked worriedly. "No...No...I'm just happy to see you..." I said as I took a shot. " OK... maybe a little... " I said as I started giggling like an idiot. I offered the other shot to her "No I don't consume alcohol... I get somewhat... unpleasant and destructive if I do..." Luna said with a nervous grin. I just shrugged "More for me!" I said as I downed the other shot and shook my head vigorously.

She started to examine me closer now... And she noticed my cut. "Derrick!" You are injured!" Luna blurted as she grabbed my foreleg with concern. "No... I got that awesome thing from a glass table..." I muttered with a laugh. "What did you do, Tackle it?" Luna said as she ripped the bandage off with a frown. "No...it looked at me funny... so i hugged it..." I stated as my head swayed back. "Hmm... I see... perhaps you hugged it too hard don't you think?" Luna said sarcastically as she healed the cut. "I'm alive" I said as I stumbled back a few steps.

"Are you... OK? Why did you consume so much alcohol?" Luna asked as she took a step towards me. I plopped on the couch and chuckled. "Yeah I'm fucking wonderful! I kept telling myself... one more won't hurt... then I ended up here.. Some people say I talk too much when I'm drunk but, they're just a bunch of shit bags! Haha! Drinking makes me HAPPY! But enough about me... the real question is... ARE YOU OK?" I said with a silly grin. Luna shifted again and looked away "I'm... fine..." She said with uncertainty. "Oh really? You don't seem that *Hiccup* fine to me..." I said with narrowed eyes. Then I stood up and walked to her slowly. "First of all... You're apologizing... To me..." I said with a step. "I overdid your nightmare... And I've done it in the past..." Luna said with a nervous smile. "Then you dropped the old English..." I said with another step. "We have... I've been meaning to 'drop' the old English anyway for some time..." Luna said, getting more uncomfortable. "And then all of a sudden you're so...tense... And you have wings..." I said with another step. Luna began looking uneasy "I...I'm not tense...and... I've always had wings!" She said as she looked away again. "Just tell me what the problem is..." I said as I sat down in front of her, my head swaying due to drunken confusion. "You should really get to bed..." Luna said, in an effort to change the subject. She looked like she was about to spill.

"Oh sleep? I Don't need that thing..." I said casually with a chuckle. Luna just tilted her head slightly and sighed. "You're probably too intoxicated to even care..." Luna said as she took a deep breath. "Go on..." I encouraged. "Well the truth... is I am not OK... I just found out my Mackintosh wants to see other mares!" Luna blurted as she burst into tears. now I may be super drunk right now but... that honesty hurt me... A lot... You know Why? Because I'm the one that told him to dump her.

I stood up slowly and carefully walked too her, I mean I have to do something right? I just wrapped my hoof around her as she cried. Fuck... This is my damn fault... But he had to tell her right? No... I... I shouldn't have interfered... I should have kept my mouth shut... Dammit... Well I can make her feel better!

Luna stopped crying and looked at me I gave her the kindest smile I could muster being drunk and all. "Thank you Derr-" she started to say but then I had a brilliant plan! I leaned forward and kissed her. Her eyes immediately shot open and she was about to throw me off and jump back but... she didn't... Something stopped her. So she just melted into the kiss and closed her eyes. The moment seemed to last forever until Derrick dry kingly passed out on the floor with a silly smile on his face.

Luna sat there frozen at a loss as to what to do her heart and mind raced. Why did I let him do that? Did he enjoy that? Did I? Or was I just caught in the moment? Did he just show me his true feelings? Or was it just stupid drunk judgment on his part? This is very confusing... I was simply flying home after that terrible news... Then something urged me to come here... Ever since we touched horns... I find myself thinking about him...I feel drawn to him... I don't understand... My thoughts were interrupted by Derrick mumbling in his sleep. "Heheh...pretty ponies..." He muttered. OK...

He probably only did this because of his intoxication, he will probably be upset when he remembers this... HOPEFULLY he'll be too hung over to remember this moment... I should probably go before I'm spotted up here. So I used my magic to place him on the couch. Perhaps he IS changing... Some ponies show their true colors when they're drunk. And that WAS a nice kiss... Wait who am I kidding? I just hope he never remembers this moment... ever!

Notes: Eyyup! I feel like I stuffed too much into this chapter... Ah well its probably fine.

Our friend DJ is not himself when he's Drunk...or is he? Greg the spider is a reference to something...

Gosh... This chapter... Is long as fuck... Not sure if that's good or bad... I'd say good but that probably means there's more errors hiding in it... Sorry I Guess? Anyway leave me the reviews and what not... Those keep me rollen!

Up next Nightmare Night! It'll be spooky... Dramatic...(maybe) Action packed... (not really) and funny! (I hope)

So uh again not sure when this will be released so Happy new year!


End file.
